When clients write to me for a session some of them say 1. I have a lot of trauma to work through and I want to get better and others say 2. I don’t have a lot of trauma, but I still want to get better. My response is always - “trauma” is relative - what is traumatizing to me might not be for you and vice versa. So, there is no need to judge what you perceive as trauma. If something happened to you and it bothered you, but someone else ‘went through something much worse,’ it’s still okay to not be okay with what you went through!
Spiritual bypassing is a term used to define when one’s belief system allows them to ignore or avoid personal issues or facing certain things. For example, if something particularly traumatizing happened to them, instead of processing with friends, working it out, journaling, crying, getting therapy, getting angry (all healthy reactions) they ‘jump’ straight to forgiveness. Now, of course forgiveness is a great thing, HOWEVER, you are a human being with complex thoughts and emotions and it is only natural to go through an entire process to e v e n t u a l l y arrive at forgiveness. Remember it is okay to not be okay, don’t gaslight (lie to) yourself by pretending to be okay when you’re not. That only hurts you in the long run because it delays the healing process.
I try not to speak in absolutes, but I do believe in order to heal something, you must feel it. Feeling pain, talking about your pain, accepting your pain and your process helps the pain to be witnessed and seen. In that exchange of witnessing and surrendering to what you’re experiencing in the present can help it evolve and change. Like the book written by Paulo Coelho, we ARE the Alchemist, turning the things that have happened to us into gold for others. Sometimes I wonder if the ‘bad things’ that happened to me were actually FOR ME - transforming me into a talented tuner!
It is in dialogue with pain that many beautiful things acquire their value. ~ Alain de Bottom
In Biofield Tuning we have a term called “puddling.” Puddling is when we completely and unabashedly allow ourselves to break down, withholding judgement. I remember one time I was supposed to pick up Eileen at the San Diego airport but my boyfriend and I had just broken up and I was in the middle of a good puddle session; I told her what was going on and she excitedly said “Puddle Away!” and I did.
I allowed myself to fully feel the darkness and sadness of what I was experiencing, without shaming myself or my compartmentalizing my emotions and shoving my feelings down. Because of this I was able to go through my process faster, heal quicker and feel more grounded only after a couple weeks - rather than several months! People talk about rock bottom like it’s a bad thing - but I believe that falling without end is worse. Rock bottom is when you finally stop and have an opportunity to stand up again.
In reference to what I find in the field - I prefer to call these situations Paradigm Shifts. They’re not necessarily traumas and it seems incorrect to call them that. Sometimes in childhood I find the birth of a sibling, or in the teenage years perhaps there was a move of houses, schools or even a parent getting a new job. These are not traumas if you enjoyed all of these events! However! They are Paradigm Shifts - life was one way, linear, and now everything moving forward is completely different than it was the day before. Paradigm Shifts are neither good nor bad, they just are.
Because of the self-help work I’ve done on myself since my teenage years, my understanding of the biofield and emotions, and my perspective of the world, when something goes wrong I like to think it happened “in order to strengthen the plot,” of my story. This is to acknowledge what has happened and to also bring some sarcasm and levity to the situation. If you’ve had sessions with me you know I like to invite humor in! I agree that laughter is (one of) the best medicine(s)!
It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.
I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
When it comes to dying even. Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.
No rhetoric, no tremolos, no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.
So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling, on tiptoes and no luggage, not even a sponge bag, completely unencumbered.”
~ Aldous Huxley
Healing isn’t about fixing everything that is wrong with you, it’s about accepting and loving yourself anyways. Regardless of what you went through, regardless of how you handled it, what matters is …
have you grown through what you’ve gone through.
