fuck & the throat chakra

Screaming to release stuck emotions is a well-known method of Somatic Therapy - just like crying or shaking. These exercises can help to provide relief by setting the emotion free and relaxing the nervous system.

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Never underestimate the power of screaming “FUCK” on the top of your lungs.

Seriously.

I know that might sound weird, but let’s unpack this together:

The word “Fuck” is the word we’re told we’re not supposed to say. And maybe because of this it might be the word we want to say: and therefore holds SOOOOO much energy. What we resist persists, remember?

We know that sometimes emotions get trapped inside our body if we don’t allow them their life’s mission - which is full expression. We know that stuck / long term emotions can cause physical issues (you’ve heard of stress & its relationship with disease, yes?)

Similar Childhood experiences

So let’s reflect on these potential experiences you may have had in childhood - especially if you’re female.

You may have been told:

1. You’re not allowed to be angry

2. You’re not allowed to be loud: kids are meant to be seen and not heard

3. How dare you say that!

Perhaps you were shamed with

4. People won’t respect you if you talk like a sailor.

5. Good kids don’t say bad words!

Perhaps guilted with

6. If you say that it reflects poorly on me!

This is a list of common things we’re told as children, amongst others. This list is destructive to our self esteem, autonomy and boundaries because it limits what you’re able to say and how you express. Who is anyone to tell you not to say things?

I’ve always thought that not saying a word gives it more power. This is also true when it comes to names. I have found when I do sound healing sessions, I sometimes will ask my client to purge the name of a person who hurt them; this is in order to release it out of their body. Often there is an emotional response to it and 10/10 times the person feels better! Consider the lesson of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named from the Harry Potter series:

“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” ~ Dumbledore

We allow certain words to hold energy and then we deny ourselves energy.

Why? Let’s use that untapped potential!?

I find that specifically yelling this word - FUCK - helps to release and unlock a lot of power from people who would consider themselves people-pleasers, perhaps children of narcissistic parents or tendencies, and therefore maybe lacking boundaries.

There is latent power in yelling FUCK.

Now, if you’re like “But Jess, the word FUCK comes from horrible roots!” Like yea, you might be right... But that just proves my point even more!

“If you name me, you negate me.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard.

What if instead of judging this word as bad, we unlock the potent potential of setting this word free. Let’s harness this ferocious energy of “FUCK” by yelling it on the tops of our lungs and using it to clear the Throat Chakra and heal ourselves!

*Note: I’m not saying its okay to swear AT people - anger splashed on others is, in fact, inappropriate.

Turning back time

Personally, I believe in past lives.

Back in the day it was easiest to kill people via the neck (aka Throat Chakra). People were hung, throats were slit, heads rolled from the guillotine. People who were scouts, truth tellers, and history writers were murdered to keep truth hidden. Is it any surprise that the reincarnations of those people - us - struggle with the truth: how can we speak our truth if it’s dangerous? if we’ll get killed because of it? if our subconscious mind or perhaps our soul is scarred with these memories as truth = pain?

How can we tell our truth when it’s literally been disconnected from us?

Why does this matter?

Healing the throat chakra

The Throat Chakra is seen as the bridge to higher chakras; below the Throat Chakra, the others deal with physical-realm things; safety, abundance, motivation, and love; but the Chakras above the throat deal with intuition, self awareness and realization, and divine consciousness & connectedness.

Finding your truth, understanding it and speaking it help heal the Throat Chakra. How do we do this?

1. Figure out what your truth is:

   • Spend time alone, away from people and social media

   • Others don’t know your truth, only you do

   • Silence helps you hear better

2. Understand your truth and what it means

   • Connecting deeply within yourself

   • Understanding your emotions & patterns

   • Aligning with your authenticity

3. Speaking your truth

   • From a space of integrity

   • With balanced emotions, and a centered & grounded Self

In Biofield Tuning, we find the right side of the Throat Chakra relates to issues speaking your truth and not being heard. This can be because someone wasn’t listening, or flat out didn’t believe you. The left side of the Throat Chakra deals with not speaking your truth; this can happen if we don’t know what our truth is, if speaking our truth isn’t safe, or even! If we’re not listening to ourselves. How can others hear us if we don’t hear ourselves?

When I work with clients on the Throat Chakra a piece of homework I give them is to go on a drive and scream FUCK as loud as they can. For themselves, for their inner child, for their pain, their life’s journey, for past lives, and people they’ve been before.

Try it & see what happens*

Here’s to the women who don’t give a fuck ~ Janne Robinson

Somatic therapy

This blog is inspired by the wisdom of Somatic Therapy. Somatic Therapy is not something I have been trained in, but its something I’ve always understood intuitively - and you probably do too.

We see children self soothe by moving or rocking their body back and forth when they are upset. We release emotional pain by crying or running or dancing. Somatic Therapy is a way to release emotions with techniques that range from body exercises - like shaking or writing or mental exercises like body scans, relaxing the body as you scan different areas with your mind.

I have found that specifically yelling FUCK seems to help unlock latent power in people who would historically call themselves people-pleasers. Something about saying the word ‘you’re not supposed to say’ sets them free.*

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Please watch Osho’s similar opinion on The Magic of the Word Fuck

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*Disclaimer -

1. Don’t splash your anger on others, there should be no ~ receiver ~ to your anger.

2. You don’t have to agree, as always try things with the same philosophy of trying on a T-shirt. If it doesn’t fit, try on a new one ;)

Self Care

Hey there :)

So funny story, it took me until the other day when I posted something about Self Care that I realized I have not actually written a blog on Self Care.

This is a bit unusual because I talk about it all the time - it is the tiny soap box I stand on and wave my hands around… and in typing that statement I just had an ah ha! moment after realizing that I just started my sound-healing-only-instagram after 15 years… so I suppose I am late on a few important things.

Better late than never!

*starts to judge self and then immediately soaks self in forgiveness and patience for beginning so late*

Phew! Anyways!

I’ve written blogs on Self Inquiry and Energetic Hygiene and other topics related to self care, but never solely on self care. So here we are! I hope you enjoy :)

Why is Self Care so important?

I’m glad you asked.

Gracious receiving gives dignity to the act of giving

Imagine being so excited to give someone a gift it feels like your ‘tail’ is wagging. Imagine feeling the difference between their two possible reactions: 1. “oh my god thank you so much I’ve been looking for one of these forever!!!” 2. “oh thanks.” What did your energy do when you read the first statement vs the second? Perhaps it felt like your heart opened on the first statement, or you felt energized or loved or even just smiled; and then perhaps your energy or heart may have drooped a bit on the second statement.

Now imagine them giving a gift to you and you receiving their gift with the same enthusiasm from statement 1. This is the best way to receive all gifts whether it be monetary, physically like a hug, or energetic like gratitude.

Why? You might ask.

Because:

Gracious receiving gives dignity to the act of giving

When we give and receive in equal measure our heart chakra becomes balanced. If you put your arms out to your sides in a ‘T’ shape you’ll notice the arms are in the ~ zone ~ of the Heart Chakra. The Heart Chakra has to do with the love, mercy, kindness and compassion we give and offer to others - but also the love, mercy, kindness and compassion we give to OURSELVES!

It is just as important to be nice to yourself as it is to other people. You are a worthy and deserving being! You’ve been through a lot and you’re trying your best!

Honestly it’s hard to remember this and I totally get it - one of the best phrases that was ever shared with me - credited to my dearly departed Tif - was “you parent yourself the way your parents did, when you are stressed out.” That statement whacked me in the head and landed hard in my heart: I’m a relatively easy going person… but in the past, when I was stressed, my brain chatter was constant judgement and inner critic.

Why am I talking all about this in a blog about Self Care? Well, when you think about Self Care, it’s about caring about yourself. If your parents weren’t super supportive then that is the tone of the inner voice you have in your head under stress. Gently trying to switch that inner critic to the inner coach is super beneficial. Constantly judging, nitpicking, comparing, putting yourself down probably hasn’t helped you in the past, so maybe it’s time to try a new way!

Self care covers a wide range of topics

Self Care can be being gentle to yourself. It can be reminding yourself not to beat yourself up over little things. It can be physical like drinking water or working out. It can be mental like writing a to-do list of silly tasks just so your brain gets dopamine once you check them off…

If you are an human in today’s society you’re probably a bit stressed. I invite you (mmmmaybe perhaps urge you) to put Self Care at the top of your daily to-do list. Between expectations of peers, colleagues and family; social media trying its best to harvest and monetize your attention (yuck!) and not-so-great-news being on the news all the time it’s important to stay aligned, grounded, true to yourself & healthy - whatever that means for you.

If you’ve found me for healing services then you might be considered a Highly Sensitive person / empath / light worker, and if so, it is paramount to our own healing journey to Self Care, especially if we are sharing our talents with others in a healing space. We can pick up energy from other people and we want to make sure we don’t continue to carry that energy around.

We live in a time we have to be connected at all times, we live in a time that we have talked and connected with more people this year alone than in the entire lives of people back then. How crazy to think about? I would wager a guess that we see / interact with more people in a month (in person and social media) than our ancestors saw in a lifetime?!

Because of this we desperately need to take care of ourselves.

So, what does Self Care look like?

In the past I have not had the best habits i.e. food and alcohol, and it was hard for me to get out of those habits - so one of the very first things that I taught myself to do was to marry a bad habit with a good one. Am I going to eat that bag of Doritos? Yes… AND! Now I have to eat an apple first. If you try to cut everything that’s unhealthy it miiiight not work, and this is because these unhealthy habits also moonlight as coping skills. Sometimes we do need a day to do nothing, so take it, you deserve it, and then the next day maybe you notice you’re 4x as productive! (Ps: these stories are all autobiographical ;)

It’s all about balance!

Self Care is so much fun because there’s so many options to chose from! Here are some ideas for you:

Self care ideas from my heart to yours

Physical

• Workout - it’s no joke that working out helps stimulate happy neurotransmitters in your body to make your brain happier

• Hydrate - drink water! This is one of the simplest things that makes the biggest difference.

• Massage (or Acupuncture etc etc) - supports flow in the body. Movement = flow = health.

• Cold plunge - creates more of a dopamine hit then cocaine!

• Infrared Sauna - because it can penetrate the skin to help your cells detox

• Hiking - my favorite activity

• Nature - nature is my #1 self care to bring me back in alignment to myself

• Fasting - intermittently, and every once and awhile 4-7 days because I love all the health benefits you get from it.

• Sobriety - I’ve been sober for 10 months now and will write about this soon

• Dancing! I love a good Kevin-Bacon-Footloose-Dance-Explosion!

• Literally anything physical that makes you feel awesome… even sex!

Energetic

• Set boundaries with parents / friends / whomever

• Saying “no” without explaining yourself

• Salt bath - salt has “green” energy according so certain color therapy modalities which is cleansing & dissolving

• Energy / sound healing sessions of course ;)

• “Cutting” cords - to bring back your energy from others

• Manifesting / vision board to awake dreams into life / keep you on track with your goals

• Do something new even if you scares you - I can’t stress this one enough. This is truly how I live my life and my life has been a grand adventure because of it.

• Anything that makes your heart soar, you feel satisfaction & pride in yourself, anything that increases your mana ;)

Mental

• Allow work to end when you punch out

• Write down to-do list per day or week, check things off no matter how trivial they seem trains your brain to be proud of yourself (sometimes I make a list and check off: coffee walk, journal, set intentions)

• Set phone hours like working hours - phone goes on airplane at 6p and off airplane at 6am

• Read - anything: magazines, comic books, fiction, non fiction, just the act of focusing and reading and enjoying

• Allow quiet time

• Journal your intentions

• Anything that helps you dive into something so deep you find the mind has accidentally quieted itself… even rabbit holes ;)

Spiritual

• Carving time out of your day for yourself i.e. solo time

• Meditate

• Connect with nature

• Start cultivating a true “You” practice, doing breathwork, learning about mindfulness, think of it like a gift to yourself

• Anything that brings you back home to yourself, in alignment with your truth and your wild authenticity

Stay in touch!

I would love to hear how this blog helped, inspired or just re-aligned you back on your path toward Self Care!

Don’t hesitate to reach out, comment like or share <3

Meditation has been hacked by Silicon Valley!

I just emerged from a 7 day Jhana Meditation retreat in Northern, California and it was delicious!

I have always had a deep desire to do a meditation retreat but have heard a fair share of horror stories about sitting still for 10 hours a day with no movement or journaling allowed - yikes! These stories have unfortunately really kept me from meditation retreats and also made me judge my own practice.

There are so many expectations you hear about meditation: you must sit still, you must focus, you must concentrate, you must do it for 30m at least, you must do it every day. For an Eastern Practice it has always felt oddly Western in its rigidity. I have never considered myself a great meditator because I have trouble sitting still, figit constantly, prefer movement in my meditation and feel most ‘connected’ to myself, the world around me and the universe when I’m on a difficult hike to a rocky summit.

I have known that I can access heightened states of consciousness and awareness due to my lifetime awareness of being a natural born intuitive and empath; and all the body / energy awareness it brings; and through my energetic & sound healing practice of 15 years. I never had words for these heightened states and would call them just that - “heightened states of consciousness,” “altered states,” being “blissed out,” or “in flow.”

As it turns out, these are Jhanic states: Jhana is defined as a meditative state of profound stillness and ’collectedness’ in which the mind becomes fully immersed and absorbed.

Like other epic crossovers (i.e. rap music falling in love with country and vice versa) I find it beautiful that the engineers and tech guys of Silicon Valley have hacked meditation using Left Brain techniques and skills. The facilitators at this retreat described it best when they said they “are using Left Brain Techniques to teach Right Brain Concepts.”

Think of it as a drop down menu:

Try to Relax, is it working? If yes, continue, if no, see if you can enjoy. Is enjoying working? If yes, continue, if no, try to observe, and so on and so on. The pillars they taught gave me confidence to ease into the techniques - and my favorite part - if you get distracted just allow the distraction to be part of the experience. ‘Distraction is traction,’ as they say - this is one of the biggest missing pieces for me! You mean I can invite all my thoughts and feelings, colors, songs from high school, bird noises, random dreams, “what am I going to eat later, when is my next hike” thoughts into my meditation?!

And you know what?

It worked! Instead of trying to “quiet my mind,” I opened it up instead. Instead of trying to stop my thoughts or single focus on an object, i loved every thought, every feeling, every breeze, every birdsong, every murmur of someone talking in the background, any feeling into my awareness and loved it deeply. I started to see my distracted thoughts as a little kid running into a house and interrupting a conversation - the kid is just excited to share - he deserves love and attention - and the more he gets it the more he goes back outside to play. When you try to “stop” your thoughts you are literally putting resistance up, and not surprisingly getting resistance in return.

I like to explain the Jhana’s through my hiking analogy as that was the epiphany that I had that I realized I’ve been doing them my whole life. Maybe this will help you connect to your own pathway to the Jhanas:

For me, Jhana 1 is like being on a hike and seeing the top of the mountain I am going to summit: there is ecstatic, excitement, high levels of vibration and energy flowing through my body, almost as if I want to wiggle out of my skin, the defined area of my body begins to dissolve and become one with the atmosphere.

~ Important note I also realize this is why people don’t like hiking with me haha!! I get into these rapturous states and they’re questioning why are we friends ~

Jhana 2 is like summing the mountain: the euphoria starts to dissolve into a softer happiness, a gratitude for my body that I did it, a contentment, a non-egoic sense of accomplishment.

Jhana 3 is after I summit a mountain I send energy to everyone I love. I call it the Care Bear Stare and if you know me personally or watched the 80’s cartoon The Care Bears, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I send love and appreciation to all my friends all over the world, everyone I’ve ever met and even people i used to know. This is my way of offering friendliness and appreciation to everyone that has journeyed with me in this life.

Jhana 4 is either a) the hike down the mountain or b) when I am in bed later holding the deepest gratitude in all of the cells of my body. The most peaceful state of returning, of relaxing.

Grant, one of my meditation facilitators invited me to dive a bit deeper into Jhana 4 so later that night I did and at first it smelled like dead leaves in a forest if it had rained yesterday, the deepest most beautiful sweet delicious and dead leaves earth smell. I felt my body sink into the earth like I was being buried, but in a gentle and sweet sense - my body was returning to the earth. I felt cozy, held by the dirt around me, I felt as if my body and energy was being recycled for something new and then immediately the visual changed to spring and little buds and flowers and moss started growing on the top of the earth over me and I felt complete - that I had completed this natural and sacred cycle.

Later I journeyed with another amazing facilitator - Judah - and in writing about my experience it accidentally turned itself into a poem:

Luminous light with effervescent sparkles

Grounded dissolving bones into the earth

Shallow breaths deepen, pumping diaphragm to ignite the spark of the Solar Plexus

Light where there was darkness

Play tension like a guitar string, a song is possible

When you are powerful you don’t need bad patterns to make you bigger than others

Fractal flowers spiral into dresses with invitation to

A dance hosted in a nighttime canopy of planets and stars

Infinity folds back on itself

What is the experience?

What is experience?

Anything I try to hold slips immediately from my mind, off the shelf and into the void

There is only now

Here

And right now

There is only everything all at once at any time

Inside of nothing cradles everything

Everything turns to nothing

Stephen, another facilitator, had mentioned how when you read a poem the first time it’s lovely but after you figure out these jhanic states it’s like an instructional manual and I couldn’t agree more!

Overall, my deepest realization was that I meditate best when I am not trying to, and that is my playful and curious door into the Jhanas, meditative states, heightened consciousness, altered awareness and being blissed out.

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So, if you are like me and have struggled with meditating or the idea of meditating - let’s begin together! Here are some helpful hints and phrases from retreat I find invaluable:

• What are you curious about in your experience right now?

• What needs to be acknowledged?

• Can you relax, enjoy and observe?

• Can you forgive yourself for not understanding.

• Nothing exists in our experience independent of how we relate to it.

• Can you let yourself be overwhelmed by your experience?

  
  
  If you’re interested in learning more: I found the retreat to be delightful, the facilitators fantastic. Thanks to Stephen, Judah, Grant, Owen & Jack
  

Click here to learn more about Jhana Jhourney Retreats!

Iboga: Death & Dying Pt 2

Read iboga: death & dying pt 1 here

Returning to life

When I was coming out of the experience 36 hours later, I heard Jason (my boyfriend in the next room) crying and ‘knew’ it was because I had died; I was upset because I ‘knew’ he had to call my parents and tell them I was dead and I ‘knew’ they would be devastated.

I was feeling horrible physically which deepened the idea that I was dead and when I told the medical staff they gave me concerned looks. Naturally I became even more convinced I was deceased. Jason came into the room asking for a hug and I ‘knew’ it was because he wanted to see me one last time before my body was taken away.

When Jason came into the room he hugged me and it felt like life itself. He suggested we sit outside in the sunshine and once I was finally able to get up, we sat outside. My experience tumbled out of my mouth in discoherent fragments and I told him how much of a failure I was, I didn’t deserve him, everything was my fault and I asked him if he called my parents - to my surprise he laughed and asked to clarify what the heck I was talking about - I continued almost drunkenly: “but I’m dead and someone needs to tell my parents.” He assured me I was not dead and in fact, very much alive as I had been reborn through this process. You can only imagine the relief I felt!

We sat in the bright afternoon light of springtime in Portugal looking at the yellow flowers that reached and stretched out into the field in front of us. We talked, connected, shared insights and vulnerability, cuddled and loved one another without any resistance, hesitation or expectation. The love I felt in these moments exceeds any love I’ve ever felt in my life. It was love in the form of life after death; the most alive and vibrant love I’ve ever experienced.

A day or two later we did 5MeO-DMT which is a very powerful psychedelic to complete the circle of the ceremony and it was the most beautiful DMT experience I have ever had: I inhaled the medicine and a whole universe of experiences tumbled out of my mouth as I exhaled, and my body relaxed down to the ground. I began to stretch, and the further I stretched the better it felt, I stretched so big that to this day I believe I’m an inch taller!

I laughed with the purity, effervescence and unencumberedness of a child’s laugh: a laugh free from the wisdom and pain of life’s experiences. I sobbed and the sobbing felt just as good or better than the laughter: it felt like I was releasing the deepest sadness that had occupied my internal organs and dwelled in my DNA. I laughed and cried for myself, my family, my friends, and my ancestors, I laughed and cried for everyone I knew, and then everyone who had ever been known.

It felt delicious to allow it to come out, to be expressed, to be witnessed, and to be healed.

the healing process

The healing process continued with similar intensity and took another full week. I was exhausted and felt like a raw nerve walking around; my nervous system felt fried, lights were too bright, any sounds were too loud, people were way to people-y.

I felt like something immortal had just been demoted to mortality. I found it difficult to interact with my fellow humans. I had just been in hell - it was hard to relate.

During my healing process in this heavy drug-like, dream-like state, I found out that one of my closest friends died. Tiffany Barsotti was my mentor, medical intuitive, spiritual counselor, roommate, co-worker in the realm of biofield and subtle energy sciences and a light in the life of myself and anyone who was lucky enough to know her.

It felt physically unbelievable: because I was feeling dead, it was impossible that Tif and I were both dead. Leaning into to the drug like dream-like state I felt like I was in the ‘woods between worlds’ I was transitioning from death to life and she was passing by going the opposite direction. In this nebulous space in between time I reached out to Tif, I felt her presence and energy. She visited, energetically hugged me tightly and assured me that I was not dead and would continue to live; and she shared that she was on the most incredible adventure through her passing. As I continue to edit this blog months later, she visits me often in meditation and dreams and I am forever blessed with the memories I have with her, and in heightened states of awareness when I feel her sitting next to me and jokingly pointing out a pattern of mine I was previously unaware of.

Being in this state of in between life and death felt oddly synchronous because I felt she was near me in this state where nothing and everything was simultaneously real; where everything was impossible and possible at the same time.

waking up into my aliveness

Now that I have fully come back from this experience I feel AMAZING. When I speak, my statements feel more authentic to my truth and my soul. My listening to understand has improved, my desire to connect and understand others has deepened. It feels like the back of my brain woke up.

I am inspired to live deeper, I feel healthy, vibrant and alive. I feel centered in myself, aligned in my soul and grounded in my path, purpose, and mission.

I am so grateful for my courage to work with this plant medicine; I am grateful for this Hero’s Journey through this spiritual ceremony and deep healing process with Iboga.

In this space I realized that grief is a gift and that sitting with grief allows the sadness to become sacred.

Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

―Jamie Anderson

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I hope you enjoyed my personal journey with Iboga. If you have any questions about it I would love to connect with you. Once again, it’s important to select a good center with a medical team if you decide to take this journey! It’s hard, but worth it!

Please enjoy my Free Grief Sound Healing Session inspired by Tiffany’s love and light by clicking here.

~

This blog is dedicated to and in honor of the life, the light, the love and the work of Rev. Tiffany Barsotti M.Th, PhD.

Please consider donating to her fund here to continue her work and legacy to advance the field of biofield sciences, and increase collaborations that foster connections between healing practitioners and scientists.

How to build an altar

Why create an altar?

We create altars for many reasons:

• As a space for focus & meditation

• To conjure something into our life - like peace, abundance, love, or protection

• For manifestation

• To honor something - like our ancestors or nature

• For ritual

• To help us release.

Note: There is no ‘right away’ to create an altar as it is a deeply intuitive and individual journey - here I will share with you my personal process.

Before we begin our altar creation it is a good idea to get clarity on your intentions + purpose.

cleanse space

When I am creating an altar I usually do it with a specific intention during a celestial event. My most recent altar I created for Beltane - the midway point between Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice. I had a few people reach out and ask me about it and that inspired this blog.

I like to cleanse my space where I am building my altar through the sound of om, crystal bowls, koshi chimes OR with smoke, incense, and fire.

gather 5 elements + build altar

When I create an altar I like to have all five elements represented - earth, water, air, fire and aether (or plasma).

For earth I use: crystals, bones, pieces of wood, herbs, flowers and snake symbolism. I always have snake symbolism in my altar creation for the qualities snakes represent - shedding skin, transformation and wisdom. The earth aspect of my altar invokes feelings of grounding, support and symbolizes abundance, wealth and success.

For air I use a feather and say my intentions out loud, to be carried on the wind up into the heavens - much like the method of prayer flags. Honoring the air element symbolizes intellect, ideas, imagination.

For fire: I light a candle to conjure health, passion, enthusiasm, courage, adventure and life.

For water: I collect rainwater - if you are in a dry area you can take water and bless it with your hands or sacred sounds (chanting, om-ing, crystal bowls, etc). Water symbolizes emotion, intuition, psychic abilities and clairvoyance.

For aether or plasma I use a Lichtenberg figure which was a gift from a friend of mine. It is an acrylic ball shocked by electricity which creates a lightening fractal running through it.

Other things I’ll place on my altar:

• Meaningful items like gifts or statues of deities

• Actual physical money

• Tokens, like a scarab from Egypt, or a protecting eye

• Jewelry that I wear - to cleanse and to conjure

• Pictures / names of people I want included

• Items based on intentions, colors or seasons

• Written Mantras, or spells

The way I build my altar is very intuitive, and it is my opinion that however you build your altar is best for you. All my altars are different but they follow a general idea.

• Some crystals point in toward the center if they symbolize what I want to draw in - like citrine pulling in energy for abundance.

• Some crystals point out to ground energy - like tourmaline or shunguuite.

• Some crystals point up to release energy out and away - like quartz to create a ‘vent’ of energy, in my mind this creates a movement much like breathing.

You will notice when you create your altar and place significant items & crystals around it that some will ‘want’ to be turned in, out, up or down. This is part of the creative and intuitive process :)

CONJURE / manifest / pray

After I have built my altar it is time to sit with it. I thank the natural kingdom + cardinal directions and I focus on my intention. I meditate, allowing my mind to become blank fills it with solutions.

I pray saying thank you, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and I cast spells. I ask for guidance from my guides, I sit with the older and younger version of myself. I manifest the things I want in my life, I revisit my intentions and speak my affirmations.

Release ritual

It is my opinion that altars become conscious organisms with the proper intention & ingredients. So, when I am done with this whole process I use different stones to point/send any excess energy out an actual window. This way the process becomes self sufficient after I am finished; it completes whatever other intentions it has and then releases itself when it feels finished.

Simplified Steps to create your altar

1. Set intentions

2. Cleanse space with fire / smoke / incense /sound

3. Gather tokens / amulets / crystals / things from environment

4. Build altar

5. Pray / meditate / cast spells (it’s all the same magic ;)

6. Release ritual

~

Personal note: Let me know what you thought of this blog by messaging me! I would love to see a picture of your altar if you were open to sharing!

IBOGA: Death & dying PT1

the beginning

In February 2024 on a farm in Middle of Nowhere, Portugal, I embarked on a deep transformational experience using the very intense healing power of the plant medicine Iboga.

In this blog I want to stress the intensity of Iboga without scaring people away from this deeply healing plant medicine: Iboga is incredibly powerful and should be approached with care. This blog contains no medical advice and is only my personal experience. Unless proper precautions, such as a medical team and EKG machine constantly monitoring your heart rate, complications and even death can occur.

Iboga is a plant medicine that is known for it’s Grandfather energy; to me, it feels very grounded, earthy, accessing ancestral and potentially past life information ingrained in my root chakra, in the very marrow of my bones. I would compare it to Ayahuasca ONLY in the sense that Ayahuasca is equally powerful and is known for it’s Grandmother essence. To me, Ayahuasca is enlightening and therefore the energy exists up around your head and your upper chakras; whereas Iboga is grounded in your lower chakras and physical body. Ayahuasca goes up, Iboga goes down.

The two sacred plant medicines have similar and different energies in many ways. Iboga comes from the root bark of a shrub in Central Africa, whereas Ayahuasca comes from the rainforest of South America; and both are used by indigenous people in sacred ceremony.

safety

Before the ceremony we got our blood drawn and the medical staff assessed our weight (for dosing), our blood pressure and our heart rate. During the ceremony we were hooked up to the EKG machine the whole time: 36 hours. This was to make sure we were healthy enough to continue taking the dose. Iboga can cause arrhythmia which can lead to death, so if you are considering working with Iboga, take this into consideration in selecting which center you use.

We prepped our mind and bodies before the experience with breathwork and yoga. We discussed how using this plant medicine is very much like embarking on a ‘Hero’s Journey.’ The Hero’s Journey was a story-model designed by Joseph Campbell where a normal person goes through something intense, succeeds and is thereby transformed forever. We (my boyfriend and I) knew that we would be different after this experience.

the ceremony

When the effects of the Iboga began I was mentally and metaphysically preparing to ‘fight’ something. They told us to create a scary monster in our mind that represented all of my doubts, insecurities and fears; in fighting and winning I was proving my worthiness, my courage and my strength to myself.

Initially, there was fear and doubt in my mind questioning:

1. Could I win this fight?

2. What if I do it ‘wrong?’

3. Would I literally die if I didn’t?

This pattern of doubting myself has been present in my past and I decided I was sick and tired of letting it direct my life. Even though I didn’t feel 100% ready I knew I was as ready as I’d ever be, I also knew that when you are afraid is the only time you can be brave, and I found comfort in that.

My mind created the fighting arena: there was a bridge I had to cross with a door on the other side that led into a castle, naturally the monster was on the bridge blocking my path.

I had to jump at the monster on the bridge, kill him and get into the door behind him. He was big and scary but I imagined my brother being in danger behind the door and that gave me the inspiration I needed to begin my attack.

As I jumped toward the monster with all the courage (and a cool sword) I could muster and I suddenly felt this bottomless well of resilience rise up inside me like an earthly flame. It began in my solar plexus and my heart moving and flowing throughout my body to my appendages. It was incredibly visceral and my real physical body moved and undulated in tandem with this energetic flow. It felt like the deepest strength and loudest courage, like my heart was transforming into a very literal ‘heart of a lion.’

This bottomless well of resilience was previously unbeknownst and unfamiliar to me, but I realized in this moment it was my birthright and I claimed it with all the courage I had. Any doubts that danced through my head like “but what if you can’t,” “what if you fail,” were revealed as lies and suddenly died, dissolved and turned to ash. What was left was an even stronger, tangible and more resonant truth that echoed in my bones: “there’s no way you can fail,” “there is no such thing as failure.” It felt like every cell in my body had turned into sunshine.

Once the monster came to his end with the blade of my sword, I opened the door of the castle and I met Iboga. He was African with one green eye and one yellow eye, I only ever saw the top half of his face and he spoke telepathically to me and a rumbling gravelly deep voice. His voice guided me to tumble further back into my subconscious, not falling, but supported somehow and weightless. Under the mentorship of Iboga I was able to begin this deep healing work - it was almost as if my ‘Jess Avatar’ was broken down into the smallest particles and spread throughout the farthest reaches of the known universe so I could see all my parts and components - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and work with them individually.

As Iboga guided me I saw the things that I had been avoiding, for me this looks like:

1. sadness, because it reminds me of being depressed in the past so it doesn’t feel safe to access because I don’t want to get sucked in ever again

2. avoiding and suppressing the thoughts that I’m an imposter and not good enough

3. thinking that I’m an failure

4. that everything is my fault and

5. thinking that I’m unworthy and unlovable and

6. that I don’t deserve my wild and abundant life.

feeling myself die

During the experience I felt and knew (?) I was dying, but I also was deeply aware that I had to die in order to be reborn.

Iboga helped me feel all the things I was afraid of and I died through each emotion I was resisting. I experienced death through sadness, death through being not good enough, death through failure, death because it was my fault, death through my unworthiness and death through being undeserving. I died through embracing and accepting these things - this process wasn’t fun - it was so painful and felt awful and like the most torturous suffering I had ever suffered!!!

AND

It felt like this old Jess had to die through these things in order to be reborn into a new unwavering resiliency and courage. Old Jess couldn’t fathom those things, so she needed to die.

Kill the boy and let the man be born.

Iboga was still not done teaching me yet: I arrived in hell and I witnessed the most awful things - my imagination is incredibly vivid but the things I saw in hell were surprising, even for me. Hell was barren and dead and the color was all bleached out, it was bleak, hopeless and reeked of the deepest despair. Just as quickly as I wanted to resist it and hate it, I realized it was better to surrender so I decided to keep walking - much like the Winston Churchill quote.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

In surrendering to this entire experience I realized I was okay. Even dead and in hell, I was okay. This was a truly enlightening experience: I was okay in this hell, I sat with the despair, the pain, the suffering, the agony. I didn’t resist what I was feeling, seeing and going through. Through sacred surrender I felt a spark of sunshine and acceptance deep inside myself. I realized I was in hell, and that’s okay. I was suffering, in pain and scared, and that was okay. I was fearful I would never get out, and that was okay. I was afraid I was a failure, and that was okay. I was afraid I was unlovable and unworthy, and that was okay. I felt like I was an imposter and undeserving of my wild and amazing life, and that was okay. Suddenly no matter how negative my brain’s thoughts spiraled, the resonant truth that it was all okay echoed like a heart beat coming from inside and outside of myself.

being reborn

What a revelation it was! Surrendering to every thought of doubt and despair started to shape an innate and immovable self acceptance. I was able to hear the electricity that energized my heart and the blood pumping through my veins.

I realized I was listening to my own aliveness.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy.

For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger –

something better, pushing right back.

―Albert Camus

I realized at the deepest level of existence there exists incredible pain - however, that pain is paired and indistinguishable from the most orgasmic feeling of love and electricity. The very essence of life itself?! How lucky was I to experience this fantastical and life changing truth?!

Even though I was in pain, dead, in hell and suffering, there was this dogged determination to continue, a passion and zest for life’s juiciness even at rock bottom. Due to my prior work with death and transformation, I am comfortable at rock bottom because I know that is one of life’s biggest catalysts for change…

I was being initiated.

My intention before the Iboga was my continued passion, zest and love for life, my desire to go on, live loudly and unapologetically. I have always lived like I was telling the best story ever told and I wanted that magic to be branded on my soul.

Through this activation, I realized there was no such thing as right and wrong, there are only varying perspectives based on the color of our filter of experiences. That we are all one, that we are all different versions of each other, that we are all still twelve years old trying to figure out life, scared and insecure and doing out best. It made me weep tears from the deepest parts of my bones and DNA.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”

- Rumi

Continue reading in iboga: death & dying pt 2

self-inquiry e-book

Hi friends!

I am a life-long learner, a constant student and a seeker of truths - internal and external.

I sit in dialogue with myself, I meditate, I reflect on how I act, what I say, how I make others feel. There is a constant self-inquiry that goes on in my mind.

I created a free Self Inquiry E-Book to help jump start your journey to Self Inquiry and here I thought I would list some prompt questions to inspire threads of thought and streams of consciousness.

Creative questions

• Is this emotion mine?

• Where do I feel this emotion in my body? What color is it?

• I get so _________________ when I__________ / __________ because it reminds me of ___________ and I feel _______________

• If I let go of this story, how would I feel?

• Do I benefit from this story?

• If you’re having trouble making a decision in the moment, is it possible that’s not the moment to make the decision?

• If I wasn’t me, how would life or ________ feel and how would situations / circumstances change?

• If I wasn’t so ________________ I would be able to _______________ because I ___________

• Did that person mean to do that to me? Or were they just meeting their own needs and I was a casualty?

Helpful Questions during Hard & triggered Times

• What makes you say / think that?

• Can you help me understand why you feel that way?

• Do you want advice or for me just to listen?

• I am hurt and feeling triggered and I need some space to process.

• What exactly triggered this emotional response?"

• Is my reaction proportional to the situation?

• What past experiences might be contributing to this reaction?

• Am I interpreting the situation accurately, or is my perception distorted by past experiences?

• What are the underlying emotions I'm feeling right now?

• What do I need in this moment to feel safe and supported?

• Can I communicate my feelings and needs calmly and assertively?

• Am I willing to listen and understand the other person's perspective?

• What boundaries do I need to set to protect my emotional well-being?

• Is there a healthy way to address this trigger and move forward?

self discovery prompts

• What are my values?

• What are my strengths and weaknesses?

• Do the beliefs I hold, hold me back from exploring further?

• Are my actions in alignment with my goals?

• What do I think of myself?

• How do I contribute to life / relationships etc?

• What gives me purpose and meaning?

• Am I present in my life?

• What is holding me back?

• What am I afraid of?

• What am I grateful for?

• Do I meet my own needs?

• How do I express myself?

• What do I want to learn next?

• Who do I want to become? What steps am I taking to become that person?

Musings

Remember:

• You are exactly where you need to be

• What you’re feeling is real

• All your feelings are valid

• If you are too ‘certain’ about the person you are right now you could be destroying the person you’re supposed to be

• You can’t consider the end of something when you’ve barely just begun

• Whatever is happening to you is a direct result of your internal environment

• Times you are afraid is the exact time you can be brave

• Your brain is trying to help you survive - not make you happy!

~

thank you for reading

I hope you enjoyed these questions and got a lot of insight out of them!

I would love to hear from you! Please share your feedback in comments, shares, or likes and let me know what you thought of my Free Self-Inquiry E-Book!

Sending you much love & in gratitude

xoxox

Jess

the four selves

Or as I call them - the Four Jess’s.

I came up with this concept deep in meditation and reflection with the BioCybernaut Institute in Sedona. Here, they measure your brain waves and teach you how to get into alpha state in order to do deep internal work on your subconscious; you can access deep subconscious healing with forgiveness and compassion through finding truths, previously hidden.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

- Dr. Carl Jung

Something that we all know - forgiveness can be really hard. In my time of reflection and solitude in a dark room in Sedona - it occurred to me why forgiveness can be so difficult.

The answer I found is: because we are made up of different versions of ourself - so there are different people inside you that have to be in agreement in order to give permission to fully forgive.

Now, I’ve already written some blogs on forgiveness - you can find one here. However, this is a brand new concept, an evolved method of forgiveness, if you will.

Say you were hurt when you were really small, which may have made you sad, or feel powerless or hopeless.

Perhaps you were angry and vengeful as a teenager.

Now, because some time has passed, you can look back on it logically without getting too triggered (although you still might get a little triggered.) Compassionate thoughts like “they were doing their best with the information they had,” may float around in your awareness.

Perhaps in 40 years you can look back on it and be completely at peace with it.

These are the Four Selves - these selves not only have to feel the feelings, but have to allow external expression of them in order to approve Full Forgiveness. Let me explain:

The little self

The little self is most likely the one that got hurt. How you got hurt will vary from person to person. Maybe you weren’t physically cared for, maybe you weren’t emotionally cared for, maybe you weren’t mentally cared for, and maybe your life circumstances didn’t provide safety or stability to feel cared for.

This makes the Little Self sad; feelings of despair arise, feelings of ‘I’m not worthy,’ ‘I’m not loveable,’ will come up here. Feelings of ‘I’m unsafe,’ ‘I don’t belong,’ can arise here. Feelings of shame can arise here because ‘If I was good enough this wouldn’t have happened to me.’

Sound familiar?

There can be no forgiveness without acknowledging and fully feeling the emotions.

Why?

Because your heart and your head have two different consciousnesses. Logically reasoning something in your head doesn’t access your emotions or allow you to feel in your heart, and forgiveness is a feeling, not a thought.

Let’s allow the little self to be sad, to cry, to yell, to sob, to despair, to deeply feel the feelings of sadness, AND to allow those feelings to become unstuck in our body and be expressed.

So, we emote and express the emotion; after all emotions are energy in motion, and we feel things to heal them. This is the opposite of shoving things down, compartmentalizing, and ‘I’ll deal with that later,’ mindsets. We are pulling these emotions out of being stuck in our body to be processed, live their entire life span (beginning, climax, resolution) and therefore actualized and finally released.

the teenage self

Because the Little Self cannot protect itself, our Teenage Self avenges the Little Self. It has to, because now, it can! The Teenage Self is smarter, bigger and physically stronger than the Little Self. The Teenage Self has access to more resources, coping skills, concepts, wisdom, friends, therapists, counselors.

So, outwardly - we might rebel, we might steal, smoke, drink, yell; or inwardly - we get depressed and implode on ourselves, self harm, become introverted, stay away from people, isolate, maybe we take things personally, or out on other people.

This of course will look different to different people. The way we react will always vary based on our environment and personality.

The idea here is the Teenage Self is now protecting the Little Self, and it will do it anyway it can.

So what do we do?

Once again, we allow the emotions. We allow ourselves to fully feel the hatred, resentment, and betrayal. We allow ourselves to feel these emotions as we felt them as a teenager and once again we express them.

To help process this rage we might hit a pillow with a baseball bat, find our nearest Rage Room, listen to angry music to allow the fullest expression of these emotions. We might write letters we never send to those who have harmed them.*

This is cathartic for the Teenage Self.

the current self

Now we are older and wiser, and have the ability to intellectualize concepts: ‘My dad was this way because his dad was this way.’ ‘My parents did the best they could with the resources they had.’ ‘Therapy was taboo when my parents grew up.’ These are enlightening realizations, no doubt, but it still does nothing for our Little Self that was deeply injured and couldn’t protect itself and our Teenage Self that needs someone to answer for the crimes committed against the Little Self.

Time has given us space to heal, but if we don’t allow our Little Self to cry, and our Teenage Self to rage, and both to express this outwardly, the process is incomplete. Mentally understanding an emotional concept does nothing because it’s not on the same wavelength nor does it speak the same language.

Here we must accept the feelings and allow our Little Self and Teenage self to express these emotions without judgment. To allow yourself to hit rock bottom, to fall in a puddle sobbing or howl at the moon.

Now, some of us do not feel like we have certain emotions, or that certain emotions don’t have an affect on them. I’ve met a lot of people who claim they never get angry and yet have uncontrollable sugar addictions. I find whatever emotion you definitely don’t think is a problem - is definitley a problem - and in dialogue with it you can find fertile soil for self inquiry and evolution.

If you have trouble accessing these emotions try my concept on Emotion Hacking:

1. If you can’t access sadness - try watching a sad movie about a dog, trust me you’ll cry.

2. If you can’t access anger - try listening to the angry or angsty music you loved in high school.

3. If you can’t access those old feelings - get a sound healing session with me and we’ll bring them right up to the surface to work on them.

The point of Emotion Hacking is sometimes we have trouble accessing certain emotions, this is normal, so we use an external stimulus (a sad movie or angry music) to pull up resonance in our internal space.

the old self

The Old Self is wise, the Old Self has lived so long and seen everything you have grown through. The Old Self is the version of you who has allowed the Little Self to cry, the Teenage Self to yell, and the Current Self to heal by feeling and responsibly expressing.*

The Old Self is who you needed when you were younger. The Old Self has compassion for all Selves AND all the people involved in the circumstances that resulted in injury. This is because the Old Self is all of your expressions of self and also has a grander perspective having transcended the stormy seas of your youth, your pain and your suffering.

This next part is a Thought Experiment so try this on like you were trying on a T-shirt - if it fits keep it, and if it doesn’t take it off:

Quantum Physics says that the present moment, right now, is the only thing that is technically real. So if we access all Four Selves in the present moment we are Little, Teenage, Current and Old together, united - therefore by feeling all the emotions and allowing the physical expression of those emotions we can find forgiveness because we've received permission from all the Four Selves, because we’ve allowed them to feel, to express, and to be witnessed by all other Selves.

Here we can release the binds and emotions that hold us captive to these past harmful circumstances or people - in this spaciousness of acceptance and surrender, through feeling and healthy expression, and then letting go of expectation.

feel the feelings and then rest in the spaciousness

Once you allow yourself to feel all the feelings you might find there is a sensation of spaciousness, of lightness and freedom. You might have more compassion and true forgiveness because you didn’t try to gloss over your own pain. In accepting our pain and dialoguing with it we deepen our understanding of ourselves, and therefore others.

When we forgive ourselves we can more easily forgive others, when we allow our emotional expression we can sit easier with the emotional expression of others.

~

Try it on and let me know what you think!

~

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

—Rumi

*Expressing responsibly is important and an internal journey. You don’t have to do it alone and can have a vulnerability buddy. You are allowed to feel angry; just make sure you are being emotionally responsible by not blaming or yelling at others. You are allowed to hit a pillow with a baseball bat - that does not affect anyone else negatively. This is about YOU and your feelings.

energetic hygiene

Something feels ‘off’ but I just can’t put my finger on it?

My healing room seems ‘dense?’

How can I stay cleansed from the energies I work with?

How can I keep my clients clean from energy?

I get asked these questions a lot and my answer always is:

it is imperative to instill an energetic hygienic practice into your energy healing practice

& luckily for you there are a bunch of different ways to do this! Regardless if you’re just curious how to keep your living space’s energy clean, or your a client receiving sessions or a practitioner working with people, you’ll find this blog helpful!

What the heck do I mean by Energetic Hygiene?

I’m glad you asked. Just like body hygiene is important, so is energetic hygiene. You’ve probably experienced this before if a person emotionally dumped all their “stuff” on you without your permission, sometimes you walk away feeling ‘icky.’ This is because of an energetic transfer - nothing happened physically - but you can feel that something is off.

Practitioners

If your client is off-gassing a lot of energy:

You’ll know this because of the constant pressure changes in the air around you, temperature fluctuations and need to constantly dragon-breathe.

You can place a bowl of salt water underneath the massage table and set an intention for the wild energy that is flying around to be pulled into the vortex where it will be cleansed, dissolved and disintegrated safely.

Pro tip! Grounding is an absolute essential part of doing healing work. Practice this by going outside and standing barefoot in the grass, in the sand or in the dirt. Feel yourself dropping a line of energy down through your legs out the sols of your feet into the earth, releasing excess energy into the earth, while receiving negative ions from the earth that have good health indicators!

If the session is crazy intense and you feel like you need some ‘divine’ help:

I have found that using an intentional salt circle around the session and St Germain’s Violet Flame ‘inside’ the session can help cleanse whatever is ‘other.’ By ‘other’ I mean:

• not your clients

• old stuff that is really dense

• energy that came ‘before’ your client (literally or cosmically)

If you’re noticing that you leave with what the client brought in:

This means you need to work on grounding your energy and their energy a bit better. Remember as you breathe you are grounding that energy all the way down, out the soles of your feet into the earth to be grounded.

This could also mean you need to clean your hands. Cleaning your hands can look like

• washing them with soap and water

• spraying them with a alcohol + water + essential oil potion

• you can put your hand in the geode of a crystal (without touching the sides) and allow all the focused energy of the crystalline points to cleanse your hands.

remember whatever instrument you work with needs to be cleansed after sessions:

Your pendulum needs to be cleansed, your tuning forks can be cleansed with other forks, smoke, crystals or sounds. If you’re working with bowls, gong or chimes they generally clean each other throughout group sessions.

It is a great idea to have a little ‘cleansing station’ that can look very much like an altar, or a crystal grid that you can place your instruments in for cleansing after sessions.

If your practitioner says they don’t need to clean their crystals this is a red flag.

People / clients / practitioner

BREATHE

Breathing deeply and activating your diaphragm and vagus nerve is so incredibly important. When you breathe shallow the breath stays in the upper chest; this is not where the breath is supposed to stay!

The breath wants to be breathed all the way down to your low belly! Why? Your lungs act as a great bellows to PUMP your diaphragm and STIMULATE your vagus nerve.

Activating the diaphragm and vagus nerve helps:

• digestion

• the nervous system

• your chakral system

• stress reduction

• heart health

• digestion

• mood regulation

• & more!

Pro Tip! As a client, practitioner, or living breathing person. Please work on deepening your breath!

seriously, please.

protect your energy:

Keep your energy yours and your client’s energy theirs. I like working with the tuning forks because it provides a soft barrier between us (rather than using my hands) and the vibration on the fork cleanses any energy before it gets to my hand.

You can also create shields, but make sure you’re using elemental energy to do so. Otherwise you’re just taking your energy and putting it outside yourself, which personally doesn’t seem like a good idea due to mass and density.

Perceiving myself as an Alchemist: I use a form of Tonglen meditation in my ‘energetic boundaries’ where I breathe it all in, and ground out the good, learning from the ‘dark,’ and recycling the beauty back into the world.

Living or healing spaces

for overall cleansing your healing space:

You can sage your healing space, you can play “om” in your space while you’re not there (low volume works), you can use a tuning fork or whatever your craft uses to harmonize the space - especially the corners of the room, doors, windows, and mirrors.

Pro Tip! If you forget, you’ll notice your attention being drawn away during sessions and pulled into an area of the room. There is a collection of energy in this area that is creating a vacuum.

energetic hygiene for life:

Make sure you are walking in alignment with your truth. If you’re preaching health and wellness your life should really reflect that. If not there is a discoherence between body and mind that will increase and become apparent over time.

the basics:

• Eat well, drink lots of water, salt bath, self care, and journal.

• Practice Mindfulness, cultivate compassion toward yourself and your fellow man.

• Meditate, reflect and visualize.

• nature, nature nature

expert level:

• Take care of yourself by setting good boundaries, this is imperative as an energy healer. If you are leaking energy it’s irresponsible to ‘heal’ from an empty cup.

• Forgive, yes you, yes. Forgive. Trust me, I didn’t want to either. I wanted to hold onto all that delicious resentment, and then I forgave. There is medicine here.

• Be a good person, like really actually good. Not just in public. Karma is real and what goes around comes around, what you do to others will be done to you, what you reap you will eventually sow.

• Keep learning: there is no end to what you can learn when you fall down the “sound healing” wormhole. It is vast and endless. You owe it to yourself and your clients.

~

I hope this blog gave you some extra tips and pointers! If you have any questions or feedback please let me know.

Comment, email, share, like: I would love to hear from you.

Make sure you follow my social medias as I am announcing dates for my FREE 3 Webinar Sound Healing Series next week!

• Is Sound Healing Real?

• Chakras 101-103

• Sound Healing Theory

see you There!

Crystal singing bowls & vibrational Medicine

I have been lucky and infinitely blessed to have played crystal bowls for different audiences throughout California, Arizona, and Puerto Rico.

I discovered Crystal Bowls at the Academy of Integrative Health and Medicine Conference in San Diego in 2014. At the time I was working at a Subtle Energy Laboratory in San Diego and was invited to attend the conference. In the corner I saw all these beautiful and mystical crystal bowls set up and on a break I sat down and played. I was immediately entranced and transfixed by the sounds and tones coming out of them. I felt that the sound was not only playing around me and singing sweetly to my ears, but I physically was feeling the sound waves traveling and dancing through my body. I felt like I was on an inner journey throughout the time that I played, time seemed to dissolve and I felt, as the shaman’s say, outside of time. The picture below is actually the exact moment I fell in love with them. Thank you to Amelia for capturing.

At the time I was studying under Eileen Day McKusick and loving my deep dive into the science of sound and all the magic the world of vibration had to offer. It made so much sense to me as I was already an energy healer, so I understood intention and non-localized healing. I had a scientific background and understood the body and it’s different systems, it’s structure and it’s function. I had studied subtle energy in a clinical setting through the thermosphere - specializing in the infrared heat the body emits. I was currently studying subtle energy in a laboratory setting - in a Faraday cage or copper shielded room that blocked out all electromagnetic waves. The Master’s Program that I had started specialized in Human Consciousness. All the roads were leading me to “Rome” whereas “Rome” was this understanding of this foundational origin place of sound waves / wave forms and vibration.

We all remember in science class ~ 3rd grade where we’re taught everything in this whole universe is vibration, including us, our parents, space, even the chair we’re sitting on, and then we glossed over that and starting learning about something else.

But what if waveforms and vibration is actually everything? and in the study of vibration we can come to understand (perhaps not everything) but a lot more things than we do now with our rigid cosmology or view of the world and how it works?

In Traditional Chinese Medicine they believe that illness occurs when there is a blockage or stagnation of a meridian (or channel of energy). Using Acupuncture and herbs they can help loosen this blockage to create flow, and thus health.

If you think about it - a truth we can all agree on it: MOVEMENT IS MEDICINE. If you are sluggish vs active = you might be feeling sickish vs healthy. If your body is stagnant vs in flow = you may feel sickish vs healthy. Mixing East & West theories: if your veins, meridians, arteries, or nadi’s are slow or lagging - this can cause physical, emotional or mental health issues. Another example is - when you are in flow state, how easy everything comes to you - it’s almost like you are aligned with the universe and the universe sees that and conspires on your behalf.

Following this rabbit hole even deeper, there’s an underlying idea of movement, waveforms, or vibration and it’s relationship to harmony. If you are vibrating lower than your equilibrium you may feel low, sad, depressed, sick, unable to get out of bed etc; if you are vibrating higher than your equilibrium you may feel anxious, overwhelmed, hypervigilant, easily irritated, angered, etc. When you are operating at your equilibrium or homeostasis - defined by google as ‘a self-regulating process by which a living organism can maintain internal stability while adjusting to changing external conditions’ you feel calm, steady, secure, adaptable, flexible. This relationship between waveform / vibration - which is everything - and the balance or harmony of that waveform / vibration - which influences how we respond to everything, is paramount.

Using Crystal Bowls, Tuning Forks, Drums, Koshi Chimes, Tibetan Bowls, etc we are activating vibration with vibration. We are following the Universal Instruction. The Playing Book, if you will. Something that always troubled the back of my brain was what if “…in the beginning was the word,” is a mistranslation from “…in the beginning there was sound.”

All of our ancient cultures did sound healing with the different instruments they made based on their geography. What if they were on to something? If you’ve ever participated in a Crystal Singing Bowl or Sound Healing event in general you know what I’m talking about. The energy, tones, frequencies and harmonies that come out of these are ingrained with healing energy, inspirited with power and deeply-rooted in ancestral wisdom.

If you haven’t attended some sort of Sound Healing event - whether it’s with bowls, voice, gongs etc I highly recommend it. If you have - with me or anyone else - I’d love to hear about your experience!

~

Personal Note: My intention with sharing my life through social media has always been complete transparency and authenticity. I have always wanted to share exactly who I am, but in doing so I have found my social medias are primarily travel & fun and don’t really focus on what I do at all. My healing work is my life’s mission and it is wholly sacred to me, and perhaps I have felt that promoting it on social media’s feels boastful or prideful; and therefore against what I stand for as healing is generally private. I have decided to share this truth / vulnerability here, with you now, to help myself overcome this obstacle.

I am (apprehensively) happy to announce I have finally made a new life’s-work-related, sound healing-devoted instagram that focuses less on my travels and fun and more on my life’s work and sacred mission. I’ll be posting my blogs / events / excursions and availability here <3

Please give me a follow on ig: @wellnesswanderer_jess

<3

As an eternal student

I know enough to know I can always learn more.

That is why it is so important to me to continue my education learning new ways to best support you on your healing journey. My eternal mission and my responsibility to my clients is to provide them with the utmost care.

In 2023 I did two massive 7 day intensive trainings. One with BioCybernaut in Sedona in March and one with the Hoffman Institute in Chester, Connecticut in November. Warning: these trainings are not retreats, and they are not easy. You have to fully commit to yourself and be your own accountabilty buddy. You have to seriously want to change.

At my Biocybernaut Training I not only learned how to train my brain, I learned how to alter it in real time. During the training I was hooked up to an EEG which uses Biofeedback to show your brainwaves (represented by numbers) as they are happening. Watching my brainwaves shift based on what I was thinking about enabled me to change the way I think, react, feel and heal.

For 7 full days I was in a cold dark room (seriously!) just learning how to train my brain and focus my thoughts to achieve alpha state. An unfocused-focus or a focused-unfocused is the best way I can describe alpha although google describes it as ‘a wakeful relaxation.’

Consistent practicing throughout 7 days and and constant biofeedback from my brain waves helped root this change deep inside myself. As you all know how I feel about Forgiveness - I am happy to say that my view of forgiveness has expanded! This is wholly due to my time at BioCybernaut and the Hoffman Institute!

I have had trouble with forgiveness in the past and have written about ‘hacking forgiveness.’ The techniques used in BioCybernaut and Hoffman helped me discover forgiveness from a deep internal and highly expansive way. I truly feel like a new Jess.

The Hoffman Process works on forgiveness between yourself, your inner child and your relationships with your family, and how that influences your current relationship dynamics. Do you ever get sick of being yourself sometimes? With the same patterns coming up over and over again in relationships? There comes a point where you’re like okayyyyyy…. maybe its not everyone else when the common denominator is ME. (ha!)

Both BioCybernaut and Hoffman work to honor exactly how you felt at the time, they allow you to express, to be angry, to be hurt, to feel that rage, resentment, to feel that betrayal, that sticky shame and horrible guilt. In doing so, you are deeply honoring how your Inner Child felt at the time and you are allowed to point the finger at those around you who you perceived were ‘guilty’ for causing this pain. One of my favorite quotes from Hoffman is:

Everyone is guilty, and no one is to blame.

This sentence exploded my brain. Everyone is guilty…. and no one is to blame. How painfully poetic and beautifully true.

I, we, you, they, us are all guilty, but we’re not to blame.

After allowing yourself to feel the hurt and the pain you start to understand that the people around you who caused you pain were only trying to avoid their own pain.

Now, of course we all know this logically, but through the techniques used in BioCybernaut and Hoffman you are going through and growing through a spiritual pilgrimage and building up a Hero’s Journey to get to these places. Remember both of these programs are 7 days fully intensive. At Hoffman they take your phone for this whole time (eeeek!) You have to fully commit to yourself, to heal, for your future self, to save yourself and the way you relate to others.

In these programs you are receiving feedback from how you feel about these situations and circumstances and healing them from the perspective of the subconscious mind. These two programs are absolutely INCREDIBLE and I would highly recommend them.

I did BioCybernaut first, in March of 2023 and Hoffman second in October 2023. I liked the way I did these programs because they 100% build off one another. After Hoffman I went back to Michigan and spent a whole fucking week with my parents! If you know, you know :p

Since then, I feel more aligned in myself, I blame people less for things that have happened and I have been able to be so me-y it’s been so full of bliss and so fantastic. I feel so aligned in my center and my truth and I have been able to speak it from such a grounded and diplomatic way. I have been able to see people from their wounded Inner Child and the amount of compassion I have for everyone around me is magnificently overwhelmning.

I am finally free from my patterns - whether they were passed down from generations or created by Inner Child me to avoid pain.

If you have any questions about these programs please feel free to message me as I would love to share more!

xoxox

Why do I have soooo many Tattoos?

Thank you for asking, I would love to talk about this as it’s a question I get so often.

As a Cancerian girl growing up in Michigan around the Great Lakes, water, specifically rivers, lakes, and streams were an important part of my childhood AND I grew up with a creek behind my parent’s house. Every year my family camped on Lake Huron since I was 5 years old, we camped on the Canadian side so every night I watched the sun set over the water, Michigan invisible on the horizon.

As I’ve written about before, my dad blessed my childhood with divination tools like Tarot, Numerology and Astrology. I already had a curious mind about all things “woo” and mysterious so this found me traveling down different windy roads with topics like spiritualism, Theosophy, the Golden Dawn, quantum physics, and this eventually (as all things do) lead me to the subject of water.

I was a voracious reader and one fateful day I came upon Dr Emoto’s Hidden Messages in Water at 16 years old. Dr Emoto was a Japanese researcher who’s focus was intention and he wrote about different experiments in this book.

In one experiment they put 3 plants in a closet (in order to avoid sunlight as a variable). They watered these plants every day but for Plant 1 - the intention was to speak good things to it. For Plant 2 - the intention was to speak negative things to it and for Plant 3 - the intention was to ignore it.

Guess which plant died?

The plant that was ignored.

This blew my tiny teenage brain.

I learned an ancient truth: there is so much power in intention.

… The book carried on.

Dr Emoto and his team did experiments with water and intention where they would take water from the same source (to avoid variable) and poured the water in different glasses and taped a range of intentions to the different glasses. These intentions were across a spectrum, from “love” and “compassion” all the way to “hate” and “greed.” The researchers would freeze the water and image the crystals with microscopic photography.

What did they find?!

The researches found that the water in glasses with loving intentions taped to it formed beautiful crystals, and the glasses of water that had negative intentions taped to it had trouble forming crystals all together, they looked almost deformed.

Teenage Jess’s mind was blown again, and, as a creative person who had always used their outward appearance as their creative expression I had come to learn another truth.

If you have an intention and you wish it upon water, that water will hold and carry that intention.

My brain immediately linked “intention,” “ink,” and “water” to tattoos on the skin. ‘Maybe this is why our ancestors, who knew so much about the stars, and had rituals and ceremonies and walkabouts, maybe this is why they had been found, discovered and unburied with tattoos inked into their skin,’ teenage Jess pondered, creating the connection between tattoos and ancient civilizations. (Not surprisingly, I grew up with an interest in the mysteries of the world, like the Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis, Lemuria, Egypt; until growing up I realized all places are mysterious and magical, they’re just waiting for their magic to be rediscovered.)

Another fellow tattooed person, after hearing my reasoning, had a similar thought and said to me “When I started getting tattoos, it mostly felt like they were just being uncovered, rather than inked on.”

(continued after picture…)

I realized that maybe, just maybe, if I intended something… created an image of that intention, and that magic that intention contained… and inked it into my skin… could I actually change the frequency of my body, which is water and therefore holds memory?

If I ink something ancient, like the Flower of Life, the Sri Yantra, or perhaps the Unalome… does that match my frequency with the intention of that symbol, that has been revered, respected, for millenia?

Does that literally, metaphorically or even metaphysically invoke the power that the symbol has held for me and/or my life?

Can I literally harness the magic and power of the universe through intention, ink and water?

Teenage Jess cried “YES!” Twenty-year old Jess agreed and 30 something Jess still agrees, and not only that, but is so proud of Teenage Jess for making that discovery for herself and committing to it.

<3

My life has always been magic, and will continue to be nothing less than magic; maybe it’s not necessarily because of the “ink,” but it’s definitely linked to “water,” and 100% because of “intention.”

<3

Very special shout out to Janice Rodriguez for taking the time, one fateful night & stepping up to the task of counting all my tattoos - she counted 65, with room for error <3

I’m in my villain era

aka what are boundaries and why we need them :P

Over New Years 2022-2023 my friends and I were skiing at Snowbowl in Flagstaff, AZ talking about our New Years resolution. I stated “I’m in my villain era.” When my friends asked what that meant I responded with “I’m matching energy. Giving energy to those who give it back, not overextending and putting my needs first.” I’m a verbal processer, so when I say things out loud I’m literally processing my thoughts and feelings and discovering my truth while I talk. I realized that what I mean by “I’m in my villain era,” was simply me setting boundaries.

Boundaries are a vital aspect of self-care, they are often misunderstood. Many people view setting boundaries as being selfish (especially if we are not used to setting them!), but in reality, boundaries are an essential tool for protecting our emotional and physical well-being, maintaining healthy relationships and managing stress.

Especially as highly sensitive individuals (HSP), empaths, and lightworkers, we may find ourselves taking on the emotional burdens of others without even realizing it. Asking “is this emotion mine?” was very helpful for me in understanding that sometimes what I was feeling wasn’t mine, and in fact the person in line next to me at the grocery store! It was easy to figure out, once I learned to ask myself this question. because my mood would shift SO drastically, the emotion just simply couldn’t belong to me.

people pleasing

In childhood there can be certain instances in which we learn or are trained to become “people pleasers.” Through conditioning we can learn that our worth is connected to how well we please our parents. When we are constantly rewarded for meeting their expectation, or punished for not, we learn to bend to their needs, rather than meeting our own. We can learn that our value is dependent on their mood.

If we grew up in a strict and/or violent home - approval can become equivalent to safety. In this case we may ‘people please’ as a way to control the situation to manipulate the outcome, in order to create safety.

Sometimes we may feel responsible for other people's feelings and needs, and as a result, neglect our own. I know I have been guilty of every time a friend needs me I show up ASAP to help them regardless of my emotional, mental or even physical bandwidth. If we suffer from low self esteem, lack confidence or fear rejection we may seek the validation of others and eventually can lose ourselves in the quest for others’ love and appreciation.

Have you ever said “yes” to something you absolutely WISHED you said ‘no’ too? Could you feel your life force start to drain because you knew you overextended yourself again? Have you ever hung out with someone who energetically just took everything out of you and gave nothing back, and by the time you got home you needed a nap?

how to set boundaries

Setting boundaries is not about being selfish or uncaring; it's about recognizing our own needs and communicating them to others. It's about taking responsibility for our own emotions and wellbeing, rather than expecting others to do it for us. If we keep giving and asking nothing in return, a person has no reason to cut themself off from the endless supply you’re giving them. This happens often in relationships between a narcissist and an empath and we we refer to these people as ‘energy vampires.’

Boundaries can be as simple as saying ‘no,’ to setting limits on how much time we spend with people, and who we spend time with. It's important to remember that boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about respecting ourselves and our needs enough to take control of our own lives

In order to properly set boundaries, we must first identify our own needs and priorities. Self-reflection is key here, and so is self respect. We must learn to recognize when we are overextending ourselves and when it's time to take a step back. This can be difficult, especially if we have been conditioned to prioritize others over ourselves, but it's a necessary step towards self-care and wellbeing.

Communicating our boundaries can also be challenging, but remember! this is not about being confrontation- it's about being clear with our truth and assertive in our communication. We can communicate our boundaries with kindness and respect, while still being firm in our needs.

Setting healthy boundaries is a beautiful and necessary type of self care - we are creating space for ourselves, our needs, which blossoms into our growth and evolution. When we allow ourselves to prioritize our own needs, we become more resilient in the face of life's challenges. We also create healthier relationships, based on mutual respect and understanding.

When we create boundaries we benefit everyone around us. We are being more true to ourselves and more authentic, which is deepening our integrity and the quality of our relationships with those around us because we are living in our truth!

Like life, setting boundaries is a constant thing, it spirals around with us as we learn lessons and grow. Because of that we may have to revisit boundaries with certain people, but we can rest assured that those who love us and want a relationship with us will honor our boundaries.

Remember: ‘No.’ is a complete sentence! You are allowed to take up space in the world. Your needs are just as important as those around you. You are here for a reason and the universe needs you <3

unstick your stories

Stories

We all have them and they have an impact on how we see ourselves, show up in relationships, and how we live our lives. Stories are powerful tools for shaping our perceptions of the world, and they can have a profound influence on our sense of self.

On the one hand, stories can be incredibly empowering. They can inspire us to dream big, take risks, and pursue our passions. They can give us a sense of purpose and direction, and help us to connect with others who share our values and aspirations.

However, stories can also be limiting. When we are exposed to negative or restrictive stories about ourselves or the world around us, they can become internalized and start to shape our self-image. We may begin to believe that we are not good enough, or that we are incapable of achieving our goals. These stories can become self-fulfilling prophecies, leading us to hold ourselves back and miss out on opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

So how can we use the power of stories to become the best versions of ourselves, rather than being held back by limiting beliefs? One approach is to become more conscious of the stories we tell ourselves and others. By examining the narratives that shape our perceptions of the world, we can begin to identify and challenge the ones that are holding us back. We can seek out new stories that align with our values and aspirations, and use them to inspire and motivate us.

When I am going to say something negative about myself I say “in the past I was ____,” or “historically, I was _____,” this way I am putting the limiting belief behind me, in my past, where it belongs. I know how important the present moment is as that is the exact location that our future blossoms from!

Another approach is to become the authors of our own stories. Rather than allowing external narratives to define us, we can take control of our own narratives and shape them in a way that reflects our true authentic selves. This may involve taking risks, pursuing our passions, and embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities. This may also mean appreciating and acknowledging the people that you have been before and also allowing them to fade away at the same time.

I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this morning… but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. ~ Lewis Carroll

One time I was explaining astrology to a friend of mine, she was asking me to explain how she (an Aquarius) and I (a Cancer) were different. My simple explanation without going into Moon/Rising etc was to explain that as an air sign she has a sort of beautiful detached quality that allows her to not be offended by the words or expectations of others; me being a Cancer, a water sign who feels mostly everything and is historically sensitive, I could be offended much easier by something a friend said to me.

I use astrology as a guideline, like all divination tools they help you to see aspects of yourself you were blind to before. When I was describing this to my friend I realized that if I find myself offended I could just try to get up and out of my Cancerian mind for a moment, to transcend my own bullshit in order to have a broader perspective.

set yourself free

Let’s play pretend for a moment. What if you were not you? Not necessarily someone else, just not yourself with your past and your stories and your grievances and your pain. For a breath just allow your personality and your burdens to sink deep into the ground and allow yourself to become empty. Take a few slooooow and deeeeep breaths. And allow the self (personality / avatar) that is not the Self (soul) to sink into the earth. The ground of course will hold on to these things so you don’t have to. Now breathe from this emptiness, this unknownness, this spaciousness and see what it feels like. Do you feel burdened or stressed in the same way? Do you have the same physical discomfort in your body? Do you experience different emotions? Stay curious. What does this feel like?

Depression is your avatar telling you it's tired of being the character you're trying to play. ~ Jim Carrey

What this visualization allows us is to step outside of ourselves to see the cage we’ve built around ourselves with all of your stories. If I can consider for a second that I can be different, and my thoughts create emotions, which create hormones, which inspire actions, then by thinking may way into spaciousness, I can achieve spaciousness. By thinking myself limitless, I can achieve limitlessness.

Ultimately, the stories we tell ourselves and others have a profound impact on our sense of self and our ability to thrive in the world. By becoming more conscious of these stories and taking an active role in shaping them, we can unlock our full potential and become the best versions of ourselves!

Then one day the stories that made you vengeful, that made you powerless, that held control over you will just be chapters of an old book you read 15 years ago.

Please enjoy one of my favorite quotes from Alan Watts & Albert Camus.

Let's suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have.

And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say "Well, that was pretty great." But now let's have a surprise. Let's have a dream which isn't under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don't know what it's going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say "Wow, that was a close shave, wasn't it?"

And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream.

And finally, you would dream ... where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today. ~ Alan Watts

~

The realization that life is absurd cannot be an end, but a beginning. ~ Albert Camus

shame

SHAME

Shame is a powerful and often overwhelming emotion that can be difficult to shake off. It is the feeling that we are flawed, inadequate, or unworthy of love and acceptance. Shame can be triggered by a wide range of experiences, from small mistakes to major life events, and it can have a significant impact on our mental and emotional well-being. It's the feeling that we are not good enough or that we have done something wrong, and it often leads to a sense of isolation and disconnection from others.

Shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. ~ Brene Brown

When we experience shame, we believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, and that we are different or separate from the people around us. This can be incredibly isolating and can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair.

In my opinion, shame and guilt are some of the worst feelings a human can feel because of how sticky they are - they’re like quicksand and the more you feel them the more they suck you under. I believe this happens because of my belief in past lives, and ancestral and intergenerational trauma that goes all the way back in time, but remembered and/or echoed through DNA. Once upon a time when we were in nomadic tribes we depended on community for survival - if you did something bad you were potentially exiled from your community. This exile could have and would have meant death. I think it’s possible shame and guilt feel so awful because they bring up past-life memories and emotions of despair and threaten death.

Luckily for all of us, it IS possible to break the cycle of shame. The first step is to recognize and acknowledge and NAME our feelings of shame. We must be willing to confront our shame head-on and recognize that it is a normal and natural emotion - just like all other emotions. Remember all your Emotions are Like Puppies, and they are all valid.

Another effective approach is to challenge the negative beliefs that underlie our feelings of shame. Remember - we parent ourselves like our parents did when we are stressed. In the absence of our parents, we can become our biggest critic. Question where those internal voices are coming from - see if you can reframe that Critical Judge Self to perhaps a Supportive and Benevolent Coach. By questioning the validity of our negative self-talk and reframing our thoughts in a more positive light, we can begin to shift our perspective and feel more confident in ourselves.

I like to put sticky notes around my house reminding me “I did the best that I could in that moment,” “I can always try better tomorrow,” “I’m doing great.” So that every time my negative self talk may arise there is a sticky note not too far in the distance cheering me on. This begins to create a feedback loop: negative thought arises -> we feel it -> we find it in our body and name it -> we accept and breathe that this is all a part of being human -> we create a new thought -> if the negative thought is still there, that’s okay, -> begin again at step 1.

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before you learned it ~ Brene Brown

This is my favorite quote from Brene Brown. I believe there are no such thing as mistakes - only lessons that help us grow into the people we have always been on the inside. Another way to overcome shame is to practice self-compassion. This means treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than judgment and criticism.

Allow yourself to grow through what you go through.

I believe that we are the people we needed when we were younger.

Let that sink in for a second.

We are, in our current self, the exact people we needed when we were younger. Allow yourself to go back in time and give the little version of yourself exactly what they needed. Re-parent yourselves with loving-kindness, listen to your inner self with compassionate understanding.

Ultimately, overcoming shame requires us to be brave and vulnerable. It means acknowledging our flaws and mistakes, and accepting ourselves as we are - beautifully flawed and perfectly imperfect. When we are able to do this, we can break free from the cycle of shame and live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

The fear of judgment and rejection can prevent us from being our authentic selves and can even lead to self-destructive behaviors. It's important to recognize and address feelings of shame in order to live a more fulfilling life. Just like I wrote about in Vulnerability: A Superpower, there is strength and alchemical gold in being vulnerable because it helps you connect more authentically to others.

Alchemy

I believe in the magic of Alchemy, or turning non-gold materials into gold through magic. Circumstances of our life will happen to us and AND for us; it is up to us to extract the gems of truth from these ordinary or unfortunate experiences and transmute them into gold.

I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

The story of the lotus in Buddhism reminds me of alchemizing our life experiences and transforming them into enlightenment. The lotus starts its life from the bottom of a dirty pond, it grows upwards towards the light until finally transforming into the beautiful lotus flower that sits above the muddy water, becoming the illuminated flower that we all know and love. This is like us through life - we are born under certain conditions that we must grow upwards and expand beyond. Throughout life we are searching for the light - whether that is love, our purpose, money, etc. We stretch and reach towards this goal until finally achieving it and blossoming open above the mucky muck, reaping all the goodness that we have sown in the sunlight of this awareness.

This is the same with alchemizing our shame and vulnerability into gold for others. Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation, so by sharing our experiences with others, we can begin to build more meaningful connections with the people around us.

don’t ‘should’ on yourself!

There is no such thing as something you should have done. It simply doesn’t exist. What if the only thing that is truly real is this moment we’re having? You did your best at the time, with the knowledge that you had, and regardless of the outcome you have gained wisdom.

This is important: you did not walk away empty handed, you have an expanded awareness of the situation; you have gained wisdom and experience that you can apply to future circumstances.

Everything in your life has lead you to the moment you’re having right now. If you like where you are then nothing you have done can be seen as a mistake. If you don’t like where you are, instead of kicking yourself, focus your energy here in the present moment.

The magic of the present moment is what builds and blossoms your future. Changing your actions right now can create a new path forward. If you tried to plant a garden every year in the same place with the same seeds, and every year it didn’t work - wouldn’t you try changing something? We as humans are just more complex gardens :)

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I remember going through a difficult break up and thinking “I should have done this,” “if only I did this,” and then having an epiphany that our hearts HAVE to break throughout our life! This happens for us so our hearts can expand and hold more love. This is the whole philosophy of Kintsugi - the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold - making something that broke even more beautiful than it was before it broke.

Everyone has cracks, that’s how the light gets in. ~ Leonard Cohen

Ultimately, the key to overcoming shame lies in cultivating self-compassion and self-love. By recognizing our inherent worth and treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we can begin to heal the wounds that shame has caused and move towards a more fulfilling and authentic life.

By acknowledging and accepting our experiences and emotions, we can begin to work through them and find ways to move forward. By sitting with our discomfort, and practicing being comfortable being uncomfortable we begin to detach from these emotions. Rather than “I am shameful” we realize “shame is visiting us.” This gives us permission to feel what we feel without judgement.

Once again:

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before you learned it ~ Brene Brown

*I highly recommend listening to Brene Brown’s various youtube videos and podcasts on shame! She is highly informative, an amazing and compassionate educator and a deep listener <3

vulnerability: a superpower

Vulnerability is an essential part of the human experience. It is the state of being exposed to the possibility of harm or damage, either physically or emotionally. Vulnerability is often viewed negatively, associated with weakness or frailty. However, it is important to recognize that vulnerability can also be a source of strength and growth; a superpower.

Like most of us ‘black sheep,’ Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s), empaths and/or lightworkers, I used to think feeling my feelings so deeply and expressing my vulnerability was a curse. But it also felt inauthentic to feel things so deeply without sharing them because I longed for connection despite feeling isolated in my depression. I read somewhere (later in life) that when you’re depressed you’re actually more connected to the collective than when you’re happy. Depression will lie to you and tell you you’re alone, but in that moment of your darkest hour you’re more connected to everyone else than ever before. I think this is because we all experience pain, but not all of us are able or privileged enough to experience the highest of highs. What I have come to realize through my experiences of long term anxiety and depression throughout my teens and early 20’s is that sometimes the lowest of lows allow me to know what the highest of highs feel like. It’s like without the lows as a baseline - how would I know how high the highs get?

People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses. ~ Brene Brown

Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness or a flaw. It's something we can try to hide from others and even from ourselves. However, vulnerability can be a strength that can help us bond more deeply with others and become more resilient in the face of life's challenges. Have you ever shared something with someone who accepted and loved you despite what you shared? Remember the amount of love and gratitude and appreciation you felt for that relationship?

…the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. ~ Dr. Suess

strength in vulnerability

I started to realize feeling everything so deeply wasn’t a bad thing, it connected me to more people, it made me more compassionate, patient and more understanding of what my fellow human was growing through.

This is the lesson of the Throat Chakra teaches us power through vulnerability - sharing our truth brings the people together and completes the circle. Storytelling connects us through weaving threads of dialogue and finding resonant nodes and related topics. When we share our wounds and truth, others feel more comfortable sharing, which opens hearts, expands minds, and deepens relationships.

Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage. ~ Brene Brown

The planetary alignments and retrogrades we experienced at the end of 2022 really put me into an introverted, reflective state where I was reeling from such intense unworthiness and feelings undeserving of the life I live. These emotions and feelings were so intense I was beginning to implode into myself so I decided instead of letting these emotions direct my downward spiral, I would shine a light into this darkness and share them with my friends and boyfriend instead.

As SOON as I shared my emotions they sighed, releasing their breath and the heaviness that came with it, “me too,” they said. Through sharing our vulnerability and being so honest with ourselves and each other - and supporting each other through working with our own brand of feelings, we were able to relax fully into ourselves, our truth, and each other.

Vulnerability can also be a source of strength in difficult times. When we are vulnerable, we allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions, even if they are painful. This can be difficult, but it can also help us to move through difficult experiences and come out stronger on the other side.

In order to embrace vulnerability as a superpower, we must learn to be kind to ourselves. We must recognize that vulnerability is a sign of courage and strength. We must also be willing to be patient with ourselves and with others, as this can be a slow and sometimes challenging process.

When we are vulnerable, we create deeper ties with the people around us. It requires trust, and when we are willing to share our true selves with others, we create an environment of trust and understanding.

Vulnerability; a superpower

Vulnerability can be scary. It requires us to let go of control and trust that others will not use our vulnerabilities against us. It can be difficult to be honest and open about our struggles and weaknesses, especially in a world that often values strength and independence above all else. This can be terrifying because it makes us feel exposed and open to judgment, but it can also be incredibly empowering.

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. ~ Brene Brown

By being vulnerable, we are being authentic and honest and therefore we can create deeper connections with others. We acknowledge our emotions and our limitations, we become more resilient in the face of challenges, and learn to be more compassionate to ourselves.

So, the next time you feel afraid to be vulnerable, remember that it can actually be a source of strength and power. By embracing vulnerability, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, and we show others that it's okay to be imperfect too.

Through Vulnerability, we Alchemize our pain into a Superpower.

how to hack forgiveness

For over 10 years I have worked with a lot of people sharing their life stories with me. A lot of times people say what they are sharing is things they’ve never shared before, to anyone, ever. A couple patterns I notice about forgiveness is people wanting to forgive and being unable to, or jumping to forgiveness without being ready, or punishing themselves for not being able to forgive. This is common, but it’s something we need to unpack.

As humans we feel a full spectrum of emotions from sadness and anger, and jealousy to joy, happiness and ecstasy. For our time here and now as humans, all of these emotions are valid, as I’ve written about before in Emotions are like Puppies. You are allowed to feel anyway you want. If someone did something to you that is beyond forgiveness (which I have heard many stories where this could be the case) - it is okay to be unable to forgive them.

I know that might sound weird at first - but hear me out for a second. Forgiveness is amazing, it’s releasing, it burns the ties that bind, it’s incredible!

But!

Sometimes it takes time to fully achieve forgiveness and sometimes it is impossible to get there. If you punish yourself your whole life for being unable to forgive, you are suffering twice - once with the trauma and again torturing yourself for not being able to forgive; this is, of course, even worse for your mental and emotional well-being.

To get to true forgiveness, you have to feel ALL THE THINGS: the hatred, resentment, disgust, shame etc. because! jumping too quickly to forgiveness could be spiritually bypassing (i.e. ‘I need to forgive because I’m spiritual, woke, etc…’) or gaslighting yourself (i.e. ‘It wasn’t that bad, other people have it worse, I’m overreacting, etc.’)

Your feelings are valid. You don’t need to do anything. You are the main character in your own life.

It’s also possible if you jump too quickly to false forgiveness, later in life these unprocessed emotions like the unfelt anger, hatred and/or resentment could bubble up again when their effects are more intense. In my opinion, the reasons these emotions can be more intense than the initial ones is because they’ve become infected and irritated from being shut down and compartmentalized. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘what we resist, persists!’ In this case, falsely-forgiving emotions that have not properly gone through their entire life cycle (from birth to resolution) can become exaggerated and more aggressive from not being witnessed. We see the ill effects of this process when we witness projection - when we ‘project’ or overlay past hurts from past events on to current people in our current life.

So!

Here’s my secret hack to forgiveness*:

Instead of trying to forgive the other person for what they did to you - what if you forgave yourself for not being able to forgive the other person?

Interesting right?

In my mind, forgiveness works both ways. You can try and forgive the other person, but if that doesn’t work, why not switch the direction of the forgiveness. Maybe try this on and practice some self compassion and self mercy?

What does it feel like to forgive yourself for not being able to forgive?

What if you chose yourself first?

*Disclaimer: you do not have to agree :) this blog is written with the same philosophy of trying on a T-shirt - if it fits, great; if it doesn’t, take it off and try a new one ;)

emotions are like puppies

Emotions are like puppies. They all want to be loved and held and cuddled. They are also all worthy of love and cuddles.

In my perspective there is NO SUCH THING as a bad emotion. Anger and sadness deserve as much love and affection as joy and ecstasy. Joy and ecstasy are easy to love because they feel good! Anger and sadness may be harder to love, but they have more to teach us.

Anger Protects

I believe that Anger is a Protector Emotion. Have you ever felt sad or powerless for so long that finally Anger came to protect you? To light a fire under your ass, to initiate and instigate you? To pick you up and out of sadness and depression and throw you into action?

In some schools of thought Anger can live in and around the Solar Plexus Chakra which has to do with our drive, determination, will and ego. It makes sense that Anger can be instigating! It’s literally pushing us forward into our destiny. Ego is not necessarily a bad thing as it’s purpose is to protect the Inner Child. It can be seen as negative if it runs our life without us knowing.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. ~ Dr. Carl Jung

There is no such thing as a bad emotion

Sometimes as children we are taught there are ‘bad’ emotions but this is a lie. When a child is angry or reactive this can mean a boundary is crossed. Sometimes children do not feel comfortable hugging family friends because they can feel like strangers (if there is a lot of time between visits). Parents, sometimes embarrassed by this, will override the child’s boundaries. This can teach a child at young age that their bodies are not their own and they have no bodily autonomy. Obviously this is problematic at the time and later in life when children grow to pre-teens and young adults. If their voices and boundaries didn’t matter then, why would they matter now?

Sometimes parents do not like when children say “no,” as it’s seen as an act of defiance; but it can also be a child setting a boundary. When parents deny a child setting healthy boundaries it strips them of many things. Let’s dive deeper down this rabbit hole: a classmate wants something they have, do they say no? An older person wants to touch them inappropriately, can they say no? Someone hurts them, do they tell? How can they with no voice, no boundaries and no bodily autonomy?

all emotions are valid

Sometimes in childhood when we’re joyful the volume of our voice increases and a parent or peer shushes us and tells us we are “too loud.” This is around the time we learn that our joy isn’t welcome which can cause us to emotionally shut down and physically tighten around the diaphragm. This tightening can cause shallow breathing and a low vagal tone. ‘Vagal tone is a measure of cardiovascular function that facilitates adaptive responses to environmental challenge. Low vagal tone is associated with poor emotional and attentional regulation in children and has been conceptualized as a marker of sensitivity to stress.’

All emotions are valid and the whole point of an emotion is expression. Dr. Candace Pert writes in Molecules of Emotion that an emotion’s full lifespan is a matter of seconds. It begins, climaxes (if allowed) and then resolves itself. By fully experiencing our joy / sadness / anger / ecstasy we are allowing the full expression and complete lifecycle of that emotion.

the only bad emotion is a stuck one

There are many schools of thought on this: Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) believes that certain emotions will cause certain meridians and chakras to become discoherent and/or stagnant; by using herbs and acupuncture you can clear congestion and bring about wellness or ‘balance.’ Grief can sit in the lungs, frustration in the gallbladder, anger in the liver, overthinking in the stomach / spleen, emotional and mental digestion in the stomach / intestines and so on. In my experience, the only ‘bad’ emotion is a stuck one, as stuck emotions can cause physical ailments.

When I went through my healing crisis around 20 years old I was only able to fully heal my physical body by also balancing my mind and emotions. I talk about this often as this is when I came to realize that ‘healing’ comes from integrating the mind, body and soul as they are all interrelated; this is also when I dove much deeper into holistic healing, TCM and Ayurvedic medicine.

Later in life during my Saturn Return (Dark Night of the Soul) I was able to use and benefit from what I had already learned to help heal my 27 year old body from shingles. Shingles generally lasts for 3 months and is super painful as it affects the nerves, mine manifested in my face and neck. Luckily, I only suffered with shingles for a week because I came at it from an emotional and mental perspective, as well as treating it physically.

If you ever need another guide on relating emotions to physical illnesses, Dr. Louise Hay has compiled a list you can find here.

emotions are like puppies

And finally, emotions are like puppies. YOUR puppies. Joy and ecstasy are your adorable clean fluffy puppies and anger and sadness are your adorable fluffy puppies that accidentally got covered in mud. The important truth is that they are the same and they are yours. Your fluffy clean puppies come to you for love and you pick them up and hug them easily without hesitation because they’re clean.

Your silly adorable puppies that fell in mud cannot get the mud off themselves, so they are coming to you for help. They need your love, acceptance, and require more time and patience then your other puppies to remove the mud. Once you remove the mud you see the truth - that they are just as deserving and worthy of your love.

This is the same for your emotions, they are all valid and they deserve acceptance. In accepting your emotions and loving them for who they are and what they’re teaching you reduce resistance, you quicken the healing process, and integrate the lesson quicker.

Healing is not fixing the parts of you that are ‘broken’ - healing is loving all parts of yourself anyways <3

---

I dedicate this blog to my adorable fluffy Toby (pictured) when he got sprayed by a skunk twice - in the same week - during the winter - at night - after I had showered and was cozy in bed about to fall asleep :p

Furever Toby <3

paradigm shifts

When clients write to me for a session some of them say 1. I have a lot of trauma to work through and I want to get better and others say 2. I don’t have a lot of trauma, but I still want to get better. My response is always - “trauma” is relative - what is traumatizing to me might not be for you and vice versa. So, there is no need to judge what you perceive as trauma. If something happened to you and it bothered you, but someone else ‘went through something much worse,’ it’s still okay to not be okay with what you went through!

Spiritual bypassing is a term used to define when one’s belief system allows them to ignore or avoid personal issues or facing certain things. For example, if something particularly traumatizing happened to them, instead of processing with friends, working it out, journaling, crying, getting therapy, getting angry (all healthy reactions) they ‘jump’ straight to forgiveness. Now, of course forgiveness is a great thing, HOWEVER, you are a human being with complex thoughts and emotions and it is only natural to go through an entire process to e v e n t u a l l y arrive at forgiveness. Remember it is okay to not be okay, don’t gaslight (lie to) yourself by pretending to be okay when you’re not. That only hurts you in the long run because it delays the healing process.

I try not to speak in absolutes, but I do believe in order to heal something, you must feel it. Feeling pain, talking about your pain, accepting your pain and your process helps the pain to be witnessed and seen. In that exchange of witnessing and surrendering to what you’re experiencing in the present can help it evolve and change. Like the book written by Paulo Coelho, we ARE the Alchemist, turning the things that have happened to us into gold for others. Sometimes I wonder if the ‘bad things’ that happened to me were actually FOR ME - transforming me into a talented tuner!

It is in dialogue with pain that many beautiful things acquire their value. ~ Alain de Bottom

In Biofield Tuning we have a term called “puddling.” Puddling is when we completely and unabashedly allow ourselves to break down, withholding judgement. I remember one time I was supposed to pick up Eileen at the San Diego airport but my boyfriend and I had just broken up and I was in the middle of a good puddle session; I told her what was going on and she excitedly said “Puddle Away!” and I did.

I allowed myself to fully feel the darkness and sadness of what I was experiencing, without shaming myself or my compartmentalizing my emotions and shoving my feelings down. Because of this I was able to go through my process faster, heal quicker and feel more grounded only after a couple weeks - rather than several months! People talk about rock bottom like it’s a bad thing - but I believe that falling without end is worse. Rock bottom is when you finally stop and have an opportunity to stand up again.

In reference to what I find in the field - I prefer to call these situations Paradigm Shifts. They’re not necessarily traumas and it seems incorrect to call them that. Sometimes in childhood I find the birth of a sibling, or in the teenage years perhaps there was a move of houses, schools or even a parent getting a new job. These are not traumas if you enjoyed all of these events! However! They are Paradigm Shifts - life was one way, linear, and now everything moving forward is completely different than it was the day before. Paradigm Shifts are neither good nor bad, they just are.

Because of the self-help work I’ve done on myself since my teenage years, my understanding of the biofield and emotions, and my perspective of the world, when something goes wrong I like to think it happened “in order to strengthen the plot,” of my story. This is to acknowledge what has happened and to also bring some sarcasm and levity to the situation. If you’ve had sessions with me you know I like to invite humor in! I agree that laughter is (one of) the best medicine(s)!

It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
When it comes to dying even. Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.
No rhetoric, no tremolos, no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling, on tiptoes and no luggage, not even a sponge bag, completely unencumbered.”
~ Aldous Huxley

Healing isn’t about fixing everything that is wrong with you, it’s about accepting and loving yourself anyways. Regardless of what you went through, regardless of how you handled it, what matters is …

have you grown through what you’ve gone through.

Falling into the Trap of Productivity

…is a trap I know too well! “I am only worth something if I produce something,” “I haven’t done anything lately,” “I am so lazy, worthless…” “My friends will only like me if I show up for them constantly.” blah blah blah

YOU are a divine human BEING, not a human doing. You are allowed days of rest, days in bed, and especially skipping days of work or cancelling clients if you are not feeling up to it! Your chores and work is always waiting for you - but that special moment, concert, sunset, festival, travel option might not appear again. The more you show up for yourself, the more you have room in your heart to show up for others!! Do not give from an empty cup!

For me, the New Moon in Capricorn that we experienced a few weeks ago, brought up a lot of vulnerability, old feelings of not feeling worthy, overexposed, overwhelmed, and not feeling like I was doing / producing enough. For example - my goal this year was to try and create newsletters every month, but what I came to realize was I can only write and send newsletters when they feel 100% authentic. I can only pour out my complete and raw truth, and if I don’t have anything to share in that moment, it feels fake and false to send something that is not 100% from my heart and soul. I shared these sentiments with some friends a few weeks ago they sighed loudly with their hands over their hearts saying “THANK YOU! I have felt this exact same way for weeks!!”

Lately, in my sessions, I have noticed that I have been tuning a lot of right shoulders / heart - boundaries, left hips - unmet needs, and high hearts - your wings & feeling free to be yourself, to express yourself, to be seen… You are allowed to be seen for exactly who you are - a perfectly imperfect being who is doing their best.

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. ~ Augusten Burroughs

I’ve talked about this to my clients, and to be honest I’ve had to have this talk with myself… follow me on this thought experiment: the fact that we’re here, living and breathing on this beautiful planet with this incredible nature and amazing sunsets and fantastic friends - is ridiculous and impossible.

How can this be? We happen to be born on this amazing rock floating through this vast space with other magical celestial bodies; the rock that we’re travelling on happens to have the perfect ratio of oxygen for us to breath, the most excellent amount of water for us to swim and even different temperatures for all needs?! We all have a favorite animal, color, crystal and flower from this rock. We all remember a perfect sunset, an epic day and a lover or friend who changed our lives forever. The possibility of having all of this good luck in a ‘vacuum’ seems to me, very low. And yet, here we are, having belly laughs that are so great and boisterous that they hurt, seeing something so beautiful that we cry, experiencing something that moves in such a way it changes our lives forever.

In my thought-experiment-opinion - none of us should be here, yet we are. None of us should be so lucky, but we are.

SO…

What if… because none of those things are probable or possible, and yet they are our reality… What if … anything is possible? What if everything is possible?

:)

So relax into being and relax into breathing. Breathe into being and breathe into relaxing.

Allow your mind to fill your body with consciousness, awareness, presence and peace - allowing for space and expansion in the vastness of yourself.

You are exactly where you should be, having the experience you are having in order for your soul’s next greatest evolution. You are home and you belong here.

<3 <3 <3