fuck & the throat chakra

Screaming to release stuck emotions is a well-known method of Somatic Therapy - just like crying or shaking. These exercises can help to provide relief by setting the emotion free and relaxing the nervous system.

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Never underestimate the power of screaming “FUCK” on the top of your lungs.

Seriously.

I know that might sound weird, but let’s unpack this together:

The word “Fuck” is the word we’re told we’re not supposed to say. And maybe because of this it might be the word we want to say: and therefore holds SOOOOO much energy. What we resist persists, remember?

We know that sometimes emotions get trapped inside our body if we don’t allow them their life’s mission - which is full expression. We know that stuck / long term emotions can cause physical issues (you’ve heard of stress & its relationship with disease, yes?)

Similar Childhood experiences

So let’s reflect on these potential experiences you may have had in childhood - especially if you’re female.

You may have been told:

1. You’re not allowed to be angry

2. You’re not allowed to be loud: kids are meant to be seen and not heard

3. How dare you say that!

Perhaps you were shamed with

4. People won’t respect you if you talk like a sailor.

5. Good kids don’t say bad words!

Perhaps guilted with

6. If you say that it reflects poorly on me!

This is a list of common things we’re told as children, amongst others. This list is destructive to our self esteem, autonomy and boundaries because it limits what you’re able to say and how you express. Who is anyone to tell you not to say things?

I’ve always thought that not saying a word gives it more power. This is also true when it comes to names. I have found when I do sound healing sessions, I sometimes will ask my client to purge the name of a person who hurt them; this is in order to release it out of their body. Often there is an emotional response to it and 10/10 times the person feels better! Consider the lesson of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named from the Harry Potter series:

“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” ~ Dumbledore

We allow certain words to hold energy and then we deny ourselves energy.

Why? Let’s use that untapped potential!?

I find that specifically yelling this word - FUCK - helps to release and unlock a lot of power from people who would consider themselves people-pleasers, perhaps children of narcissistic parents or tendencies, and therefore maybe lacking boundaries.

There is latent power in yelling FUCK.

Now, if you’re like “But Jess, the word FUCK comes from horrible roots!” Like yea, you might be right... But that just proves my point even more!

“If you name me, you negate me.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard.

What if instead of judging this word as bad, we unlock the potent potential of setting this word free. Let’s harness this ferocious energy of “FUCK” by yelling it on the tops of our lungs and using it to clear the Throat Chakra and heal ourselves!

*Note: I’m not saying its okay to swear AT people - anger splashed on others is, in fact, inappropriate.

Turning back time

Personally, I believe in past lives.

Back in the day it was easiest to kill people via the neck (aka Throat Chakra). People were hung, throats were slit, heads rolled from the guillotine. People who were scouts, truth tellers, and history writers were murdered to keep truth hidden. Is it any surprise that the reincarnations of those people - us - struggle with the truth: how can we speak our truth if it’s dangerous? if we’ll get killed because of it? if our subconscious mind or perhaps our soul is scarred with these memories as truth = pain?

How can we tell our truth when it’s literally been disconnected from us?

Why does this matter?

Healing the throat chakra

The Throat Chakra is seen as the bridge to higher chakras; below the Throat Chakra, the others deal with physical-realm things; safety, abundance, motivation, and love; but the Chakras above the throat deal with intuition, self awareness and realization, and divine consciousness & connectedness.

Finding your truth, understanding it and speaking it help heal the Throat Chakra. How do we do this?

1. Figure out what your truth is:

   • Spend time alone, away from people and social media

   • Others don’t know your truth, only you do

   • Silence helps you hear better

2. Understand your truth and what it means

   • Connecting deeply within yourself

   • Understanding your emotions & patterns

   • Aligning with your authenticity

3. Speaking your truth

   • From a space of integrity

   • With balanced emotions, and a centered & grounded Self

In Biofield Tuning, we find the right side of the Throat Chakra relates to issues speaking your truth and not being heard. This can be because someone wasn’t listening, or flat out didn’t believe you. The left side of the Throat Chakra deals with not speaking your truth; this can happen if we don’t know what our truth is, if speaking our truth isn’t safe, or even! If we’re not listening to ourselves. How can others hear us if we don’t hear ourselves?

When I work with clients on the Throat Chakra a piece of homework I give them is to go on a drive and scream FUCK as loud as they can. For themselves, for their inner child, for their pain, their life’s journey, for past lives, and people they’ve been before.

Try it & see what happens*

Here’s to the women who don’t give a fuck ~ Janne Robinson

Somatic therapy

This blog is inspired by the wisdom of Somatic Therapy. Somatic Therapy is not something I have been trained in, but its something I’ve always understood intuitively - and you probably do too.

We see children self soothe by moving or rocking their body back and forth when they are upset. We release emotional pain by crying or running or dancing. Somatic Therapy is a way to release emotions with techniques that range from body exercises - like shaking or writing or mental exercises like body scans, relaxing the body as you scan different areas with your mind.

I have found that specifically yelling FUCK seems to help unlock latent power in people who would historically call themselves people-pleasers. Something about saying the word ‘you’re not supposed to say’ sets them free.*

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Please watch Osho’s similar opinion on The Magic of the Word Fuck

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*Disclaimer -

1. Don’t splash your anger on others, there should be no ~ receiver ~ to your anger.

2. You don’t have to agree, as always try things with the same philosophy of trying on a T-shirt. If it doesn’t fit, try on a new one ;)

IBOGA: Death & dying PT1

the beginning

In February 2024 on a farm in Middle of Nowhere, Portugal, I embarked on a deep transformational experience using the very intense healing power of the plant medicine Iboga.

In this blog I want to stress the intensity of Iboga without scaring people away from this deeply healing plant medicine: Iboga is incredibly powerful and should be approached with care. This blog contains no medical advice and is only my personal experience. Unless proper precautions, such as a medical team and EKG machine constantly monitoring your heart rate, complications and even death can occur.

Iboga is a plant medicine that is known for it’s Grandfather energy; to me, it feels very grounded, earthy, accessing ancestral and potentially past life information ingrained in my root chakra, in the very marrow of my bones. I would compare it to Ayahuasca ONLY in the sense that Ayahuasca is equally powerful and is known for it’s Grandmother essence. To me, Ayahuasca is enlightening and therefore the energy exists up around your head and your upper chakras; whereas Iboga is grounded in your lower chakras and physical body. Ayahuasca goes up, Iboga goes down.

The two sacred plant medicines have similar and different energies in many ways. Iboga comes from the root bark of a shrub in Central Africa, whereas Ayahuasca comes from the rainforest of South America; and both are used by indigenous people in sacred ceremony.

safety

Before the ceremony we got our blood drawn and the medical staff assessed our weight (for dosing), our blood pressure and our heart rate. During the ceremony we were hooked up to the EKG machine the whole time: 36 hours. This was to make sure we were healthy enough to continue taking the dose. Iboga can cause arrhythmia which can lead to death, so if you are considering working with Iboga, take this into consideration in selecting which center you use.

We prepped our mind and bodies before the experience with breathwork and yoga. We discussed how using this plant medicine is very much like embarking on a ‘Hero’s Journey.’ The Hero’s Journey was a story-model designed by Joseph Campbell where a normal person goes through something intense, succeeds and is thereby transformed forever. We (my boyfriend and I) knew that we would be different after this experience.

the ceremony

When the effects of the Iboga began I was mentally and metaphysically preparing to ‘fight’ something. They told us to create a scary monster in our mind that represented all of my doubts, insecurities and fears; in fighting and winning I was proving my worthiness, my courage and my strength to myself.

Initially, there was fear and doubt in my mind questioning:

1. Could I win this fight?

2. What if I do it ‘wrong?’

3. Would I literally die if I didn’t?

This pattern of doubting myself has been present in my past and I decided I was sick and tired of letting it direct my life. Even though I didn’t feel 100% ready I knew I was as ready as I’d ever be, I also knew that when you are afraid is the only time you can be brave, and I found comfort in that.

My mind created the fighting arena: there was a bridge I had to cross with a door on the other side that led into a castle, naturally the monster was on the bridge blocking my path.

I had to jump at the monster on the bridge, kill him and get into the door behind him. He was big and scary but I imagined my brother being in danger behind the door and that gave me the inspiration I needed to begin my attack.

As I jumped toward the monster with all the courage (and a cool sword) I could muster and I suddenly felt this bottomless well of resilience rise up inside me like an earthly flame. It began in my solar plexus and my heart moving and flowing throughout my body to my appendages. It was incredibly visceral and my real physical body moved and undulated in tandem with this energetic flow. It felt like the deepest strength and loudest courage, like my heart was transforming into a very literal ‘heart of a lion.’

This bottomless well of resilience was previously unbeknownst and unfamiliar to me, but I realized in this moment it was my birthright and I claimed it with all the courage I had. Any doubts that danced through my head like “but what if you can’t,” “what if you fail,” were revealed as lies and suddenly died, dissolved and turned to ash. What was left was an even stronger, tangible and more resonant truth that echoed in my bones: “there’s no way you can fail,” “there is no such thing as failure.” It felt like every cell in my body had turned into sunshine.

Once the monster came to his end with the blade of my sword, I opened the door of the castle and I met Iboga. He was African with one green eye and one yellow eye, I only ever saw the top half of his face and he spoke telepathically to me and a rumbling gravelly deep voice. His voice guided me to tumble further back into my subconscious, not falling, but supported somehow and weightless. Under the mentorship of Iboga I was able to begin this deep healing work - it was almost as if my ‘Jess Avatar’ was broken down into the smallest particles and spread throughout the farthest reaches of the known universe so I could see all my parts and components - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and work with them individually.

As Iboga guided me I saw the things that I had been avoiding, for me this looks like:

1. sadness, because it reminds me of being depressed in the past so it doesn’t feel safe to access because I don’t want to get sucked in ever again

2. avoiding and suppressing the thoughts that I’m an imposter and not good enough

3. thinking that I’m an failure

4. that everything is my fault and

5. thinking that I’m unworthy and unlovable and

6. that I don’t deserve my wild and abundant life.

feeling myself die

During the experience I felt and knew (?) I was dying, but I also was deeply aware that I had to die in order to be reborn.

Iboga helped me feel all the things I was afraid of and I died through each emotion I was resisting. I experienced death through sadness, death through being not good enough, death through failure, death because it was my fault, death through my unworthiness and death through being undeserving. I died through embracing and accepting these things - this process wasn’t fun - it was so painful and felt awful and like the most torturous suffering I had ever suffered!!!

AND

It felt like this old Jess had to die through these things in order to be reborn into a new unwavering resiliency and courage. Old Jess couldn’t fathom those things, so she needed to die.

Kill the boy and let the man be born.

Iboga was still not done teaching me yet: I arrived in hell and I witnessed the most awful things - my imagination is incredibly vivid but the things I saw in hell were surprising, even for me. Hell was barren and dead and the color was all bleached out, it was bleak, hopeless and reeked of the deepest despair. Just as quickly as I wanted to resist it and hate it, I realized it was better to surrender so I decided to keep walking - much like the Winston Churchill quote.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

In surrendering to this entire experience I realized I was okay. Even dead and in hell, I was okay. This was a truly enlightening experience: I was okay in this hell, I sat with the despair, the pain, the suffering, the agony. I didn’t resist what I was feeling, seeing and going through. Through sacred surrender I felt a spark of sunshine and acceptance deep inside myself. I realized I was in hell, and that’s okay. I was suffering, in pain and scared, and that was okay. I was fearful I would never get out, and that was okay. I was afraid I was a failure, and that was okay. I was afraid I was unlovable and unworthy, and that was okay. I felt like I was an imposter and undeserving of my wild and amazing life, and that was okay. Suddenly no matter how negative my brain’s thoughts spiraled, the resonant truth that it was all okay echoed like a heart beat coming from inside and outside of myself.

being reborn

What a revelation it was! Surrendering to every thought of doubt and despair started to shape an innate and immovable self acceptance. I was able to hear the electricity that energized my heart and the blood pumping through my veins.

I realized I was listening to my own aliveness.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy.

For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger –

something better, pushing right back.

―Albert Camus

I realized at the deepest level of existence there exists incredible pain - however, that pain is paired and indistinguishable from the most orgasmic feeling of love and electricity. The very essence of life itself?! How lucky was I to experience this fantastical and life changing truth?!

Even though I was in pain, dead, in hell and suffering, there was this dogged determination to continue, a passion and zest for life’s juiciness even at rock bottom. Due to my prior work with death and transformation, I am comfortable at rock bottom because I know that is one of life’s biggest catalysts for change…

I was being initiated.

My intention before the Iboga was my continued passion, zest and love for life, my desire to go on, live loudly and unapologetically. I have always lived like I was telling the best story ever told and I wanted that magic to be branded on my soul.

Through this activation, I realized there was no such thing as right and wrong, there are only varying perspectives based on the color of our filter of experiences. That we are all one, that we are all different versions of each other, that we are all still twelve years old trying to figure out life, scared and insecure and doing out best. It made me weep tears from the deepest parts of my bones and DNA.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”

- Rumi

Continue reading in iboga: death & dying pt 2

unstick your stories

Stories

We all have them and they have an impact on how we see ourselves, show up in relationships, and how we live our lives. Stories are powerful tools for shaping our perceptions of the world, and they can have a profound influence on our sense of self.

On the one hand, stories can be incredibly empowering. They can inspire us to dream big, take risks, and pursue our passions. They can give us a sense of purpose and direction, and help us to connect with others who share our values and aspirations.

However, stories can also be limiting. When we are exposed to negative or restrictive stories about ourselves or the world around us, they can become internalized and start to shape our self-image. We may begin to believe that we are not good enough, or that we are incapable of achieving our goals. These stories can become self-fulfilling prophecies, leading us to hold ourselves back and miss out on opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

So how can we use the power of stories to become the best versions of ourselves, rather than being held back by limiting beliefs? One approach is to become more conscious of the stories we tell ourselves and others. By examining the narratives that shape our perceptions of the world, we can begin to identify and challenge the ones that are holding us back. We can seek out new stories that align with our values and aspirations, and use them to inspire and motivate us.

When I am going to say something negative about myself I say “in the past I was ____,” or “historically, I was _____,” this way I am putting the limiting belief behind me, in my past, where it belongs. I know how important the present moment is as that is the exact location that our future blossoms from!

Another approach is to become the authors of our own stories. Rather than allowing external narratives to define us, we can take control of our own narratives and shape them in a way that reflects our true authentic selves. This may involve taking risks, pursuing our passions, and embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities. This may also mean appreciating and acknowledging the people that you have been before and also allowing them to fade away at the same time.

I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this morning… but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. ~ Lewis Carroll

One time I was explaining astrology to a friend of mine, she was asking me to explain how she (an Aquarius) and I (a Cancer) were different. My simple explanation without going into Moon/Rising etc was to explain that as an air sign she has a sort of beautiful detached quality that allows her to not be offended by the words or expectations of others; me being a Cancer, a water sign who feels mostly everything and is historically sensitive, I could be offended much easier by something a friend said to me.

I use astrology as a guideline, like all divination tools they help you to see aspects of yourself you were blind to before. When I was describing this to my friend I realized that if I find myself offended I could just try to get up and out of my Cancerian mind for a moment, to transcend my own bullshit in order to have a broader perspective.

set yourself free

Let’s play pretend for a moment. What if you were not you? Not necessarily someone else, just not yourself with your past and your stories and your grievances and your pain. For a breath just allow your personality and your burdens to sink deep into the ground and allow yourself to become empty. Take a few slooooow and deeeeep breaths. And allow the self (personality / avatar) that is not the Self (soul) to sink into the earth. The ground of course will hold on to these things so you don’t have to. Now breathe from this emptiness, this unknownness, this spaciousness and see what it feels like. Do you feel burdened or stressed in the same way? Do you have the same physical discomfort in your body? Do you experience different emotions? Stay curious. What does this feel like?

Depression is your avatar telling you it's tired of being the character you're trying to play. ~ Jim Carrey

What this visualization allows us is to step outside of ourselves to see the cage we’ve built around ourselves with all of your stories. If I can consider for a second that I can be different, and my thoughts create emotions, which create hormones, which inspire actions, then by thinking may way into spaciousness, I can achieve spaciousness. By thinking myself limitless, I can achieve limitlessness.

Ultimately, the stories we tell ourselves and others have a profound impact on our sense of self and our ability to thrive in the world. By becoming more conscious of these stories and taking an active role in shaping them, we can unlock our full potential and become the best versions of ourselves!

Then one day the stories that made you vengeful, that made you powerless, that held control over you will just be chapters of an old book you read 15 years ago.

Please enjoy one of my favorite quotes from Alan Watts & Albert Camus.

Let's suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have.

And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say "Well, that was pretty great." But now let's have a surprise. Let's have a dream which isn't under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don't know what it's going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say "Wow, that was a close shave, wasn't it?"

And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream.

And finally, you would dream ... where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today. ~ Alan Watts

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The realization that life is absurd cannot be an end, but a beginning. ~ Albert Camus