As an eternal student

I know enough to know I can always learn more.

That is why it is so important to me to continue my education learning new ways to best support you on your healing journey. My eternal mission and my responsibility to my clients is to provide them with the utmost care.

In 2023 I did two massive 7 day intensive trainings. One with BioCybernaut in Sedona in March and one with the Hoffman Institute in Chester, Connecticut in November. Warning: these trainings are not retreats, and they are not easy. You have to fully commit to yourself and be your own accountabilty buddy. You have to seriously want to change.

At my Biocybernaut Training I not only learned how to train my brain, I learned how to alter it in real time. During the training I was hooked up to an EEG which uses Biofeedback to show your brainwaves (represented by numbers) as they are happening. Watching my brainwaves shift based on what I was thinking about enabled me to change the way I think, react, feel and heal.

For 7 full days I was in a cold dark room (seriously!) just learning how to train my brain and focus my thoughts to achieve alpha state. An unfocused-focus or a focused-unfocused is the best way I can describe alpha although google describes it as ‘a wakeful relaxation.’

Consistent practicing throughout 7 days and and constant biofeedback from my brain waves helped root this change deep inside myself. As you all know how I feel about Forgiveness - I am happy to say that my view of forgiveness has expanded! This is wholly due to my time at BioCybernaut and the Hoffman Institute!

I have had trouble with forgiveness in the past and have written about ‘hacking forgiveness.’ The techniques used in BioCybernaut and Hoffman helped me discover forgiveness from a deep internal and highly expansive way. I truly feel like a new Jess.

The Hoffman Process works on forgiveness between yourself, your inner child and your relationships with your family, and how that influences your current relationship dynamics. Do you ever get sick of being yourself sometimes? With the same patterns coming up over and over again in relationships? There comes a point where you’re like okayyyyyy…. maybe its not everyone else when the common denominator is ME. (ha!)

Both BioCybernaut and Hoffman work to honor exactly how you felt at the time, they allow you to express, to be angry, to be hurt, to feel that rage, resentment, to feel that betrayal, that sticky shame and horrible guilt. In doing so, you are deeply honoring how your Inner Child felt at the time and you are allowed to point the finger at those around you who you perceived were ‘guilty’ for causing this pain. One of my favorite quotes from Hoffman is:

Everyone is guilty, and no one is to blame.

This sentence exploded my brain. Everyone is guilty…. and no one is to blame. How painfully poetic and beautifully true.

I, we, you, they, us are all guilty, but we’re not to blame.

After allowing yourself to feel the hurt and the pain you start to understand that the people around you who caused you pain were only trying to avoid their own pain.

Now, of course we all know this logically, but through the techniques used in BioCybernaut and Hoffman you are going through and growing through a spiritual pilgrimage and building up a Hero’s Journey to get to these places. Remember both of these programs are 7 days fully intensive. At Hoffman they take your phone for this whole time (eeeek!) You have to fully commit to yourself, to heal, for your future self, to save yourself and the way you relate to others.

In these programs you are receiving feedback from how you feel about these situations and circumstances and healing them from the perspective of the subconscious mind. These two programs are absolutely INCREDIBLE and I would highly recommend them.

I did BioCybernaut first, in March of 2023 and Hoffman second in October 2023. I liked the way I did these programs because they 100% build off one another. After Hoffman I went back to Michigan and spent a whole fucking week with my parents! If you know, you know :p

Since then, I feel more aligned in myself, I blame people less for things that have happened and I have been able to be so me-y it’s been so full of bliss and so fantastic. I feel so aligned in my center and my truth and I have been able to speak it from such a grounded and diplomatic way. I have been able to see people from their wounded Inner Child and the amount of compassion I have for everyone around me is magnificently overwhelmning.

I am finally free from my patterns - whether they were passed down from generations or created by Inner Child me to avoid pain.

The longer I sit as a student, the better I rise as a teacher.

If you have any questions or want to work with me, please feel free to message me as I would love to share more!

xoxox

Why do I have soooo many Tattoos?

Thank you for asking, I would love to talk about this as it’s a question I get so often.

As a Cancerian girl growing up in Michigan around the Great Lakes, water, specifically rivers, lakes, and streams were an important part of my childhood AND I grew up with a creek behind my parent’s house. Every year my family camped on Lake Huron since I was 5 years old, we camped on the Canadian side so every night I watched the sun set over the water, Michigan invisible on the horizon.

As I’ve written about before, my dad blessed my childhood with divination tools like Tarot, Numerology and Astrology. I already had a curious mind about all things “woo” and mysterious so this found me traveling down different windy roads with topics like spiritualism, Theosophy, the Golden Dawn, quantum physics, and this eventually (as all things do) lead me to the subject of water.

I was a voracious reader and one fateful day I came upon Dr Emoto’s Hidden Messages in Water at 16 years old. Dr Emoto was a Japanese researcher who’s focus was intention and he wrote about different experiments in this book.

In one experiment they put 3 plants in a closet (in order to avoid sunlight as a variable). They watered these plants every day but for Plant 1 - the intention was to speak good things to it. For Plant 2 - the intention was to speak negative things to it and for Plant 3 - the intention was to ignore it.

Guess which plant died?

The plant that was ignored.

This blew my tiny teenage brain.

I learned an ancient truth: there is so much power in intention.

… The book carried on.

Dr Emoto and his team did experiments with water and intention where they would take water from the same source (to avoid variable) and poured the water in different glasses and taped a range of intentions to the different glasses. These intentions were across a spectrum, from “love” and “compassion” all the way to “hate” and “greed.” The researchers would freeze the water and image the crystals with microscopic photography.

What did they find?!

The researches found that the water in glasses with loving intentions taped to it formed beautiful crystals, and the glasses of water that had negative intentions taped to it had trouble forming crystals all together, they looked almost deformed.

Teenage Jess’s mind was blown again, and, as a creative person who had always used their outward appearance as their creative expression I had come to learn another truth.

If you have an intention and you wish it upon water, that water will hold and carry that intention.

My brain immediately linked “intention,” “ink,” and “water” to tattoos on the skin. ‘Maybe this is why our ancestors, who knew so much about the stars, and had rituals and ceremonies and walkabouts, maybe this is why they had been found, discovered and unburied with tattoos inked into their skin,’ teenage Jess pondered, creating the connection between tattoos and ancient civilizations. (Not surprisingly, I grew up with an interest in the mysteries of the world, like the Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis, Lemuria, Egypt; until growing up I realized all places are mysterious and magical, they’re just waiting for their magic to be rediscovered.)

Another fellow tattooed person, after hearing my reasoning, had a similar thought and said to me “When I started getting tattoos, it mostly felt like they were just being uncovered, rather than inked on.”

(continued after picture…)

I realized that maybe, just maybe, if I intended something… created an image of that intention, and that magic that intention contained… and inked it into my skin… could I actually change the frequency of my body, which is water and therefore holds memory?

If I ink something ancient, like the Flower of Life, the Sri Yantra, or perhaps the Unalome… does that match my frequency with the intention of that symbol, that has been revered, respected, for millenia?

Does that literally, metaphorically or even metaphysically invoke the power that the symbol has held for me and/or my life?

Can I literally harness the magic and power of the universe through intention, ink and water?

Teenage Jess cried “YES!” Twenty-year old Jess agreed and 30 something Jess still agrees, and not only that, but is so proud of Teenage Jess for making that discovery for herself and committing to it.

<3

My life has always been magic, and will continue to be nothing less than magic; maybe it’s not necessarily because of the “ink,” but it’s definitely linked to “water,” and 100% because of “intention.”

<3

Very special shout out to Janice Rodriguez for taking the time, one fateful night & stepping up to the task of counting all my tattoos - she counted 65, with room for error <3

I’m in my villain era

aka what are boundaries and why we need them :P

Over New Years 2022-2023 my friends and I were skiing at Snowbowl in Flagstaff, AZ talking about our New Years resolution. I stated “I’m in my villain era.” When my friends asked what that meant I responded with “I’m matching energy. Giving energy to those who give it back, not overextending and putting my needs first.” I’m a verbal processer, so when I say things out loud I’m literally processing my thoughts and feelings and discovering my truth while I talk. I realized that what I mean by “I’m in my villain era,” was simply me setting boundaries.

Boundaries are a vital aspect of self-care, they are often misunderstood. Many people view setting boundaries as being selfish (especially if we are not used to setting them!), but in reality, boundaries are an essential tool for protecting our emotional and physical well-being, maintaining healthy relationships and managing stress.

Especially as highly sensitive individuals (HSP), empaths, and lightworkers, we may find ourselves taking on the emotional burdens of others without even realizing it. Asking “is this emotion mine?” was very helpful for me in understanding that sometimes what I was feeling wasn’t mine, and in fact the person in line next to me at the grocery store! It was easy to figure out, once I learned to ask myself this question. because my mood would shift SO drastically, the emotion just simply couldn’t belong to me.

people pleasing

In childhood there can be certain instances in which we learn or are trained to become “people pleasers.” Through conditioning we can learn that our worth is connected to how well we please our parents. When we are constantly rewarded for meeting their expectation, or punished for not, we learn to bend to their needs, rather than meeting our own. We can learn that our value is dependent on their mood.

If we grew up in a strict and/or violent home - approval can become equivalent to safety. In this case we may ‘people please’ as a way to control the situation to manipulate the outcome, in order to create safety.

Sometimes we may feel responsible for other people's feelings and needs, and as a result, neglect our own. I know I have been guilty of every time a friend needs me I show up ASAP to help them regardless of my emotional, mental or even physical bandwidth. If we suffer from low self esteem, lack confidence or fear rejection we may seek the validation of others and eventually can lose ourselves in the quest for others’ love and appreciation.

Have you ever said “yes” to something you absolutely WISHED you said ‘no’ too? Could you feel your life force start to drain because you knew you overextended yourself again? Have you ever hung out with someone who energetically just took everything out of you and gave nothing back, and by the time you got home you needed a nap?

how to set boundaries

Setting boundaries is not about being selfish or uncaring; it's about recognizing our own needs and communicating them to others. It's about taking responsibility for our own emotions and wellbeing, rather than expecting others to do it for us. If we keep giving and asking nothing in return, a person has no reason to cut themself off from the endless supply you’re giving them. This happens often in relationships between a narcissist and an empath and we we refer to these people as ‘energy vampires.’

Boundaries can be as simple as saying ‘no,’ to setting limits on how much time we spend with people, and who we spend time with. It's important to remember that boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about respecting ourselves and our needs enough to take control of our own lives

In order to properly set boundaries, we must first identify our own needs and priorities. Self-reflection is key here, and so is self respect. We must learn to recognize when we are overextending ourselves and when it's time to take a step back. This can be difficult, especially if we have been conditioned to prioritize others over ourselves, but it's a necessary step towards self-care and wellbeing.

Communicating our boundaries can also be challenging, but remember! this is not about being confrontation- it's about being clear with our truth and assertive in our communication. We can communicate our boundaries with kindness and respect, while still being firm in our needs.

Setting healthy boundaries is a beautiful and necessary type of self care - we are creating space for ourselves, our needs, which blossoms into our growth and evolution. When we allow ourselves to prioritize our own needs, we become more resilient in the face of life's challenges. We also create healthier relationships, based on mutual respect and understanding.

When we create boundaries we benefit everyone around us. We are being more true to ourselves and more authentic, which is deepening our integrity and the quality of our relationships with those around us because we are living in our truth!

Like life, setting boundaries is a constant thing, it spirals around with us as we learn lessons and grow. Because of that we may have to revisit boundaries with certain people, but we can rest assured that those who love us and want a relationship with us will honor our boundaries.

Remember: ‘No.’ is a complete sentence! You are allowed to take up space in the world. Your needs are just as important as those around you. You are here for a reason and the universe needs you <3

unstick your stories

Stories

We all have them and they have an impact on how we see ourselves, show up in relationships, and how we live our lives. Stories are powerful tools for shaping our perceptions of the world, and they can have a profound influence on our sense of self.

On the one hand, stories can be incredibly empowering. They can inspire us to dream big, take risks, and pursue our passions. They can give us a sense of purpose and direction, and help us to connect with others who share our values and aspirations.

However, stories can also be limiting. When we are exposed to negative or restrictive stories about ourselves or the world around us, they can become internalized and start to shape our self-image. We may begin to believe that we are not good enough, or that we are incapable of achieving our goals. These stories can become self-fulfilling prophecies, leading us to hold ourselves back and miss out on opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

So how can we use the power of stories to become the best versions of ourselves, rather than being held back by limiting beliefs? One approach is to become more conscious of the stories we tell ourselves and others. By examining the narratives that shape our perceptions of the world, we can begin to identify and challenge the ones that are holding us back. We can seek out new stories that align with our values and aspirations, and use them to inspire and motivate us.

When I am going to say something negative about myself I say “in the past I was ____,” or “historically, I was _____,” this way I am putting the limiting belief behind me, in my past, where it belongs. I know how important the present moment is as that is the exact location that our future blossoms from!

Another approach is to become the authors of our own stories. Rather than allowing external narratives to define us, we can take control of our own narratives and shape them in a way that reflects our true authentic selves. This may involve taking risks, pursuing our passions, and embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities. This may also mean appreciating and acknowledging the people that you have been before and also allowing them to fade away at the same time.

I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this morning… but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. ~ Lewis Carroll

One time I was explaining astrology to a friend of mine, she was asking me to explain how she (an Aquarius) and I (a Cancer) were different. My simple explanation without going into Moon/Rising etc was to explain that as an air sign she has a sort of beautiful detached quality that allows her to not be offended by the words or expectations of others; me being a Cancer, a water sign who feels mostly everything and is historically sensitive, I could be offended much easier by something a friend said to me.

I use astrology as a guideline, like all divination tools they help you to see aspects of yourself you were blind to before. When I was describing this to my friend I realized that if I find myself offended I could just try to get up and out of my Cancerian mind for a moment, to transcend my own bullshit in order to have a broader perspective.

set yourself free

Let’s play pretend for a moment. What if you were not you? Not necessarily someone else, just not yourself with your past and your stories and your grievances and your pain. For a breath just allow your personality and your burdens to sink deep into the ground and allow yourself to become empty. Take a few slooooow and deeeeep breaths. And allow the self (personality / avatar) that is not the Self (soul) to sink into the earth. The ground of course will hold on to these things so you don’t have to. Now breathe from this emptiness, this unknownness, this spaciousness and see what it feels like. Do you feel burdened or stressed in the same way? Do you have the same physical discomfort in your body? Do you experience different emotions? Stay curious. What does this feel like?

Depression is your avatar telling you it's tired of being the character you're trying to play. ~ Jim Carrey

What this visualization allows us is to step outside of ourselves to see the cage we’ve built around ourselves with all of your stories. If I can consider for a second that I can be different, and my thoughts create emotions, which create hormones, which inspire actions, then by thinking may way into spaciousness, I can achieve spaciousness. By thinking myself limitless, I can achieve limitlessness.

Ultimately, the stories we tell ourselves and others have a profound impact on our sense of self and our ability to thrive in the world. By becoming more conscious of these stories and taking an active role in shaping them, we can unlock our full potential and become the best versions of ourselves!

Then one day the stories that made you vengeful, that made you powerless, that held control over you will just be chapters of an old book you read 15 years ago.

Please enjoy one of my favorite quotes from Alan Watts & Albert Camus.

Let's suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have.

And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say "Well, that was pretty great." But now let's have a surprise. Let's have a dream which isn't under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don't know what it's going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say "Wow, that was a close shave, wasn't it?"

And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream.

And finally, you would dream ... where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today. ~ Alan Watts

~

The realization that life is absurd cannot be an end, but a beginning. ~ Albert Camus

shame

SHAME

Shame is a powerful and often overwhelming emotion that can be difficult to shake off. It is the feeling that we are flawed, inadequate, or unworthy of love and acceptance. Shame can be triggered by a wide range of experiences, from small mistakes to major life events, and it can have a significant impact on our mental and emotional well-being. It's the feeling that we are not good enough or that we have done something wrong, and it often leads to a sense of isolation and disconnection from others.

Shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. ~ Brene Brown

When we experience shame, we believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, and that we are different or separate from the people around us. This can be incredibly isolating and can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair.

In my opinion, shame and guilt are some of the worst feelings a human can feel because of how sticky they are - they’re like quicksand and the more you feel them the more they suck you under. I believe this happens because of my belief in past lives, and ancestral and intergenerational trauma that goes all the way back in time, but remembered and/or echoed through DNA. Once upon a time when we were in nomadic tribes we depended on community for survival - if you did something bad you were potentially exiled from your community. This exile could have and would have meant death. I think it’s possible shame and guilt feel so awful because they bring up past-life memories and emotions of despair and threaten death.

Luckily for all of us, it IS possible to break the cycle of shame. The first step is to recognize and acknowledge and NAME our feelings of shame. We must be willing to confront our shame head-on and recognize that it is a normal and natural emotion - just like all other emotions. Remember all your Emotions are Like Puppies, and they are all valid.

Another effective approach is to challenge the negative beliefs that underlie our feelings of shame. Remember - we parent ourselves like our parents did when we are stressed. In the absence of our parents, we can become our biggest critic. Question where those internal voices are coming from - see if you can reframe that Critical Judge Self to perhaps a Supportive and Benevolent Coach. By questioning the validity of our negative self-talk and reframing our thoughts in a more positive light, we can begin to shift our perspective and feel more confident in ourselves.

I like to put sticky notes around my house reminding me “I did the best that I could in that moment,” “I can always try better tomorrow,” “I’m doing great.” So that every time my negative self talk may arise there is a sticky note not too far in the distance cheering me on. This begins to create a feedback loop: negative thought arises -> we feel it -> we find it in our body and name it -> we accept and breathe that this is all a part of being human -> we create a new thought -> if the negative thought is still there, that’s okay, -> begin again at step 1.

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before you learned it ~ Brene Brown

This is my favorite quote from Brene Brown. I believe there are no such thing as mistakes - only lessons that help us grow into the people we have always been on the inside. Another way to overcome shame is to practice self-compassion. This means treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than judgment and criticism.

Allow yourself to grow through what you go through.

I believe that we are the people we needed when we were younger.

Let that sink in for a second.

We are, in our current self, the exact people we needed when we were younger. Allow yourself to go back in time and give the little version of yourself exactly what they needed. Re-parent yourselves with loving-kindness, listen to your inner self with compassionate understanding.

Ultimately, overcoming shame requires us to be brave and vulnerable. It means acknowledging our flaws and mistakes, and accepting ourselves as we are - beautifully flawed and perfectly imperfect. When we are able to do this, we can break free from the cycle of shame and live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

The fear of judgment and rejection can prevent us from being our authentic selves and can even lead to self-destructive behaviors. It's important to recognize and address feelings of shame in order to live a more fulfilling life. Just like I wrote about in Vulnerability: A Superpower, there is strength and alchemical gold in being vulnerable because it helps you connect more authentically to others.

Alchemy

I believe in the magic of Alchemy, or turning non-gold materials into gold through magic. Circumstances of our life will happen to us and AND for us; it is up to us to extract the gems of truth from these ordinary or unfortunate experiences and transmute them into gold.

I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

The story of the lotus in Buddhism reminds me of alchemizing our life experiences and transforming them into enlightenment. The lotus starts its life from the bottom of a dirty pond, it grows upwards towards the light until finally transforming into the beautiful lotus flower that sits above the muddy water, becoming the illuminated flower that we all know and love. This is like us through life - we are born under certain conditions that we must grow upwards and expand beyond. Throughout life we are searching for the light - whether that is love, our purpose, money, etc. We stretch and reach towards this goal until finally achieving it and blossoming open above the mucky muck, reaping all the goodness that we have sown in the sunlight of this awareness.

This is the same with alchemizing our shame and vulnerability into gold for others. Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation, so by sharing our experiences with others, we can begin to build more meaningful connections with the people around us.

don’t ‘should’ on yourself!

There is no such thing as something you should have done. It simply doesn’t exist. What if the only thing that is truly real is this moment we’re having? You did your best at the time, with the knowledge that you had, and regardless of the outcome you have gained wisdom.

This is important: you did not walk away empty handed, you have an expanded awareness of the situation; you have gained wisdom and experience that you can apply to future circumstances.

Everything in your life has lead you to the moment you’re having right now. If you like where you are then nothing you have done can be seen as a mistake. If you don’t like where you are, instead of kicking yourself, focus your energy here in the present moment.

The magic of the present moment is what builds and blossoms your future. Changing your actions right now can create a new path forward. If you tried to plant a garden every year in the same place with the same seeds, and every year it didn’t work - wouldn’t you try changing something? We as humans are just more complex gardens :)

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I remember going through a difficult break up and thinking “I should have done this,” “if only I did this,” and then having an epiphany that our hearts HAVE to break throughout our life! This happens for us so our hearts can expand and hold more love. This is the whole philosophy of Kintsugi - the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold - making something that broke even more beautiful than it was before it broke.

Everyone has cracks, that’s how the light gets in. ~ Leonard Cohen

Ultimately, the key to overcoming shame lies in cultivating self-compassion and self-love. By recognizing our inherent worth and treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we can begin to heal the wounds that shame has caused and move towards a more fulfilling and authentic life.

By acknowledging and accepting our experiences and emotions, we can begin to work through them and find ways to move forward. By sitting with our discomfort, and practicing being comfortable being uncomfortable we begin to detach from these emotions. Rather than “I am shameful” we realize “shame is visiting us.” This gives us permission to feel what we feel without judgement.

Once again:

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before you learned it ~ Brene Brown

*I highly recommend listening to Brene Brown’s various youtube videos and podcasts on shame! She is highly informative, an amazing and compassionate educator and a deep listener <3

vulnerability: a superpower

Vulnerability is an essential part of the human experience. It is the state of being exposed to the possibility of harm or damage, either physically or emotionally. Vulnerability is often viewed negatively, associated with weakness or frailty. However, it is important to recognize that vulnerability can also be a source of strength and growth; a superpower.

Like most of us ‘black sheep,’ Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s), empaths and/or lightworkers, I used to think feeling my feelings so deeply and expressing my vulnerability was a curse. But it also felt inauthentic to feel things so deeply without sharing them because I longed for connection despite feeling isolated in my depression. I read somewhere (later in life) that when you’re depressed you’re actually more connected to the collective than when you’re happy. Depression will lie to you and tell you you’re alone, but in that moment of your darkest hour you’re more connected to everyone else than ever before. I think this is because we all experience pain, but not all of us are able or privileged enough to experience the highest of highs. What I have come to realize through my experiences of long term anxiety and depression throughout my teens and early 20’s is that sometimes the lowest of lows allow me to know what the highest of highs feel like. It’s like without the lows as a baseline - how would I know how high the highs get?

People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses. ~ Brene Brown

Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness or a flaw. It's something we can try to hide from others and even from ourselves. However, vulnerability can be a strength that can help us bond more deeply with others and become more resilient in the face of life's challenges. Have you ever shared something with someone who accepted and loved you despite what you shared? Remember the amount of love and gratitude and appreciation you felt for that relationship?

…the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. ~ Dr. Suess

strength in vulnerability

I started to realize feeling everything so deeply wasn’t a bad thing, it connected me to more people, it made me more compassionate, patient and more understanding of what my fellow human was growing through.

This is the lesson of the Throat Chakra teaches us power through vulnerability - sharing our truth brings the people together and completes the circle. Storytelling connects us through weaving threads of dialogue and finding resonant nodes and related topics. When we share our wounds and truth, others feel more comfortable sharing, which opens hearts, expands minds, and deepens relationships.

Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage. ~ Brene Brown

The planetary alignments and retrogrades we experienced at the end of 2022 really put me into an introverted, reflective state where I was reeling from such intense unworthiness and feelings undeserving of the life I live. These emotions and feelings were so intense I was beginning to implode into myself so I decided instead of letting these emotions direct my downward spiral, I would shine a light into this darkness and share them with my friends and boyfriend instead.

As SOON as I shared my emotions they sighed, releasing their breath and the heaviness that came with it, “me too,” they said. Through sharing our vulnerability and being so honest with ourselves and each other - and supporting each other through working with our own brand of feelings, we were able to relax fully into ourselves, our truth, and each other.

Vulnerability can also be a source of strength in difficult times. When we are vulnerable, we allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions, even if they are painful. This can be difficult, but it can also help us to move through difficult experiences and come out stronger on the other side.

In order to embrace vulnerability as a superpower, we must learn to be kind to ourselves. We must recognize that vulnerability is a sign of courage and strength. We must also be willing to be patient with ourselves and with others, as this can be a slow and sometimes challenging process.

When we are vulnerable, we create deeper ties with the people around us. It requires trust, and when we are willing to share our true selves with others, we create an environment of trust and understanding.

Vulnerability; a superpower

Vulnerability can be scary. It requires us to let go of control and trust that others will not use our vulnerabilities against us. It can be difficult to be honest and open about our struggles and weaknesses, especially in a world that often values strength and independence above all else. This can be terrifying because it makes us feel exposed and open to judgment, but it can also be incredibly empowering.

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. ~ Brene Brown

By being vulnerable, we are being authentic and honest and therefore we can create deeper connections with others. We acknowledge our emotions and our limitations, we become more resilient in the face of challenges, and learn to be more compassionate to ourselves.

So, the next time you feel afraid to be vulnerable, remember that it can actually be a source of strength and power. By embracing vulnerability, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, and we show others that it's okay to be imperfect too.

Through Vulnerability, we Alchemize our pain into a Superpower.

how to hack forgiveness

For over 10 years I have worked with a lot of people sharing their life stories with me. A lot of times people say what they are sharing is things they’ve never shared before, to anyone, ever. A couple patterns I notice about forgiveness is people wanting to forgive and being unable to, or jumping to forgiveness without being ready, or punishing themselves for not being able to forgive. This is common, but it’s something we need to unpack.

As humans we feel a full spectrum of emotions from sadness and anger, and jealousy to joy, happiness and ecstasy. For our time here and now as humans, all of these emotions are valid, as I’ve written about before in Emotions are like Puppies. You are allowed to feel anyway you want. If someone did something to you that is beyond forgiveness (which I have heard many stories where this could be the case) - it is okay to be unable to forgive them.

I know that might sound weird at first - but hear me out for a second. Forgiveness is amazing, it’s releasing, it burns the ties that bind, it’s incredible!

But!

Sometimes it takes time to fully achieve forgiveness and sometimes it is impossible to get there. If you punish yourself your whole life for being unable to forgive, you are suffering twice - once with the trauma and again torturing yourself for not being able to forgive; this is, of course, even worse for your mental and emotional well-being.

To get to true forgiveness, you have to feel ALL THE THINGS: the hatred, resentment, disgust, shame etc. because! jumping too quickly to forgiveness could be spiritually bypassing (i.e. ‘I need to forgive because I’m spiritual, woke, etc…’) or gaslighting yourself (i.e. ‘It wasn’t that bad, other people have it worse, I’m overreacting, etc.’)

Your feelings are valid. You don’t need to do anything. You are the main character in your own life.

It’s also possible if you jump too quickly to false forgiveness, later in life these unprocessed emotions like the unfelt anger, hatred and/or resentment could bubble up again when their effects are more intense. In my opinion, the reasons these emotions can be more intense than the initial ones is because they’ve become infected and irritated from being shut down and compartmentalized. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘what we resist, persists!’ In this case, falsely-forgiving emotions that have not properly gone through their entire life cycle (from birth to resolution) can become exaggerated and more aggressive from not being witnessed. We see the ill effects of this process when we witness projection - when we ‘project’ or overlay past hurts from past events on to current people in our current life.

So!

Here’s my secret hack to forgiveness*:

Instead of trying to forgive the other person for what they did to you - what if you forgave yourself for not being able to forgive the other person?

Interesting right?

In my mind, forgiveness works both ways. You can try and forgive the other person, but if that doesn’t work, why not switch the direction of the forgiveness. Maybe try this on and practice some self compassion and self mercy?

What does it feel like to forgive yourself for not being able to forgive?

What if you chose yourself first?

*Disclaimer: you do not have to agree :) this blog is written with the same philosophy of trying on a T-shirt - if it fits, great; if it doesn’t, take it off and try a new one ;)

emotions are like puppies

Emotions are like puppies. They all want to be loved and held and cuddled. They are also all worthy of love and cuddles.

In my perspective there is NO SUCH THING as a bad emotion. Anger and sadness deserve as much love and affection as joy and ecstasy. Joy and ecstasy are easy to love because they feel good! Anger and sadness may be harder to love, but they have more to teach us.

Anger Protects

I believe that Anger is a Protector Emotion. Have you ever felt sad or powerless for so long that finally Anger came to protect you? To light a fire under your ass, to initiate and instigate you? To pick you up and out of sadness and depression and throw you into action?

In some schools of thought Anger can live in and around the Solar Plexus Chakra which has to do with our drive, determination, will and ego. It makes sense that Anger can be instigating! It’s literally pushing us forward into our destiny. Ego is not necessarily a bad thing as it’s purpose is to protect the Inner Child. It can be seen as negative if it runs our life without us knowing.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. ~ Dr. Carl Jung

There is no such thing as a bad emotion

Sometimes as children we are taught there are ‘bad’ emotions but this is a lie. When a child is angry or reactive this can mean a boundary is crossed. Sometimes children do not feel comfortable hugging family friends because they can feel like strangers (if there is a lot of time between visits). Parents, sometimes embarrassed by this, will override the child’s boundaries. This can teach a child at young age that their bodies are not their own and they have no bodily autonomy. Obviously this is problematic at the time and later in life when children grow to pre-teens and young adults. If their voices and boundaries didn’t matter then, why would they matter now?

Sometimes parents do not like when children say “no,” as it’s seen as an act of defiance; but it can also be a child setting a boundary. When parents deny a child setting healthy boundaries it strips them of many things. Let’s dive deeper down this rabbit hole: a classmate wants something they have, do they say no? An older person wants to touch them inappropriately, can they say no? Someone hurts them, do they tell? How can they with no voice, no boundaries and no bodily autonomy?

all emotions are valid

Sometimes in childhood when we’re joyful the volume of our voice increases and a parent or peer shushes us and tells us we are “too loud.” This is around the time we learn that our joy isn’t welcome which can cause us to emotionally shut down and physically tighten around the diaphragm. This tightening can cause shallow breathing and a low vagal tone. ‘Vagal tone is a measure of cardiovascular function that facilitates adaptive responses to environmental challenge. Low vagal tone is associated with poor emotional and attentional regulation in children and has been conceptualized as a marker of sensitivity to stress.’

All emotions are valid and the whole point of an emotion is expression. Dr. Candace Pert writes in Molecules of Emotion that an emotion’s full lifespan is a matter of seconds. It begins, climaxes (if allowed) and then resolves itself. By fully experiencing our joy / sadness / anger / ecstasy we are allowing the full expression and complete lifecycle of that emotion.

the only bad emotion is a stuck one

There are many schools of thought on this: Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) believes that certain emotions will cause certain meridians and chakras to become discoherent and/or stagnant; by using herbs and acupuncture you can clear congestion and bring about wellness or ‘balance.’ Grief can sit in the lungs, frustration in the gallbladder, anger in the liver, overthinking in the stomach / spleen, emotional and mental digestion in the stomach / intestines and so on. In my experience, the only ‘bad’ emotion is a stuck one, as stuck emotions can cause physical ailments.

When I went through my healing crisis around 20 years old I was only able to fully heal my physical body by also balancing my mind and emotions. I talk about this often as this is when I came to realize that ‘healing’ comes from integrating the mind, body and soul as they are all interrelated; this is also when I dove much deeper into holistic healing, TCM and Ayurvedic medicine.

Later in life during my Saturn Return (Dark Night of the Soul) I was able to use and benefit from what I had already learned to help heal my 27 year old body from shingles. Shingles generally lasts for 3 months and is super painful as it affects the nerves, mine manifested in my face and neck. Luckily, I only suffered with shingles for a week because I came at it from an emotional and mental perspective, as well as treating it physically.

If you ever need another guide on relating emotions to physical illnesses, Dr. Louise Hay has compiled a list you can find here.

emotions are like puppies

And finally, emotions are like puppies. YOUR puppies. Joy and ecstasy are your adorable clean fluffy puppies and anger and sadness are your adorable fluffy puppies that accidentally got covered in mud. The important truth is that they are the same and they are yours. Your fluffy clean puppies come to you for love and you pick them up and hug them easily without hesitation because they’re clean.

Your silly adorable puppies that fell in mud cannot get the mud off themselves, so they are coming to you for help. They need your love, acceptance, and require more time and patience then your other puppies to remove the mud. Once you remove the mud you see the truth - that they are just as deserving and worthy of your love.

This is the same for your emotions, they are all valid and they deserve acceptance. In accepting your emotions and loving them for who they are and what they’re teaching you reduce resistance, you quicken the healing process, and integrate the lesson quicker.

Healing is not fixing the parts of you that are ‘broken’ - healing is loving all parts of yourself anyways <3

---

I dedicate this blog to my adorable fluffy Toby (pictured) when he got sprayed by a skunk twice - in the same week - during the winter - at night - after I had showered and was cozy in bed about to fall asleep :p

Furever Toby <3

paradigm shifts

When clients write to me for a session some of them say 1. I have a lot of trauma to work through and I want to get better and others say 2. I don’t have a lot of trauma, but I still want to get better. My response is always - “trauma” is relative - what is traumatizing to me might not be for you and vice versa. So, there is no need to judge what you perceive as trauma. If something happened to you and it bothered you, but someone else ‘went through something much worse,’ it’s still okay to not be okay with what you went through!

Spiritual bypassing is a term used to define when one’s belief system allows them to ignore or avoid personal issues or facing certain things. For example, if something particularly traumatizing happened to them, instead of processing with friends, working it out, journaling, crying, getting therapy, getting angry (all healthy reactions) they ‘jump’ straight to forgiveness. Now, of course forgiveness is a great thing, HOWEVER, you are a human being with complex thoughts and emotions and it is only natural to go through an entire process to e v e n t u a l l y arrive at forgiveness. Remember it is okay to not be okay, don’t gaslight (lie to) yourself by pretending to be okay when you’re not. That only hurts you in the long run because it delays the healing process.

I try not to speak in absolutes, but I do believe in order to heal something, you must feel it. Feeling pain, talking about your pain, accepting your pain and your process helps the pain to be witnessed and seen. In that exchange of witnessing and surrendering to what you’re experiencing in the present can help it evolve and change. Like the book written by Paulo Coelho, we ARE the Alchemist, turning the things that have happened to us into gold for others. Sometimes I wonder if the ‘bad things’ that happened to me were actually FOR ME - transforming me into a talented tuner!

It is in dialogue with pain that many beautiful things acquire their value. ~ Alain de Bottom

In Biofield Tuning we have a term called “puddling.” Puddling is when we completely and unabashedly allow ourselves to break down, withholding judgement. I remember one time I was supposed to pick up Eileen at the San Diego airport but my boyfriend and I had just broken up and I was in the middle of a good puddle session; I told her what was going on and she excitedly said “Puddle Away!” and I did.

I allowed myself to fully feel the darkness and sadness of what I was experiencing, without shaming myself or my compartmentalizing my emotions and shoving my feelings down. Because of this I was able to go through my process faster, heal quicker and feel more grounded only after a couple weeks - rather than several months! People talk about rock bottom like it’s a bad thing - but I believe that falling without end is worse. Rock bottom is when you finally stop and have an opportunity to stand up again.

In reference to what I find in the field - I prefer to call these situations Paradigm Shifts. They’re not necessarily traumas and it seems incorrect to call them that. Sometimes in childhood I find the birth of a sibling, or in the teenage years perhaps there was a move of houses, schools or even a parent getting a new job. These are not traumas if you enjoyed all of these events! However! They are Paradigm Shifts - life was one way, linear, and now everything moving forward is completely different than it was the day before. Paradigm Shifts are neither good nor bad, they just are.

Because of the self-help work I’ve done on myself since my teenage years, my understanding of the biofield and emotions, and my perspective of the world, when something goes wrong I like to think it happened “in order to strengthen the plot,” of my story. This is to acknowledge what has happened and to also bring some sarcasm and levity to the situation. If you’ve had sessions with me you know I like to invite humor in! I agree that laughter is (one of) the best medicine(s)!

It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
When it comes to dying even. Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.
No rhetoric, no tremolos, no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling, on tiptoes and no luggage, not even a sponge bag, completely unencumbered.”
~ Aldous Huxley

Healing isn’t about fixing everything that is wrong with you, it’s about accepting and loving yourself anyways. Regardless of what you went through, regardless of how you handled it, what matters is …

have you grown through what you’ve gone through.

Falling into the Trap of Productivity

…is a trap I know too well! “I am only worth something if I produce something,” “I haven’t done anything lately,” “I am so lazy, worthless…” “My friends will only like me if I show up for them constantly.” blah blah blah

YOU are a divine human BEING, not a human doing. You are allowed days of rest, days in bed, and especially skipping days of work or cancelling clients if you are not feeling up to it! Your chores and work is always waiting for you - but that special moment, concert, sunset, festival, travel option might not appear again. The more you show up for yourself, the more you have room in your heart to show up for others!! Do not give from an empty cup!

For me, the New Moon in Capricorn that we experienced a few weeks ago, brought up a lot of vulnerability, old feelings of not feeling worthy, overexposed, overwhelmed, and not feeling like I was doing / producing enough. For example - my goal this year was to try and create newsletters every month, but what I came to realize was I can only write and send newsletters when they feel 100% authentic. I can only pour out my complete and raw truth, and if I don’t have anything to share in that moment, it feels fake and false to send something that is not 100% from my heart and soul. I shared these sentiments with some friends a few weeks ago they sighed loudly with their hands over their hearts saying “THANK YOU! I have felt this exact same way for weeks!!”

Lately, in my sessions, I have noticed that I have been tuning a lot of right shoulders / heart - boundaries, left hips - unmet needs, and high hearts - your wings & feeling free to be yourself, to express yourself, to be seen… You are allowed to be seen for exactly who you are - a perfectly imperfect being who is doing their best.

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. ~ Augusten Burroughs

I’ve talked about this to my clients, and to be honest I’ve had to have this talk with myself… follow me on this thought experiment: the fact that we’re here, living and breathing on this beautiful planet with this incredible nature and amazing sunsets and fantastic friends - is ridiculous and impossible.

How can this be? We happen to be born on this amazing rock floating through this vast space with other magical celestial bodies; the rock that we’re travelling on happens to have the perfect ratio of oxygen for us to breath, the most excellent amount of water for us to swim and even different temperatures for all needs?! We all have a favorite animal, color, crystal and flower from this rock. We all remember a perfect sunset, an epic day and a lover or friend who changed our lives forever. The possibility of having all of this good luck in a ‘vacuum’ seems to me, very low. And yet, here we are, having belly laughs that are so great and boisterous that they hurt, seeing something so beautiful that we cry, experiencing something that moves in such a way it changes our lives forever.

In my thought-experiment-opinion - none of us should be here, yet we are. None of us should be so lucky, but we are.

SO…

What if… because none of those things are probable or possible, and yet they are our reality… What if … anything is possible? What if everything is possible?

:)

So relax into being and relax into breathing. Breathe into being and breathe into relaxing.

Allow your mind to fill your body with consciousness, awareness, presence and peace - allowing for space and expansion in the vastness of yourself.

You are exactly where you should be, having the experience you are having in order for your soul’s next greatest evolution. You are home and you belong here.

<3 <3 <3

The Dark Night of the Soul

What is the Dark Night of the Soul?

The Dark Night of the Soul generally refers to a period in your life around 27-30 years old (and around 55 ish and 86ish) when Saturn returns to it’s natal placement in your astrological chart. It takes this long because of how far away Saturn is from the sun. Saturn is known as the strict disciplinarian of the zodiac, so when Saturn returns back to his original placement in your natal chart - he’s checking up on you. He wants to know if you’re living the life you’re supposed to - if yes, then great, your Saturn Return will be easy, but if not, you will experience Saturn’s wrath (for your own good) through the Dark Night of the Soul.

The Dark Night of the Soul is when Saturn returns only to witness you not living your life in alignment with your path of who you are and why you came. He will shake you emotionally, physically, emotionally and spiritually until you have no choice but to let go of everything that you’ve been holding onto, in order to make room for your soul’s purpose, your true life path, your destiny.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

Before I go into my story, please note that what happened to me is mine, not yours :) I am not saying our Dark Night of the Soul will be the same as we are on our own unique path :)

My Dark Night of the Soul (trigger warning: SA)

My Dark Night of the Soul started around 27 years old. I remember it clearly because of how traumatizing it was (*laughs in hindsight). I had never experienced such intense anxiety in my entire life; depression - yes, but constant panic attacks - no. At the time I was living in California and working a lot - around 40-50+ hours at my subtle energy laboratory job, I was going through Yoga Teacher Training at Corepower, and I was learning Pranic Healing and Biofield Tuning all at the same time. It was a time of great mental expansion, busyness but complete overwhelm and emotional exhaustion.

I was unhappy with my job. Even though the job itself was amazing, there was a lot going on in the background that made me very uncomfortable. I was tired, and between the panic attacks and having trouble sleeping, I kept feeling this constant ‘doom’ on the horizon. I was afraid for the future because I knew I was not showing up for myself, and I knew enough to know that meant trouble. At this moment in my life I was also trying to be raw vegan / vegetarian, which is the opposite of what I should eat based on my Ayurvedic Dosha (Vata) but I did not have this wisdom until later.

There was a very specific chronology of what began to unfold. At the time, on top of everything I was learning, I was also trying to date - because as a Vata, ADHD person, why NOT try to do everything, all at once! I met a man I was interested in, he was very intelligent, charming, and in alignment with my career path. I thought I could trust him, but this was a lie and I was eventually was raped by him.

A few nights later, San Diego was experiencing one of the heaviest thunder, lightening and rainstorms we had in a very long time. I love thunder, lightening and rain so I decided to take a yoga class and stretch while the sky was expressing itself. As I left the studio there were two beautiful golden retrievers that had been left by their (irresponsible) owner to suffer in the storm. Unfortunately, these gorgeous doggos had been outside for at least an hour so they were very scared and super anxious. I could feel their stress in my own body, but I had to walk past them to get to my car, so as I walked by I put my hand up separating them from my body, and one of them jumped up and bit my hand.

When the he bit me, it felt like it hit a nerve and shot all the way up my arm, through my shoulder and into my neck (C1) and the word BETRAYAL screamed loudly in my mind. It wasn’t a bad bite, but because I had just come from a hot yoga class my hand started bleeding everywhere. I went back inside and cleaned off in the sink. Everyone in the yoga studio was super concerned but to me, it wasn’t THAT big of a deal. It wasn’t a bad bite, the dogs were scared because their dad abandoned them in the thunder and rain outside, and they were sharing a message. I shared their message with the owner and went home.

Reflecting on this event later in the evening, the word BETRAYAL resonated so deeply with me, being that I had just undergone an intense betrayal and so had the dogs; we resonated at these nodes and (in my mind) that’s why they felt safe to share this message with me.

A few days later I was in a Biofield Tuning class with Eileen playing with my hair (it helps me focus) and I touched the back of my head... When I tell you the lymph nodes on the bottom back of my head were the size of tennis balls I mean it. I was absolutely terrified. Not wanting to interrupt class and alarm the other students I waited to talk to Eileen and have her assess my head. I had already shared the recent events with her so together we were solving the puzzle as to why this happened and what this was.

My mind was very activate with fear - because I had gotten bit by an animal, a small part of me was afraid it was rabies and I counted that I had 7 days left to live (as rabies in humans is fatal). I also knew that the SA had something to do with it, which deepened my fear. Even though I perceive physical ailments the result of emotional / mental / spiritual things suddenly for the first time in a long time, my body didn’t feel safe, and that was terrifying.

I called my friend Tiffany Barsotti who is my spiritual counselor, medical medium, one of my best friends and the most in-tune people I’ve ever met in my life. I told her everything and over the phone, she tapped into my body and felt “shingles.” I told her there was no way, as I was young - and wasn’t shingles an old person’s disease??

A few days later I went to my Naturopath and got a blood test and, low and behold, Tiffany was right- it was shingles. A little patch had started to form in my neck, and then the pain in my shoulder, neck and face began. The pain was one of the worse pains I’ve ever had in my life, every time I spoke, yawned, sneezed or moved there would be a sharp pain from my shoulder that radiated electrically all the way up into the entire side of my face. It felt like someone was taking a cleaver to my nerve endings. It was awful.

The Naturopath I trusted put me on homeopathic remedies, natural topical pain-relief creams and for the next two weeks I smoked a lot of weed, rested, journaled, meditated, and reflected. I learned that shingles, according to Dr. Louise Hay means, “waiting for the other shoe to drop. Fear and tension, too sensitive.” This resonated deeply with me as I knew I wasn’t living my true path and that I was being called away to a different life but I wasn’t listening.

Saturn was shaking me by the shoulders, and in my weakened state I was finally listening. Saturn had made me let go of everything that I was holding (yoga, work, social life, school) so I could finally hear the song of my soul. I thought about the first trauma, perhaps too easily trusting and lack of boundaries (not victim blaming or gaslighting myself, just considering a different maneuver in the future). I thought about the second trauma with the dog yelling BETRAYAL with that shockwave going up my arm: was I betraying myself? My truth? My path? I thought about the shingles - waiting for the other shoe to drop… If I didn’t leave this life that was no longer serving me, while this other life was pulling my hair, screaming at me to do so, what else was my physical body going to have to go through?

I healed surprisingly fast, or maybe not so surprisingly as all my friends in California are healers of different kinds; they cooked me food, they let me use their energy healing devices, they did distance sessions on me and I was able to heal myself by getting to the root of why this happened in in the first place.

After completely surrendering to this pain and to my Dark Night I was ready to live my most authentic life that was waiting for me on the other side; so I decided to leave my job and travel the world.

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. ~ Rumi

I started in Bali with my best friend Laura with no plan and I ended up traveling for 9 months. Through synchronicity I met my best friend David in Bali, with whom I adventured with throughout the entire island. I went to Borneo because as a child I was obsessed with Duck Tales (Duck Tales fans understand).

I went to India and worked the International Yoga Festival in Rishikesh and while living there I urban explored the Beatles Ashram (#lifegoal) and later found another best friend, Leah. Together, Leah and I went to one of the first Hindu temples for sunrise and the Taj Mahal together.

I left India for Nepal also by synchronicity (Read my Everest Blog here) and solo Hiked Mount Everest for my 30th birthday (#soulactivation) and fell in love in Pokhara, a lakeside village. After Nepal, I went to live in Ireland with Gillian, a best friend I had met through synchronicity on the plane to Nepal.

I traveled to Switzerland teaching Biofield Tuning and then to Spain with the other friends I made along the way (through synchronicity of course). I went cliff jumping and island hopping in Croatia, visited the small beaches of Bosnia Herzegovina and ate my way through Italy.

The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed. ~ Joseph Campbell

It was the most magical trip of my life and the best thing I’ve ever done for myself (besides doing Ayahuasca in Peru). Before I left, the only countries planned were Bali, Malaysia and India; the rest I left up to the universe. On this trip I lost myself, I found myself, I discovered and uncovered aspects of myself that I could only find by being alone with myself. I became braver, more curious, my intuition expanded, my heart and international family grew. The world became smaller and more friendly as I walked around it.

The moral of this story is - live your life the way YOU want to. No one else knows your path except you. If something is calling to you, it’s calling to you for a reason. If there is something that you’ve always wanted to do, do it! There is no time like the present.

Listen to your inner voice and follow your heart.

How to Prepare for Eclipses & Eclipse Seasons

Eclipses show up about every 18 months so to have two eclipse seasons - 4 eclipses - in one year is a rare event. (Although I feel like anytime I explain a celestial movement lately, it’s been a ‘rare event.’)

Our first Eclipse Season this year started on April 30th, 2022 when we experienced a partial Solar Eclipse in Taurus and then ended with a Full Moon Total Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio on May 16th, 2022. Remember what you were going through during this time. Look back at your journal or planner or voice recordings.

This has been a very intense year astrology speaking.

This August - October we had SIX planets in retrograde: Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. Mercury rules how we think and communicate. Jupiter how we expand, learn and grow. Saturn holds stricter lessons for us, how we work and what we produce. Uranus rules our imagination in a rebellious nature. Neptune rules how we dream and wonder. Pluto rules how we transform and are reborn.

If you were feeling very intense emotions and experiencing life just dissolve underneath you and then just as quickly expand around you, this is why.

Mercury was our first planet to go direct on October 2nd, but the shadow can last a several days to weeks later. The other planets will follow suit going direct from now until January 2023: Jupiter goes direct November 23rd. Saturn directs October 23rd. Uranus is direct January 22nd, 2023. Neptune directs December 3rd and finally Pluto goes direct October 8th.

Eclipse season shows us change is necessary.

Eclipse Season means chaos - and there are many astrological warnings to not begin anything new nor manifest. This is because Eclipse Season is highly transformational already. You are moving through a new ‘portal’ or ‘dimension’ of your life. This can mean things are already ending; you are shedding the skin of your past and blossoming into something new already. Thus, if you try and manifest during this time - the things you manifest might not be what you want after this cycle ends.

There is a Full Moon in Aries on October 9th - this ignites the firey activations inside of us that need to come out and be expressed (perhaps just to release them) while balancing the need to take care of ourselves - with the sun illuminating Libra.

On October 25th we have a New Moon Partial Solar Eclipse in Scorpio. Solar Eclipse energy is known to bring about destabilizing new beginnings. Scorpio, as we’ve spoken about before, rules the underworld aka death; but whereas death is transformation. Keywords are new beginnings, destruction (which leads to creation), and transformation. Think: KALI!

Total Lunar Full Moon Eclipse on November 8th in Taurus. A Total Lunar Eclipse has the power of THREE full moons!! The moon rules emotions and the subconscious as well. Full moons are time to release so get ready to purge the inner corners of your soul. Action: SELF CARE.

Then Eclipse Year that began this spring finally comes to a close…

sigh of relief

…And THEN - because this year’s intention was to pluck us up from our roots so that we let go of what we thought life would be, so the universe can lay out its plan for us - Mars goes retrograde in Gemini on October 30th. This is not ideal due to the fact that this placement can be very inflammatory. HOWEVER…. after your evolution through 6 retrogrades and the completion of a 4 eclipse year - you just might be prepared to handle whatever this Mars retrograde throws at you :)

How to Prepare for Eclipses & Eclipse Season

Things you can do for this Full moontime & Eclipse Season:

• Clean: out your closet, your pantry, your house.

• Organize: your thoughts by journaling. I organize my very fast thoughts with voice memo’s on my phone :)

• Releasing / Purging: write things that you would like to release (old patterns old discomfort and tension) down on tiny pieces of paper and then burn them to softly release them away from you.

• Own your shit: repressing things doesn’t help anyone. Remember what we don’t like in other people is sometimes because it’s a wound reflected in ourselves. People are mirrors.

• Notice when you get triggered: Anger & frustration are great times to ask yourself “why is this visiting me right now,” “what does this emotion have to teach me?”

Pro tip to remember dreams: when you wake up don’t immediately move. The position you’re in can encapsulate the dream; so upon waking, stay as still as possible, grab your phone and do a voice recording.

Pro tip to lucid dream: look at your hands throughout the day as a symbol for when you dream. When dreaming, see if you can look at your hands and that will symbolize you ‘waking’ in the dream. Once awake in the dream, ask the dream characters where you are, and what time and day it is.

Eclipses are powerful times to learn more about yourself. Allow everything to be a teacher. Take this time to love yourself and be compassionate to yourself. Practice very gentle self care and alone time! Salt baths, journal, walks in woods with the tree canopy above your head!

Ego death

This blog was inspired by the ebb and flow of 2022’s double eclipse season, 6 planet retrograde autumn, a naturally occurring Mercury retrograde that shows up whenever you don’t need it to (joking joking) and a Mars in Gemini to make the end of 2022 extra spicy.

~

imposter syndrome

July 13th 2022 was the Full Moon in Capricorn, which, I don’t know about you guys, but gave me the BIGGEST imposter syndrome of my life! I was in the middle of transitioning homes again (as usual) and I couldn’t shake this feeling of unease and uncomfortability in my own skin.

“Who am I? What am I doing? Does BT still work? Does Sonic Soul Retrieval transcend the depths like I think it does? Am I kidding myself? How did I get this far in life when I feel like such a failure at 35? What’s next for me? Is there anything that could be greater than my life so far? Is it just a downward spiral from here?”

I was questioning the very fabric of my own existence.

Thanks to (and sometimes to the detriment of) my inner monologue - it reminded me what I was learning in a Shamanism course: healing is not fixing all the parts you don’t like about yourself - it’s finding love and acceptance for those parts too.

~ big deep breath ~

Remember - perfection is a myth.

For the earth signs about to disagree: it’s a myth. I promise. It’s one of the only things I can say with 100% certainty. Perfection argues there are no mistakes… and we all know that is not reality. Like, that is not anyone’s reality, anywhere on the planet!!

We also know that the present moment is a gift and that’s why it’s called the present. Our future blossoms from our RIGHT NOW.

So.

What we can do RIGHT NOW?

Can you find patience, compassion and forgiveness for yourself? Can you return to your breath and find comfort in the discomfort?

Can you be okay with not being okay?

Sometimes all I can do is walk in nature, with the tree canopy over my head; and oftentimes that’s all it takes for me to come back to myself. Even if my head doesn’t make sense, nature always makes sense.

In other words, imposter syndrome is just another part of ourselves that we need to embrace and love, rather than reject and suppress. By acknowledging our imposter syndrome and accepting it as a natural part of our journey, we can move beyond its limitations and tap into our true potential. We can recognize that everyone feels this way!

The July 27th 2022 New Moon in Leo gave me hope and energy and optimism to write out what I wanted for the future. It breathed the light back into my Solar Plexus and blew the embers back into my Soul to spark the new-beginnings-energy of this moon. This moon whispered an Ayahuasca Ceremony toward me in order to root my intentions in all dimensions of myself. Getting clear with my intentions and making those intentions known to all corners of the multiverse.

ego* death

I have found (and many others too) that when you embark on an Ayahuasca ceremony you have what is known as an “ego death.” This means less of ME and more of WE, we start to be less concerned with the Avatar or the ‘self’ and become more concerned with All, or the Soul, or the ‘Self.’ When the ego dissolves, it makes way for a deeper awareness of the interconnectedness of all things. Ayahuasca allows all the extra stuff that we’ve layered on throughout life to be peeled away to get back to our chocolate-y nougat-y center.

What is you vs what your parents told you? Are you leading or are you following? What are your knee jerk reactions vs the ones you’ve been taught? Are you living your best life or are you afraid of your own light? What are your stories vs the ones you’ve been told? Through this process we are free to rewrite old stories and create new ones, based on our authentic experiences and inner truth.

To achieve ego death, we must be willing to confront our fears, doubts, and insecurities, in order to be open to the possibility of radical transformation.

'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid? '

'That is the only time a man can be brave.’ ~ Ned Stark

Ultimately, the experience of ego death and working through imposter syndrome can be so liberating!! It allows us to live more fully and authentically, with a greater sense of connection to ourselves, others, and the world around us. By embracing these processes, we can access our innermost truths, deepen our integrity, connect to our truth and live in alignment with our highest potential :)

Remember: You are made of divinity embodied stardust and you deserve to be here.

* Disclaimer - the ego is not necessarily a bad thing. Think of it as an angsty teen protecting the inner child. Wanting to ‘rid yourself of the ego’ is, of course, completely egoic! ‘Ego Death’ refers to the dissolution of what you identify as yourself during special circumstances i.e. plant medicine or intense spiritual awakenings.

Why wander?

I was forced to wander, to travel, to seek out new places,

for it was the only thing I truly believed in—the only thing that truly believed in me.

~ Roman Payne

I move and I move often.

I grew up in Michigan near the Great Lakes and spent most of my childhood playing in the woods behind my house and summers camping under the stars over the bridge to Canada.

I count myself lucky growing up near the Great Lakes as they’re like oceans - you can’t see the other side, and the other side is another country.

Every summer I would sit on the sand dunes of the Pinery Provincial Park in Ontario, Canada watching the sunset over the water knowing Michigan was on the other side. This vast body of water (Lake Huron) created such a curiosity in me, always wanting to know and discover what was on the edge of the horizon… and beyond. This allowed my imagination to wander and my desire for travel to expand.

The world is big and I want to have a good look at it before it gets dark. ~ John Muir

My sense of adventure increased when I turned 16 and bought myself a car. My best friend Mariya and I would drive as far as we could for as long as we could. This ended with random weekends in the Upper Penninsula (or “UP” as Michiganders call it), during high school we partied with kids hours away rather than with the local kids.

For college I moved to Grand Rapids because I fell in love with the Grand Valley Campus in Allendale, Michigan. It came complete with a huge river, meadows, sprawling forests, ravines for days and sunsets on Lake Michigan.

After graduating I stayed in Michigan for a while and then followed my first dream to move to Florida. I loved my job that drew me there, and the lightening storms are still some of the best I’ve ever seen but couldn’t say the same for the vibe! One night I had a dream I left Florida, so I did.

San Diego came next bringing with it a better job, immaculate vibes, longer hikes, taller topography, mountains for the first time. Learning how to surf, starting my Masters degree, taking my Yoga Teacher Training, getting certified in so many energy healing modalities and realizing how naturally gifted I was in these methods.

California inspired me and I stayed there much longer than I intended. California was my homebase that I left often and returned to just as often.

From California I started my intense international solo traveling - first to Peru then to Southeast Asia where I lived there for 3 months wandering throughout Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos. Southeast Asia is still my absolute favorite area of the world and I will always return there - Vietnam has my heart forever and I’ve written about my time in Vietnam here, here and here. Laos here, Cambodia here and Thailand here and here.

Being able to live in both places made my heart happy and settled my soul. One year I left for 9 months with no intention of when I would be returning and spent most of these months living in Bali, India, Nepal and Ireland.

Coming back to California for summer in 2019 I ended up falling in love at Burning Man and moved to Flagstaff, Arizona in January 2020. This date still makes me laugh because I moved right before covid. January and February were spent in South Africa and by the time I had returned stateside it was the season of the coronavirus.

Luckily for me, my boyfriend at the time had a dog named Toby who ended up becoming my 7 out of 11 horcruxes to my soul and so my time alone in Flagstaff with no friends (only for the first few months) was eased by my good boy.

When Toby crossed the rainbow bridge in January 2022 I decided it was time to move again, this time to Costa Rica. After living in the high desert for 2 years I was ready for a lush rainforest landscape. I had never been to Costa Rica before (but I did love my time spent in Guatemala!) but I have always liked to jump in headfirst into things and learn on the way down, it’s more fun, spontaneous and is more authentic to my soul. Costa Rica was beautiful, I spent my time going on road trips with friends exploring the country.

Because I wander as the wind wills and always follow the whispers of my heart, Costa Rica naturally and organically came to an end in October of 2022 and that’s when my soul led me to Puerto Rico, where I lived until 2024. I strongly believe that when one door closes a window might open and something even more incredible could happen if you allow the universe to dream for you.

I have always wanted to see as much of the world as I can, for as long as I can, as I can remember. To me, it’s always seemed like such a blessing we were born on this incredible planet with its tall forests, deep oceans, epic sunrises, stunning sunsets and magical mountains.

Traveling has always been my version of self care, and if you’ve had sessions with me you know I recommend traveling to find yourself or even to lose yourself! If you’ve been my student then you know about my Intuition Game I accidentally invented while in high school - using intuition as a mode of travel to deepen your trust in yourself.

Traveling has made me a better person as when I was in desperate need, there was always a stranger willing to help me. If I was stuck on the side of the road with absolutely no hope of getting home, someone always came by and offered help. I call these strangers ‘travel angels’ (borrowed from my dad) as they all showed up at the perfect time and helped me purely out of the goodness of their hearts. I pick up hitchhikers because there was a time that I was one; I am patient with others learning my language because others allowed me patience when I was learning theirs. I help others as much as I can because there was always someone magically appearing to help me.

Traveling teaches you the only constant is chaos and once you jump in and allow yourself to enjoy the ride, rather than trying to control it, things can come together better than your wildest dreams and deepest yearnings.

My favorite story about going with the flow and allowing the universe to dream for you is how I accidentally hiked to Mount Everest Base Camp: I was living in Rishikesh, India and had just realized my 3 month visa was about to expire. My new best friends had intentions of traveling throughout India together so I had to go “next door” to get a new visa. Once I realized the country “next door” was Nepal I knew I had to hike to Mount Everest Base Camp with every ounce of my being. With absolutely no training or knowledge of the hike prior to this realization, I was ready and hiking to Mount Everest Base Camp in 3 weeks time - checking off my #1 must-do experience for my 30th birthday!

Traveling has opened my eyes, widened my horizons and expanded my heart. When you travel, your family grows as they are located all over the world, you care more about international affairs, natural disasters and relief efforts in other countries because it dissolves the boundaries between “them” and “us.”

Travel teaches us there is only “we.”

Crystals - a how to guide

I love crystals. And honestly, who doesn’t? Who can deny the absolute awesomeness of an insanely colorful, completely natural, divinely manifested and moleculed, stunning shimmery organic compound that houses a crystalline consciousness?

Crystals, along with rainbows, shooting stars and love, show us every day that the world is a magical place.

Since I was a child I was mesmerized by the crystals in my family home. My dad had crystals on all of our shelves and countertops, crystals hanging from the ceiling in the corners of rooms, crystals in the window that would playfully cast rainbows on the opposite walls when they caught the sun. His best friend’s gift to me when I was born was a beautiful quartz crystal. I have been surrounded by crystals my entire life. Literally. 

On family vacations after I was done running or swimming off all of my energy I could be found strolling the beaches of the Great Lakes, neck bent and head down looking for the ~ perfect stones ~  to take home with me to adorn my dresser to remind me of summer, or vacation, or a just a time away from normal life. 

To this day one of my favorite gifts to give is rocks or stones from my wanderings around the world. Several best friends boast rocks from Ireland, shells from Bali and the isolated beaches of Vietnam, and even rocks from my trip to Mount Everest Base Camp :)

Rocks, stones, shells; things from the mineral kingdom have always held a special place in my heart and they continue to do so. But now the mineral kingdom and I work together for a larger purpose and vision.

I have studied the metaphysical and healing properties of crystals since childhood. I have always intuitively understood them and later in life I studied with a Crystal Gridding mentor and was Certified in Crystal Healing in 2015. I use Crystal Grids in all of my sessions. Honoring the Mineral Kingdom and welcoming them into a session is an amazing way to help unstick you, unsabotage you, expand you and ground you.

Crystals have been used for many different purposes for thousands (if not millions) of years. Crystals amplify energy, which is why today they’re used in clocks and computers. However, I’m not here to convince you of this truth. If you’re here reading this, you’re here to learn how to select and clean your crystals and what crystals to use and why :)

First things first, how do you select a crystal?

I find the most important thing when it comes to finding a crystal is finding it in-person. I know this can be kind of annoying with the convenience of the internet. Of course, this can be done at a distance, like all things, but in this case it is my personal preference to find a crystal in-person. This is a sacred ritual, because you are not so much choosing the stone, as the stone is choosing you. 

In-person is also important in the way you feel the crystal.

I’ll share with you my process: after finding the local crystal shop, I find a shelf or area of crystals that I feel drawn to. This can be through my eyes (sight) or by how they feel inside my body/ heart (intention). I stand near this area, close my eyes, rub my hands together and ask “which one of you wants to come home with me,” (you can totally say something else, but this is what I say!)

After rubbing my hands together I scan over the shelf with my left hand, palm facing down. This is because the left hand is the receiving hand. As I slowly scan, I wait for what feels like a *ping!* on the palm of my left hand, open my eyes and I’m looking at my new crystalline friend.

If you’re only looking for one and you find there are several crystals under your palm at this point you can take them aside, separate them and do this process again.

Awesome, now I have my crystal, now what?

Great question! Now you need to clean it!

Once bringing my new friend home I smudge them using Palo Santo or sage (depending on how you’ve locally and ethically sourced that item) clean them off with the smoke. 

You can also clean your crystal with soap and water OR salt water - important exceptions for water cleanses are: selenite, labradorite, tourmaline, kyanite, lapis and opal.

If you are an energy or sound healer you can use your modality - sound, vibration, tuning forks, crystal bowls, 528 frequency, your voice etc.

You can use your intention, meditation and the breath.

You can bury your crystals and allow the earth’s negative ions and the mineral kingdom to wash them clean.

If you have a large stone that has a geode formation and large opening you can clean your new crystals using your other crystals! I have a beautiful hollowed amethyst that cleanses my rings and other gemstone jewelry. Kyanite (listed below) is also the crystal-cleanser-of-crystals!

You can leave them in your windowsill and allow them to be cleansed by sunlight and moonlight. 

Great, and then….?

Now, we ENERGIZE them!

So your new friends are almost ready to go! Oftentimes, the method you used to clean the crystal can also charge them - with the exception of cleansing them with soap/salt water. I like to energize my crystals with the light of the next full moon, now if I’m being fair, this may be my Sun in Cancer talking, but I feel like the moon has a special relationship with crystals and that is my initial energy boost! 

I also energize my stones with the power of sound. Sound is Sacred.

Crystal bowls, Tibetan bowls, digeridoos, Koshi Chimes, the music of thunder and rain, or the sound of monks chanting Om. Sound is incredibly powerful and gives rise to form. In the last few years we’ve been able to see the shape of sound visualized via the images of cymatics which is awe-inspiring.

Which ones are the best* and/or your favorite?

If you're just beginning your journey into crystals I recommend getting "The Crystal Bible" or a similar reference-style book. This will have a comprehensive list of all crystals. Here I will share my favorite ones.

I use crystals in my work to amplify the frequency of the intention I am sending or what specific tone I happen to be using. Metaphysically, all crystals have specific properties that can help accentuate a quality, help a problem and/or bring about a solution.

Most of these stones I take with me wherever I go, and have them in several different sizes or jewelry to make them easily portable.

It’s impossible for me to have one “favorite” stone: so listed below are [most] of my favorite stones.

*contains opinions :)

Amethyst - connects you to the outer realms of magic and mystery. It opens up your higher chakras and allows your psychic abilities to strengthen. It helps balance mind, body and soul and activates your spiritual awareness. Can promote serenity and calmness. Can assist in enlightenment. It can also help dissolve surrounding negative energies. I love using Amethyst, Citrine and Rose Quartz together.

Angel Phantom or Amphibole Quartz - is called this because the crystal can contain phantoms or tiny rainbows that are considered conscious / angels / spirit guides. Angel Phantom helps to connect you to the angelic realm and helps in meditation and channeling, and like amethyst, it helps with receiving divine guidance from above. Helps connect you with spirit guides, with lucid dreaming and astral travel. It helps amplify the power of other stones.

Citrine - just embodies the feeling of happiness. Citrine is generally used for the solar plexus although I use it on other chakras. It helps with creativity, strength, success, increasing energy, optimism and joy. It can increase confidence and help you reclaim your your personal power. Citrine reminds of the quote from Lord of the Rings: “I give you the light of Eärendil, our most beloved star. May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”

Labradorite - like amethyst, I often wear this stone, as well as using it in my healing spaces. Labradorite looks how the Aurora Borealis feels. Labradorite is a shaman’s stone in the way that it protects you, activates you and allows you to transform by unlocking your true power. It is said that it was born of cosmic energy and helps you transcend your blockages by letting things rest and becoming who we were meant to be. I love wearing Labradorite and Moonstone together.

Lemurian crystals - are different from normal quartz crystals. The Lemurian crystal will have striations on one or more sides - this is said to be similar technology to a barcode - if you hold it right and tap into it correctly - you can download the information that it holds. The reason I like to use them is because it holds all the information of all crystals in the world - so if you're traveling and want to use citrine, but all you have is your Lemurian crystal, you can tap in and summon the energy of citrine through your Lemurian crystal. For more fun, google the ancient land of Lemuria.

Kyanite - the stone that cleans all other stones because it does not absorb negative energies. I have tiny pieces of kyanite that act as my cleansers in between moon phases. Kyanite balances us, removes blockages in our body and from our path. Kyanite protects, shields, and unfucks your life.

Moldavite - is an extraterrestrial stone, that many believe have come to us at this time to help us transcend into the next vibration or phase or dimension. I touched Moldavite at a music festival once and my body wouldn’t stop vibrating for hours. It is extremely powerful and very grounding, yet expanding and because of its cosmic otherworldy nature can assist in connection to higher dimensions. It helps with spiritual awakening and transformation. I like using Moldavite in my clients’ Merkaba. Moldavite and Nuummite work well together.

Moonstone - is another stone I wear daily. I love using Moonstone with Labradorite as they are sister stones. As a Cancerian woman I am ruled by the moon, and I find Moonstone (and Labradorite) are the stones I am most consistently attracted too. Moonstone holds and stewards moonlight, it helps with clarity, connection to the moon and thus your phases and feminine, wild creative side. It helps soften and assist spiritual awakening and increases sensitivity to psychic abilities. Moonstone helps with dreaming and also is a stone of protection.

Nuummite - is very grounding and cleansing but also connects to higher realms. It is very ancient and carries with it deep earth wisdom. It helps with past lives, dreams, Akashic Records, and psychic abilities. It can connect you with your spirit guides. Nuummite is a powerful amulet that can shield from dark energies and also cleanse the field from dark energies, negative energies and thought forms.

Obsidian - is a classic cleansing stone! I use Obsidian and Selenite together - one white, one black resulting in total harmony. Obsidian cleanses the field from dark energies, and protects you by absorbing negative energies and it is very grounding. It can dissolve old ways of being, old thought forms and attachments. Obsidian keeps your (third) eye open and you aware of your surroundings. It can help you see truth.

Preseli bluestone - is the only stone I’ve ever owned that came with an actual warning. I got my Preseli bluestone from it’s native land - in the stone circles in Ashbury, England. It has a strong connection to the heart and it is advised to use it sparingly at first while you become acquainted with it’s strength. It is known as the Merlin Stone. It helps with past life regression and clearing the old versions of you in this life so that you may move on unencumbered.

Rose Quartz - the gentle and compassionate healer stone. Rose Quartz is very powerful healing stone but because it’s wisdom teaches gentleness it can be used with any very powerful stone to allow the receiver to receive without becoming overwhelmed. It heals emotional wounding and promotes love, and connecting to oneself and one’s heart. Enhances inner peace. Helps you align with yourself and your soul purpose.

Rutilated Quartz - helps enhance your intuition, it promotes self trust. It connects to higher angelic realms and dimensions. It is a conductor of energy, helps in channeling and amplifies energy. It resonates and balances all 7 chakras. It helps you see truth and increases spiritual healing and guidance. It can be used to magnify the power of other stones. Rutiliated Quartz is a Sorcerer’s stone.

Selenite -  the classic cleansing stone. I always have one in my healing space. It absorbs, cleanses and dissolves negative energy. I like using Selenite with Obsidian. I have several sticks of Selenite including a Selenite dagger to remove attachments and thought forms. Selenite is a purifier, helps with rejuvenation and, like moonstone, contains divine feminine energy. It helps to connect to angelic realms and teaches us that there is power in softness.

Shunguite - literally has antioxidants in it. I keep my Shunguite Pyramid in my shower to access its water purification abilities. Because it has antioxidants in it, it is thought to have antinflammatory properties. It can activate all 7 chakras. It cleanses and guards against all negatives energies including EMF’s. It’s a stone of protection.

if you have any questions regarding crystals please just let me know! I’d love to help you find your new friend :)

Returning Your Sparkle, Your Childlike Essence

begin at the beginning… and go on ~ Lewis Carroll

It is never too late to start over and to try something new. The bravest people I know do this all the time. These sentiments remind me of the process I use in sound healing to return your sparkle and your childlike essence to you.

Remember, anything that is electrical produces a magnetic field perpendicular to itself. We are electrical and our Biofield is an electromagnetic field that surrounds us. As I work through your Biofield, I am able to hear and locate Paradigm Shifts, which are neither good nor bad, they just are. These can be times when a sibling was born, you moved houses, or a parent got a new job. These situations can create stress in which the body leaks light outside itself and into our field. As we age these pockets of light (biophotons) are trapped in standing waves in the field around our body that expand and move farther away as we get older, much like the rings of a tree.

As I gently move through the field discovering these pockets of light and guiding them back to the body the comments I receive are consistently “I feel so much lighter.” This is due to two reasons. One; we are returning light that has mass back to your body, so your body no longer has to hold up density outside itself. You feel lighter as in weightless. The second reason is because what we are returning is light particles, your literal sparkle! When those are integrated back into the body you feel lighter as in brightness!

If you want to think about this in mathematical terms, say you experienced a paradigm shift in which 10 Biophotons leaked into your field. For simplicity lets say these 10 Biophotons weigh 10 lbs each. 10 Biophotons x 10lbs each = 100 lbs of Biophotons are hanging out in your field. This means that 1. your body has lost 100lbs of Biophotons that it should have and is also having to 2. hold up 100lbs of Biophotons outside itself. So you could say the body is not only at a weakened state (losing weight) but also having to do more work (holding up weight where it shouldn’t be). These Biophotons are not bad, they are just lost pieces of you that desperately want to be reunited with you.

My perception of what I am shepherding back to you is: your light, your sparkle, your essence, your childlike wonder and awe for the world; essentially pieces of yourself that you have lost along the way due to unfortunate circumstance. It is truly a chance to begin again because these fragments of your self have been returned to your Self.

When we guide your sparkle back to you this also removes the ‘tracks that were laid down’ in early life. What I mean by this is someone who came into the world not feeling safe can create a life that feels unsafe, and can surround themselves with people who don’t feel safe (subconsciously) to gather evidence and confirm that life isn’t safe. When we return your sparkle we remove the ‘tracks’ that were laid down because those tracks are made of your light. The light or sparkle isn’t bad, because it’s you! However, the way the light glitters in your field and holds an electric charge it could also be referred to as a trigger.

As you know, triggers can attract familiar situations that will in turn validate our fears and cause us to react intensely. Due to the fact most triggers are unconscious they also can create an automatic reaction - like yelling, lashing out, or freezing. When we return your sparkle back to you we create a pause or a breath in between the situation, emotion, and the reaction. This rewiring is similar to neuroplasticity because we are creating a new reaction (pathway); through sound healing we are also strengthening and reinforcing your centeredness and alignment.

By returning your sparkle and having your life force returned to you, you are literally ‘leveling up’ in life because you are more aligned with your truth and authenticity.

Everest Base Camp: The Beginning

‘If you don’t go out into the woods, nothing will ever happen and your life will never begin.’ ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Hiking to Mt Everest base camp was one of the most transformational, exhilarating, and humbling experiences of my life. I honestly can’t wait to do it again. Here is my story…

However, like most stories, the beginning begins some time before that :)

I was living and studying in India while working the International Yoga Festival (IYF) in Rishikesh. Rishikesh is Northern India located at the foothills of the Himalyas and overlooking Ma Ganga. There, I made some really close friends (shout out to Rainbow Tribe Unit) and we decided once the yoga festival had finished we would travel throughout India together. Our joke became #hashtagindia because there are so many things that happen in India that could only happen in India.

It was around that time when I realized I had the wrong visa. I only had a 3 month visa - which is not enough time to explore India because it’s incredibly large. So I thought ‘oh whatever, I’ll hop over the country next door, re-up my visa and come back and travel with my friends.’

Until I realized the country next door happened to be Nepal and

Mt. Everest happened to be located in Nepal and

I love mountains more than anything & many moons ago I had promised myself that one day I would hike Mt Everest; and the day I had this realization started to blossom into the one day I would.

In a few weeks span (three I think), I read every blog I could on solo hikers hiking Mt Everest, I reached out to every person I knew that lived or worked in Nepal or Mount Everest (massive thank you to Lindsey & Chris!!!)

In my research, I discovered the hike was 12 days total; 8 days up and 4 days down. It’s 80 miles or 130 km - which honestly didn’t sound like too much to me but I didn’t consider the constant elevation gain and loss and gain and gain and gain makes it feel like double that.

The rules were simple - warm clothes, hike at least 6 hours a day, drink a lot of water, hike high & sleep low on your acclimatization days, and lastly, if you feel sick, descend and eat as much Himalyan garlic soup as you can (as it helps with altitude sickness.)

‘Sounds reasonable.’ I thought.

& like the crazy person I am, with absolutely no training, no partner, no prior knowledge of Nepal or Mount Everest besides my super-late-cram-session, and cigarette habit, I was “prepared” to hike to Mt Everest Base Camp. Thanks to my insane determination, stubborness and perhaps mental illness, I hugged Leah goodbye in the Dehli airport and I boarded the plane to Kathmandu BEYOND excited for the adventure I had in store!

All was well when the plane began its flight from Dehli, India to Kathmandu, Nepal; it was a short morning flight and I had hours of daylight and packing to do before I left at 6:00am the next morning. As the flight began it’s descent into Kathmandu, it stopped descending, started circling around Kathmandu and then the pilot decided the smog was too bad and visibility was low and we turned back to Varanasi, India to refuel. My anxiety went from a peaceful easy feeling to literally hearing the blood pump in my ears. I had made the mistake of not planning for this type of fuckery. But here we were. #hashtagindia

Sitting behind me on the plane was an Irish girl excitedly explaining to an English boy how dangerous the hike to Mt Everest was and to not do it solo, ESPECIALLY if you were a girl. She was going on and on about needing a guide to lead you up the trail and a porter to carry your stuff, friends so you don’t go missing etc etc. As the anxiety reached an all time high, to distract myself, I turned around in my chair, apologized for eavesdropping, and mentioned to the Irish girl Gillian (who, spoiler alert, turns into one of my best friends) that I, in fact, was actually hiking it solo, without a porter or a guide or friends, and all my

(three weeks of)

research left me feeling confident I wouldn’t die. There was only one trail up the mountain - so I couldn’t get lost. It was a very popular hike - so even if I got injured someone would eventually walk by me. I was stubborn as hell and could probably carry my own weight and I didn’t bother with feeding fears of getting raped, murdered or dying alone in the mountains.

We ended up chatting and connecting for the rest of the flight and the plane was able to successfully and efficiently (not common in India) refuel and we headed back to Kathmandu - where we actually landed. There was much rejoicing.

Now, I had only 4 hours to get to my hostel, unpack, get back to town, acquire all my gear for Everest (I had come from warmer lands and had no cold gear) and re-pack. All of this would have been somewhat manageable but a girl named “Yessica” ended up grabbing the taxi I had waiting for me. Le sigh.

Gillian, the English boy and I shared a taxi to Thamel (downtown / backpacker’s district of Kathmandu) and parted ways. Intuition said to get Gillian’s number but alas, I did not. I did however make a mental note as intuition promised I’d be seeing her again.

I wished her well, got out of the taxi, promptly got lost, took two bike tuktuks to my hostel. Two because one was highly unsuccessful and required a second. Realized I had to change hostels, made some friends, met Yessica, got driven back into town with my backpack rolling dangerously on top of the car we were in where I finally landed back in Thamel where I sweat out my body weight in stress and started frantically running around gathering all my gear from the Nepali family my American friend Chris knew.

Thamel is one of my favorite corners in the world, it reeks of the most delicious incense that coats the inside of your nose and sinks deeply into your clothes. The stores are colorful, the people are wonderful, the prayer flags are abundant. It’s busy and bustling but not overwhelming. The buildings are tall but the storefronts are welcoming. Some people are here for Mt Everest Base Camp, some for Chitwan National Park. Some are here to stay in Thamel or leave for Pokhara, some just passing through. Because of this, the atmosphere is curious, excited and kind. Even though I was rushing around like a tiny crazy person I was excited to return back to Thamel and properly explore the city once I had accomplished my task of hiking to Base Camp.

It was dark when I finally finished unpacking and repacking but I fell asleep as soon as my body hit the bed. Contented that I had accomplished everything I needed to despite all odds and excited afffffff for the next day.

I arrived at the airport in Kathmandu bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, alarming levels of excitement pouring out of my chest, born ready for my flight to Lukla - the most dangerous airport in the world.

But my middle name is Danger so… * shrugs *

I went up to the counter and was told my flight was pushed back and I would have to wait an hour. ‘Okay,’ I thought, ‘ I can do this.’

After waiting an hour I checked again and the flight was delayed another hour. I pondered several very colorful swear words but reassured myself it’s worth the wait.

Several more experiences of this later, my long arduous waits punctuated only by the deep stinging pain of disappointment that my flight was delayed again, I decided to start talking to everyone in the airport. I had questions and I needed answers.

Very soon I learned that a few people had been waiting for several hours before me; and some had been waiting for

FOUR DAYS

Literally.

Living in the airport Tom Hanks style. I was shocked, angry, disappointed and quickly losing hope that I would put my feet on the trail today.

Now, the reason why Lukla is the most dangerous airport in the world is because it has

1. the tiniest landing strip and

2. a steep mountain wall just beyond the landing strip and then

3. the weather at that elevation - 9,383 feet - can change quickly so flights often get turned around to reduce deaths

Ugh. logic and reason.

After what ended up being a 4 hour wait, many intense discussions and serious plotting with all my new hiker friends (Tamara and Rob - solo hikers from Australia, Whitney - solo hiker from the US and several French friends) we decided we would rent a helicopter and get our Everest party started! Six of us hopped in a helicopter and flew through the most gorgeous green winding valley with overlooking ‘hills’ (aka small mountains), waterfalls, tiny isolated villages at the top of and carved into the sides of these hill-mountains.

The view was so spectacular and I cried just taking in mother nature’s beauty.

After a (thankfully) easy landing in our helicopter, a few of the friends grabbed a bite to eat in Lukla where we ran into people just finishing their hike. We congratulated them on their amazing feat to which

1. some didn’t even both making eye contact (foreshadowing)

2. some were walking funny and

3. some looked at us with an evil glint in their eye.

We pushed all of this out of our minds and started our ascent. Nothing was going to get in my way of accomplishing my goal of making it to EBC. The 12 day adventure to the top of the world had begun.

to be continued…

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ~ CPE

TUNERS WITHOUT BORDERS

One of my roles in the Biofield Tuning organization is on the Lead Team for Tuners without Borders.

Tuners without Borders is our nonprofit side of Biofield Tuning, where we help those in need by donating tuning forks and our time to help those less fortunate. We do this by teaching a simplified version of Biofield Tuning so that they can help themselves, their loved ones and their community around them. Biofield Tuning, at its core, helps people get unstuck and provides coherence in an incoherent world. When people become coherent, they radiate coherence around them, essentially becoming a tuning fork themselves; they help to bring about balance and harmony in their surroundings.

Tuners without Borders (TWB) has led several missions in Jamaica, in 2018 and 2019 at the YMCA in Kingston, the Boys Town in Trench Town and the Church of the Ascension. We have returned to the YMCA and the Church of the Ascension and plan on returning to the Boys Town in Trench Town after Covid restrictions are lifted.

While we were in Jamaica in 2019 we were invited to MICO University where Eileen McKusick gave a talk to the university students and then we did demonstration. This lead to us being invited to create a Biofield Tuning Program under the Sports Medicine Division at MICO. This program is set to debut in 2021; once again waiting on Covid Restrictions to be lifted.

Eileen has continued humanitarian efforts in Jamaica all throughout 2020, as the island’s main source of income is tourism. She has joined forces with a natural & vegan restaurant in Negril, where she resides, to do food drives to help out local families.

2020 has affected everyone; not only tourism-based countries, but it also deeply and disproportionately affected the Native American Reservations, here at home. These circumstances weigh heavy on our heart and we have led two missions; one in person and one virtual to help support the Native Americans. During Covid, we did a virtual livestream to focus on helping the Navajo Nation and Hopi Reservation during, as those two locations were heavily affected, not only by Covid, but the effects of quarantine and curfew.

People on the Navajo Nation & Hopi Reservation not only don’t have access to clean water, but they also don’t have access to cold food storage or wifi. This creates a cyclical issue of sickness and lack of education. The clean water is located miles away in cities, which forces Native Americans to travel long distances for water, usually not allowing them to be home by curfew. The lack of cold food storage creates healthy food deficiencies because there is no way to keep the food fresh. Lack of wifi doesn’t allow Native American children and teenagers to access their Zoom classes.

The Puchetca Livestream that aired December 12th, 2020 is a fundraising opportunity to bring clean water, cold food storage, and wifi hubs to the Navajo Nation & Hopi Reservation. I donated a session on behalf of Tuners without Borders to be a part of this amazing movement to help our Native brothers and sisters. You can learn more about Puchteca and donate by clicking here.

Our humanitarian efforts will continue in 2021 in Jamaica as well as Native American Reservations across the US. Our belief is that we can only rise when we help one another rise too.

Sources:

https://www.puchteca.org/

https://www.biofieldtuning.com/outreach-programs

the magic of malvern, england

Eileen was invited to be the keynote speaker at the Sound Healing Conference in Malvern, England in November of 2018. Eileen asked me to come with her and I excitedly agreed. Neither of us had been to Malvern before and the idea of exploring it together delighted both of us.

The Sound Healing Conference is put on by the College of Sound Healing run by Simon Heather. It boasts sound healers of all backgrounds from gongs, sacred voice, drums, and bowls both crystal and Tibetan. Eileen’s keynote speech at the end of the conference was a huge hit & we were so grateful to connect with and expand our Sound Healing family!

One day out for lunch we found a local crystal shop called Aquarius.

Synchronistically for us, Eileen, the owner of Aquarius & I bonded instantly and she informed us that there was a ley line or "dragon line" that ran straight through the Malvern Hills of Outstanding Beauty, through her shop and into the city. A ley line, or dragon line, or song line, is a concentrated line of earth’s geomagnetic and electromagnetic forces.

The Malvern Hills of Outstanding beauty have two major hills that make a heart shape; so the ley line runs through the middle of where the two hills meet. The owner of Aquarius informed us that she takes care of the ley line by playing crystal bowls every day before she leaves the shop. Eileen and I decided that we would help her tend to the ley line while we were there with our tuning forks.

We found a spot next to the river that runs through Malvern and sat and tuned the ley line with our different forks and a strong intention to be of benefit. We knew we were done when all of the birds in the river abruptly all flew away about 30 minutes into our tune!

Malvern, although mildly unknown globally, is famous for some fascinating things! The Malvern Hills of Outstanding Beauty (MHOB) sits right behind Malvern and it is truly stunning.

There is a pub in town called “The Unicorn” and it is where CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien would meet TOGETHER & it is suspected in some circles that both Middle Earth and Narnia’s landscapes were inspired by MHOB. If you know me personally and know how much I love both unicorns and the novels by JRR Tolkien you can imagine my extreme excitement & happiness to discover all of this thanks to the locals!

The Hills are also the location of the famous 1800s Water Cure. The Well is still in operation in the hills and the plaque reads:

“Drink of this Crystal Fountain and praise the loving lord who from the rocky mountain this living stream out-poured; fit emblem of the holy fount that flows from god’s eternal mount.”

The water cure drew famous doctors and celebrities alike to the area including Florence Nightingale, Charles Dickens & Charles Darwin.

Eileen and I hiked into the Malvern Hills of Outstanding Beauty several times. We discovered the lampposts made famous by “The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe.” While we were hiking up the steep hill we could see how Middle Earth & Narnia had been birthed from the scenery; it was otherwordly and magickal.

We also made sure to hike all the way to the top of the MHOB to take in the views of the English countryside.

Eileen and I loved Malvern so much and since 2018 I have returned to Malvern several times as the International Class Coordinator and Teacher and established Malvern as one of our permanent places for our International Biofield Tuning classes.

Sources:

www.biofieldtuning.com

https://www.collegeofsoundhealing.co.uk/index.php

https://allthatsinteresting.com/ley-lines

Biofield Tuning visits the Integratron

I have loved the Integratron since my first visit to Landers, California in 2014. Over the years, I have returned bringing friends, family and even doing some independent subtle energy research with them in June of 2017. I had mentioned Eileen Mckusick, creatrix and founder of Biofield Tuning, to Joanne at the Integratron and vice versa for several years.

Finally in December of 2018, Eileen, myself and a group of other Certified Biofield Tuning Practitioners & Teachers flew in from different states and drove out to meet up and visit our friends at the Integratron in order to experience a unique and extraordinary sound bath with crystal bowls in a perfect parabola-shaped room. As researchers, sound healers and rather energy-sensitive humans we were also there to experience and feel for the vortex near Giant Rock.

The Integratron, and its architect are surrounded by an air of mystery, controversy & magic. In a curious and concise nutshell, George Van Tassel had a laboratory in a small room (cave) underneath Giant Rock, the largest free standing boulder in the US. There he meditated, studied Electromagnetism, UFO technology, Nikola Tesla and of course, hosted the annual “Giant Rock Spacecraft Convention.”

During this time (Van Tassel says) he was contacted by aliens claiming they were from Venus. These Venusian aliens shared with him how and why to build the Integratron. The HOW was to create a building in a perfect parabola shape using only wood with a specialized core (machinery in the center of the building) to power it; the WHY was for cell rejuvenation, anti-gravity & time travel.

The location of the Integratron was also paramount in it’s build - being perfectly placed at the intersection of several ley lines or “dragon lines” makes it a vortex - a very powerful geomagnetic site that amplifies Earth’s magnetic field - this intersection of ley lines is located right in the center of the Integratron, where the core used to be.

The ceiling of the Integratron

If you’re super excited or at the very least, super curious and can’t wait to read on; Van Tassel’s story ends like most exceptional and phenomenal scientists and inventors who threatened the status quo. WEEKS before the Integratron’s official opening, a very healthy George Van Tassel mysteriously and suddenly died. Some time later the core of the Integratron vanished adding more fuel to conspiracy suspicions.

As disappointing as that is… there is a redemption story!

In the 2000’s three sisters - Joanne, Patty & Nancy saw the historical importance and scientific, as well as spiritual, significance of the Integratron and purchased it in order to save it. Because of them, the Integratron is still standing and open to the public. It is still used as a place of deep meditation and healing due to it’s unique construction and shape; as well as mystical location on the intersection of ley lines and proximity to Giant Rock.

Me in front of Giant Rock

Because the Integratron is a “perfectly acoustic sound chamber," people still visit from all around the world to experience the sound baths with crystal bowls and other sound healing instrumentation. In my own personal experiences, I’d like to share that during the sound baths I have felt the sound waves not only bounce back and forth off the walls but move through my body, similarly to the feeling of how ocean waves move along the outside of your physical body.

When our Biofield Tuning team visited the Integratron in December of 2018 the staff there was immersed in reading Eileen’s book and gave a brief synopsis of Tuning the Human Biofield, as well as a personal shout-out before our sound bath session.

The sound baths performed at the Integratron are an out-of-this-world experience (pun intended) and the best way to fully comprehend them is to go there and experience it for yourself!

Sources:

• www.eileenmckusick.com

• www.integratron.com

• https://sites.rootsweb.com/~vantasselfamilyhistoryhomepage/GeorgeVT.html