This blog was inspired by the ebb and flow of 2022’s double eclipse season, 6 planet retrograde autumn, a naturally occurring Mercury retrograde that shows up whenever you don’t need it to (joking joking) and a Mars in Gemini to make the end of 2022 extra spicy.
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imposter syndrome
July 13th 2022 was the Full Moon in Capricorn, which, I don’t know about you guys, but gave me the BIGGEST imposter syndrome of my life! I was in the middle of transitioning homes again (as usual) and I couldn’t shake this feeling of unease and uncomfortability in my own skin.
“Who am I? What am I doing? Does BT still work? Does Sonic Soul Retrieval transcend the depths like I think it does? Am I kidding myself? How did I get this far in life when I feel like such a failure at 35? What’s next for me? Is there anything that could be greater than my life so far? Is it just a downward spiral from here?”
I was questioning the very fabric of my own existence.
Thanks to (and sometimes to the detriment of) my inner monologue - it reminded me what I was learning in a Shamanism course: healing is not fixing all the parts you don’t like about yourself - it’s finding love and acceptance for those parts too.
~ big deep breath ~
Remember - perfection is a myth.
For the earth signs about to disagree: it’s a myth. I promise. It’s one of the only things I can say with 100% certainty. Perfection argues there are no mistakes… and we all know that is not reality. Like, that is not anyone’s reality, anywhere on the planet!!
We also know that the present moment is a gift and that’s why it’s called the present. Our future blossoms from our RIGHT NOW.
So.
What we can do RIGHT NOW?
Can you find patience, compassion and forgiveness for yourself? Can you return to your breath and find comfort in the discomfort?
Can you be okay with not being okay?
Sometimes all I can do is walk in nature, with the tree canopy over my head; and oftentimes that’s all it takes for me to come back to myself. Even if my head doesn’t make sense, nature always makes sense.
In other words, imposter syndrome is just another part of ourselves that we need to embrace and love, rather than reject and suppress. By acknowledging our imposter syndrome and accepting it as a natural part of our journey, we can move beyond its limitations and tap into our true potential. We can recognize that everyone feels this way!
The July 27th 2022 New Moon in Leo gave me hope and energy and optimism to write out what I wanted for the future. It breathed the light back into my Solar Plexus and blew the embers back into my Soul to spark the new-beginnings-energy of this moon. This moon whispered an Ayahuasca Ceremony toward me in order to root my intentions in all dimensions of myself. Getting clear with my intentions and making those intentions known to all corners of the multiverse.
ego* death
I have found (and many others too) that when you embark on an Ayahuasca ceremony you have what is known as an “ego death.” This means less of ME and more of WE, we start to be less concerned with the Avatar or the ‘self’ and become more concerned with All, or the Soul, or the ‘Self.’ When the ego dissolves, it makes way for a deeper awareness of the interconnectedness of all things. Ayahuasca allows all the extra stuff that we’ve layered on throughout life to be peeled away to get back to our chocolate-y nougat-y center.
What is you vs what your parents told you? Are you leading or are you following? What are your knee jerk reactions vs the ones you’ve been taught? Are you living your best life or are you afraid of your own light? What are your stories vs the ones you’ve been told? Through this process we are free to rewrite old stories and create new ones, based on our authentic experiences and inner truth.
To achieve ego death, we must be willing to confront our fears, doubts, and insecurities, in order to be open to the possibility of radical transformation.
'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid? '
'That is the only time a man can be brave.’ ~ Ned Stark
Ultimately, the experience of ego death and working through imposter syndrome can be so liberating!! It allows us to live more fully and authentically, with a greater sense of connection to ourselves, others, and the world around us. By embracing these processes, we can access our innermost truths, deepen our integrity, connect to our truth and live in alignment with our highest potential :)
Remember: You are made of divinity embodied stardust and you deserve to be here.
* Disclaimer - the ego is not necessarily a bad thing. Think of it as an angsty teen protecting the inner child. Wanting to ‘rid yourself of the ego’ is, of course, completely egoic! ‘Ego Death’ refers to the dissolution of what you identify as yourself during special circumstances i.e. plant medicine or intense spiritual awakenings.
