Self Care
Hey there :)
So funny story, it took me until the other day when I posted something about Self Care that I realized I have not actually written a blog on Self Care.
This is a bit unusual because I talk about it all the time - it is the tiny soap box I stand on and wave my hands around… and in typing that statement I just had an ah ha! moment after realizing that I just started my sound-healing-only-instagram after 15 years… so I suppose I am late on a few important things.
Better late than never!
*starts to judge self and then immediately soaks self in forgiveness and patience for beginning so late*
Phew! Anyways!
I’ve written blogs on Self Inquiry and Energetic Hygiene and other topics related to self care, but never solely on self care. So here we are! I hope you enjoy :)
Why is Self Care so important?
I’m glad you asked.
Gracious receiving gives dignity to the act of giving
Imagine being so excited to give someone a gift it feels like your ‘tail’ is wagging. Imagine feeling the difference between their two possible reactions: 1. “oh my god thank you so much I’ve been looking for one of these forever!!!” 2. “oh thanks.” What did your energy do when you read the first statement vs the second? Perhaps it felt like your heart opened on the first statement, or you felt energized or loved or even just smiled; and then perhaps your energy or heart may have drooped a bit on the second statement.
Now imagine them giving a gift to you and you receiving their gift with the same enthusiasm from statement 1. This is the best way to receive all gifts whether it be monetary, physically like a hug, or energetic like gratitude.
Why? You might ask.
Because:
Gracious receiving gives dignity to the act of giving
When we give and receive in equal measure our heart chakra becomes balanced. If you put your arms out to your sides in a ‘T’ shape you’ll notice the arms are in the ~ zone ~ of the Heart Chakra. The Heart Chakra has to do with the love, mercy, kindness and compassion we give and offer to others - but also the love, mercy, kindness and compassion we give to OURSELVES!
It is just as important to be nice to yourself as it is to other people. You are a worthy and deserving being! You’ve been through a lot and you’re trying your best!
Honestly it’s hard to remember this and I totally get it - one of the best phrases that was ever shared with me - credited to my dearly departed Tif - was “you parent yourself the way your parents did, when you are stressed out.” That statement whacked me in the head and landed hard in my heart: I’m a relatively easy going person… but in the past, when I was stressed, my brain chatter was constant judgement and inner critic.
Why am I talking all about this in a blog about Self Care? Well, when you think about Self Care, it’s about caring about yourself. If your parents weren’t super supportive then that is the tone of the inner voice you have in your head under stress. Gently trying to switch that inner critic to the inner coach is super beneficial. Constantly judging, nitpicking, comparing, putting yourself down probably hasn’t helped you in the past, so maybe it’s time to try a new way!
Self care covers a wide range of topics
Self Care can be being gentle to yourself. It can be reminding yourself not to beat yourself up over little things. It can be physical like drinking water or working out. It can be mental like writing a to-do list of silly tasks just so your brain gets dopamine once you check them off…
If you are an human in today’s society you’re probably a bit stressed. I invite you (mmmmaybe perhaps urge you) to put Self Care at the top of your daily to-do list. Between expectations of peers, colleagues and family; social media trying its best to harvest and monetize your attention (yuck!) and not-so-great-news being on the news all the time it’s important to stay aligned, grounded, true to yourself & healthy - whatever that means for you.
If you’ve found me for healing services then you might be considered a Highly Sensitive person / empath / light worker, and if so, it is paramount to our own healing journey to Self Care, especially if we are sharing our talents with others in a healing space. We can pick up energy from other people and we want to make sure we don’t continue to carry that energy around.
We live in a time we have to be connected at all times, we live in a time that we have talked and connected with more people this year alone than in the entire lives of people back then. How crazy to think about? I would wager a guess that we see / interact with more people in a month (in person and social media) than our ancestors saw in a lifetime?!
Because of this we desperately need to take care of ourselves.
So, what does Self Care look like?
In the past I have not had the best habits i.e. food and alcohol, and it was hard for me to get out of those habits - so one of the very first things that I taught myself to do was to marry a bad habit with a good one. Am I going to eat that bag of Doritos? Yes… AND! Now I have to eat an apple first. If you try to cut everything that’s unhealthy it miiiight not work, and this is because these unhealthy habits also moonlight as coping skills. Sometimes we do need a day to do nothing, so take it, you deserve it, and then the next day maybe you notice you’re 4x as productive! (Ps: these stories are all autobiographical ;)
It’s all about balance!
Self Care is so much fun because there’s so many options to chose from! Here are some ideas for you:
Self care ideas from my heart to yours
Physical
Workout - it’s no joke that working out helps stimulate happy neurotransmitters in your body to make your brain happier
Hydrate - drink water! This is one of the simplest things that makes the biggest difference.
Massage (or Acupuncture etc etc) - supports flow in the body. Movement = flow = health.
Cold plunge - creates more of a dopamine hit then cocaine!
Infrared Sauna - because it can penetrate the skin to help your cells detox
Hiking - my favorite activity
Nature - nature is my #1 self care to bring me back in alignment to myself
Fasting - intermittently, and every once and awhile 4-7 days because I love all the health benefits you get from it.
Sobriety - I’ve been sober for 10 months now and will write about this soon
Dancing! I love a good Kevin-Bacon-Footloose-Dance-Explosion!
Literally anything physical that makes you feel awesome… even sex!
Energetic
Set boundaries with parents / friends / whomever
Saying “no” without explaining yourself
Salt bath - salt has “green” energy according so certain color therapy modalities which is cleansing & dissolving
Energy / sound healing sessions of course ;)
“Cutting” cords - to bring back your energy from others
Manifesting / vision board to awake dreams into life / keep you on track with your goals
Do something new even if you scares you - I can’t stress this one enough. This is truly how I live my life and my life has been a grand adventure because of it.
Anything that makes your heart soar, you feel satisfaction & pride in yourself, anything that increases your mana ;)
Mental
Allow work to end when you punch out
Write down to-do list per day or week, check things off no matter how trivial they seem trains your brain to be proud of yourself (sometimes I make a list and check off: coffee walk, journal, set intentions)
Set phone hours like working hours - phone goes on airplane at 6p and off airplane at 6am
Read - anything: magazines, comic books, fiction, non fiction, just the act of focusing and reading and enjoying
Allow quiet time
Journal your intentions
Anything that helps you dive into something so deep you find the mind has accidentally quieted itself… even rabbit holes ;)
Spiritual
Carving time out of your day for yourself i.e. solo time
Meditate
Connect with nature
Start cultivating a true “You” practice, doing breathwork, learning about mindfulness, think of it like a gift to yourself
Anything that brings you back home to yourself, in alignment with your truth and your wild authenticity
Stay in touch!
I would love to hear how this blog helped, inspired or just re-aligned you back on your path toward Self Care!
Don’t hesitate to reach out, comment like or share <3
I’m in my villain era
aka what are boundaries and why we need them :P
Over New Years 2022-2023 my friends and I were skiing at Snowbowl in Flagstaff, AZ talking about our New Years resolution. I stated “I’m in my villain era.” When my friends asked what that meant I responded with “I’m matching energy. Giving energy to those who give it back, not overextending and putting my needs first.” I’m a verbal processer, so when I say things out loud I’m literally processing my thoughts and feelings and discovering my truth while I talk. I realized that what I mean by “I’m in my villain era,” was simply me setting boundaries.
Boundaries are a vital aspect of self-care, they are often misunderstood. Many people view setting boundaries as being selfish (especially if we are not used to setting them!), but in reality, boundaries are an essential tool for protecting our emotional and physical well-being, maintaining healthy relationships and managing stress.
Especially as highly sensitive individuals (HSP), empaths, and lightworkers, we may find ourselves taking on the emotional burdens of others without even realizing it. Asking “is this emotion mine?” was very helpful for me in understanding that sometimes what I was feeling wasn’t mine, and in fact the person in line next to me at the grocery store! It was easy to figure out, once I learned to ask myself this question. because my mood would shift SO drastically, the emotion just simply couldn’t belong to me.
people pleasing
In childhood there can be certain instances in which we learn or are trained to become “people pleasers.” Through conditioning we can learn that our worth is connected to how well we please our parents. When we are constantly rewarded for meeting their expectation, or punished for not, we learn to bend to their needs, rather than meeting our own. We can learn that our value is dependent on their mood.
If we grew up in a strict and/or violent home - approval can become equivalent to safety. In this case we may ‘people please’ as a way to control the situation to manipulate the outcome, in order to create safety.
Sometimes we may feel responsible for other people's feelings and needs, and as a result, neglect our own. I know I have been guilty of every time a friend needs me I show up ASAP to help them regardless of my emotional, mental or even physical bandwidth. If we suffer from low self esteem, lack confidence or fear rejection we may seek the validation of others and eventually can lose ourselves in the quest for others’ love and appreciation.
Have you ever said “yes” to something you absolutely WISHED you said ‘no’ too? Could you feel your life force start to drain because you knew you overextended yourself again? Have you ever hung out with someone who energetically just took everything out of you and gave nothing back, and by the time you got home you needed a nap?
how to set boundaries
Setting boundaries is not about being selfish or uncaring; it's about recognizing our own needs and communicating them to others. It's about taking responsibility for our own emotions and wellbeing, rather than expecting others to do it for us. If we keep giving and asking nothing in return, a person has no reason to cut themself off from the endless supply you’re giving them. This happens often in relationships between a narcissist and an empath and we we refer to these people as ‘energy vampires.’
Boundaries can be as simple as saying ‘no,’ to setting limits on how much time we spend with people, and who we spend time with. It's important to remember that boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about respecting ourselves and our needs enough to take control of our own lives
In order to properly set boundaries, we must first identify our own needs and priorities. Self-reflection is key here, and so is self respect. We must learn to recognize when we are overextending ourselves and when it's time to take a step back. This can be difficult, especially if we have been conditioned to prioritize others over ourselves, but it's a necessary step towards self-care and wellbeing.
Communicating our boundaries can also be challenging, but remember! this is not about being confrontation- it's about being clear with our truth and assertive in our communication. We can communicate our boundaries with kindness and respect, while still being firm in our needs.
Setting healthy boundaries is a beautiful and necessary type of self care - we are creating space for ourselves, our needs, which blossoms into our growth and evolution. When we allow ourselves to prioritize our own needs, we become more resilient in the face of life's challenges. We also create healthier relationships, based on mutual respect and understanding.
When we create boundaries we benefit everyone around us. We are being more true to ourselves and more authentic, which is deepening our integrity and the quality of our relationships with those around us because we are living in our truth!
Like life, setting boundaries is a constant thing, it spirals around with us as we learn lessons and grow. Because of that we may have to revisit boundaries with certain people, but we can rest assured that those who love us and want a relationship with us will honor our boundaries.
Remember: ‘No.’ is a complete sentence! You are allowed to take up space in the world. Your needs are just as important as those around you. You are here for a reason and the universe needs you <3
